Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The British Suck


Hola Bitches! Jayman here, and while I may not be the most traveled guy around, I am, by virtue of my ability to read and my curiosity about the world, pretty knowledgeable about the world. I’m educated and fairly well read and have made it a priority to study history and keep up with world events. The internet has been invaluable in this regard. And, one of the things that I have been able to conclude through my virtual travels is Britain Sucks.

Yeah, I know, we all love Keeping Up Appearances and Monty Python and Fawlty Towers. And sure, Sherlock Holmes is cool and a lot of people like Dr. Who. And, of course there are the timeless beauties like Elizabeth Hurly and Kate Beckinsale. I didn’t say there weren’t exceptions just that Britain, in general, sucks.

When was the last time everyone was sitting around trying to decide where to go for dinner and someone yelled out “LET’S GET BRITISH FOOD?” Never, that’s when. There is no country on Earth with worse food. England’s food is so bad and bland that the Brits think Indian food is good! And when they aren’t eating Indian food they’re either eating faux pasta noodles or intestines all chopped up and buried by curry to cover the taste.

Oh I know, Brits are soooo cultured, you say? Yeah, if by “cultured” you mean “pompous.” Dear God, the Brits are insufferable! They love to talk about their culture over there, but really Shakespeare is all the Brits have. And they didn’t even give a crap about him while he was alive. Sure, we’ve got people like the Kardashians, but at least we appreciate them while they’re alive and they make a lot of money, just in case they might turn out to be something other than shit.

And Brits love to talk about how well traveled they are. I guess they are, if you’re talking about being the primary consumers of the Asian flesh trade. We all know the Go-Go bars from Bangkok to Seoul to Manila are mostly patronized by Brits. And who could blame them really? We all know that other than the few movie stars and super models Britain has produced, the average woman there makes Margaret Thatcher look like a beauty queen.

You know that whole “The sun never sets on the British Empire” thing? You know, that Empire that was built by subjugating people of colonized countries which were then raped of their natural resources?  Yeah well, don’t look now it’s dusk bitches. That Empire can’t sustain its welfare state and is being overrun by the dregs of every shithole country on Earth.

Hell, we haven’t even gotten a chance to touch on the crappy weather, soccer, socialized medicine, hooliganism, how expensive everything is over there, the class social structure and the shitty pop music. Maybe next time.

Hey, don’t get your knickers in a knot guys, it’s not my fault you don’t live in the United States of Awesome.

--

In other news, our good friend Scott Bull who lives in England called us up on Wednesday’s I’m With Stupid Podcast and we had a jolly good time! We started out updating everyone on our continued attempts to get out Reddit jail and then quickly ran through an expert analysis of Herman Cain’s situation. Then Scott called in and in typical hooligan fashion all hell broke loose.

Obviously, between Scott’s appearance on the show, and today’s loving post about Britain, I’m With Stupid is about to be HUGE across the pond! So, check the show out and tell all your friends. We love each and every one of you guys!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio


Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Houston Nutt: Nothing But Love in My Heart


Hola Sports Fans! Former Boise St, Arkansas and Ole Miss football coach Houston Nutt here. I had to say “sports fans” because a decent Christian American such as me would never say the “Bitches.” Anyway, I’m fresh off being fired at Ole Miss and thought now would be a good time to do a guest post here on I’m With Stupid where my good buddy Jayman usually hangs out.

First, I’d just like to say that I have nothing but great memories from my days in Fayetteville, Arkansas coaching those Hogs. Man, those were some good times. Remember those days? Yeah, fun times kids. I was moving wide receivers to QB, and then moving QBs to tight end and tight ends to defensive lineman. Then, as a change of pace, I’d send the deep snapper out there to return a punt. Those guys always have great hands. Man, I was always crossing people up like that.

And, I don’t want to make any disparagin’ remarks towards the current coach Bobby Petrino, but if I were still the coach there, Arkansas wouldn’t have lost to LSU by a score of 41-17. Anyone who knows me knows that we would have either lost 24-23 on a missed extra point by one of the six place kickers I had on scholarship OR we would have lost 63-7. There wouldn’t be any of this hanging tough for three quarters and wearing down crap for me. The 24-23 score is really the more likely of the two though. I would have been the greatest moral victory in the history of the University of Arkansas.

Lots of people are wonderin’ what’s next for Houston Nutt. Well, I tell ya folks, I still have that fire burnin’ in ma belly to coach. There’s nothing like it, being out there watching the players run around the field, bumpin’ into guys, making plays, calling plays, designing my four page playbook including three pages of different draw plays. Man, there’s nothing more fun than calling a draw play and watching the white 260 lb fullback who is a converted left tackle go down after a one yard gain and running another 40 seconds off the clock when we’re behind by four points and have the ball in 3 and 18 at midfield with less than 2 minutes left. WOOOOO DOGGIES!

Of course, a lot of people like to call Ole Miss a “drinking school with a football problem” but I tell ya what, nobody in Oxford, MS filed a FOIA request to get my cell phone records like those loony guys in Arkansas did. See, there’s a positive to having a fan base that is fat, drunk and stupid. They might be pissed at me, but those lazy illiterate rednecks couldn’t do anything about if they wanted to.

If I decide not to coach anymore, I could always go into broadcasting. Now that Bob Davie is the new coach at New Mexico, there’s an opening for “Dumb ass who used to coach major college teams but sucked at it and will also suck at announcing but he got the job anyway” color commentator on ESPN’s Friday Night games. And I’m just the dumb ass to do it. Uh, wait. Well, anyway, I’d be great at it.

Announcing is a lot like coaching. Gotta work hard. Gotta prepare. Gotta get the whole team working together. ONE HEARTBEAT BABY! ONE HEARTBEAT!

Thanks for giving me this opportunity Jayman, I appreciate it and I appreciate you, and all the great IWS readers and listeners out there. Y’all are so special to me. God Bless Ya!


Monday, November 28, 2011

Bill O'Reilly and the War on Christmas: The Spin Stops Here

Caution!!  The spin stops here!!

Bill O’Reilly here for I’m With Stupid, and you’re probably already asking yourselves…

“Why would a man of O’Reilly’s, grandiose and soon-to-be cast in bronze on public squares image, go slumming for attention on this internet rag sheet?”

Because folks, I’m looking out for you, and must call a pinhead a pinhead when I see one, and yesterday?

I’m With Stupid’s Senior War on Christmas correspondent, Marty Martstein, showed through his idiotic elocution, that he is indeed, a pinhead.

You see, like most socialist progressives…

Mr. Martstein via his IWS article yesterday, attacked Christians as being hypocrites and savages because there were a handful of minor incidents and injuries on Black Friday as 80% of America rushed to get jawbone of an ass dropping deals on today’s versions of gold, frankincense, and myrrh, in order to celebrate the birthday of Christ.

Mr. Martstein reported that during the Black Friday for Christ festivities, a grandfather in Phoenix was beaten by security, a man in Oakland was shot, customers in LA were pepper sprayed, and in Little Rock, fights and ass cheeks broke out over two dollar waffle irons during what appeared to be a plumbers’ convention.

All very cutesy of our secular friend Mr. Martstein, but all in all, not very fair and balanced.  You see…

What Mr. Martstein fails to report is, that without injury to body or soul, millions of Christ-Loving Americans made their epic journeys to the stores in order to “pay it forward” in His name, and like Mary and Joseph were counted as Christians in the cultural census in spite of throngs of Herod worshipping secularists and shopkeepers.

So typical of Mr. Martstein and the loony Left, and it speaks volumes of their drug-addled, hippie upbringing.

I don’t know what went on at Christmas in Mr. Martstein’s household when he was a kid, but when I grew up in a working class neighborhood of Levittown NY., and my father worked his middle-class job as a currency counter for an oil company, Christmas meant Midnight Mass, praising the birth of the Christ child, and reviewing my first term grades that I had earned while attending the non-government supported, Chaminade High School in Mineola.

Christmas also meant that mom would serve sauterne punch and rum soaked petit fours, but that’s a story for my next book, which of course if you are a premium member of The O’Reilly Factor, you will be able to receive at a steep discount…anyway…

After Mass, we would all meet on the steps of the Church, and in our sauterne and rum induced jocularity, say, “Merry Christmas” to one and other, and let me tell you…

Back in those days, had Mr. Martstein been around to protest our Merry Christmases to one and other, I would have punched him in his pinhead, and shoved a crucifix and an Advent candle up his ass.  That’s just the way it was back then.

But now, we Christians aren’t permitted to do such things.  We Christians, in the name of tolerance, are expected to sit in silence and embrace cultures and religions that get their feelings hurt if we dare mention the birth of Jesus Christ.  And boy do they get all bent out of shape when we do that.

I have done research that shows that 99% of atheists, secularists, Muslims, and other anti-Christ store goers get their burkas in a wad over store employees saying "Merry Christmas" to them this time of year.*

Well you know what?  Fuck it…The fucking thing sucks…I’ll write it and we’ll do it live.  Right here and right now.

We Christians can now tell pinheads like Marty Martstein that the shoe of the fisherman is on the other foot and we have the upper hand.

The Jesus hating progressives may be the 99 per centers, but we are the one percent of Americans that will get Raptured up…and we are occupying righteousness.

Merry Christmas, and bring me the Head of Bill Mahar,

Bill O’Reilly

To reach Bill-O, contact Matt-Man @:

neshobadude@yahoo.com
www.twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

*Research provided to Bill-O by President of the Catholic League, Bill Donohue, over fried tilapia bites, and a fifth of Jameson’s at O’Leary’s in Secaucus, NJ.  Neither left a tip.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

The War on Christmas is Bullshit

Hey guys! Marty Martstein, I’m With Stupid’s Senior War on Christmas Correspondent here. I just wanted to let everyone know that I’ve never been more proud to NOT be a Christian than I was on Black Friday of this year.

What the fuck is your problem people? Pepper spraying other customers to keep them away from the Xbox games? Tazing people? Rioting over cheap electronics? Knocking over old people and even robbing people in the parking lot? And of course, my favorite, showing your ass, literally as it hangs out of your sweats when you brawl with other customers over $2 waffle irons?

And after all this you have the audacity to lecture the rest of the world about their behavior? You call OTHER countries “uncivilized” and refer to OTHER cultures as “inferior” and OTHER people as “savages?”

Now you people are all going to spend the next month bitching about whether someone wishes you a “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays?” Really? Come on people. You go out on Black Friday and put on this disgusting display of crass materialism and greed, and now you’re going to turn around and tell everyone “Jesus is the reason for the Season.” That’s a bit hypocritical of you, don’t you think?

Look, I have no problem with the checkers at Walmart or some other store telling me to have a Merry Christmas. They don’t know that I don’t celebrate and it would be rude of me to correct them. I’m not offended by Christmas music playing over the loudspeakers in public places, nor am I offended by Christmas trees or even nativity scenes on the courthouse lawn. Hell, if my kids went to public schools with the riff-raff regular kids, I wouldn’t even mind them participating in the schools production of A Christmas Carol or being a part of the Christmas pageant.

Nobody is! That’s what’s so stupid about all this War on Christmas crap. The only people who are offended by Christmas are guilty white liberals who, as always, believe it’s their place to tell “minorities” when we should be offended. I can make up my own mind on that, thankyouverymuch. And so can everyone else.

But, of course this gives people the chance to claim that Christians, who make up over 80% of the people in this country and over 90% of all elected officials, are being oppressed. This is the biggest load of bullshit ever. And, let’s not forget the people who want businesses and corporations to be “left alone” and allowed to do what they feel is best to make profits so they can create shareholder wealth and jobs are the ones who want to tell the businesses and corporations what to do. This is because they don’t just want the totally made up date of birth of their Lord and Savior acknowledged, they want it forced upon those who either don’t believe or have different beliefs. And then there’s the whole thing about how the great defenders of Christianity in the media are a bunch of multiple-divorces, drug-addicted, sexual-harassing loud-mouths, and you can see that this whole thing is pretty much bullshit.

So instead of spending the next month at each other’s throats having a huge argument over nothing, why don’t we all just tell the people on both sides of this completely made up War on Christmas crap to shut the fuck up and just enjoy the festive holiday season. And maybe show a little of that goodwill towards man stuff we hear about all the time too.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch my DVD of A Muppet Christmas Carol. If you need me, just contact my Christian friend Jayman.


P.S. I highly recommend I'm With Stupids "Black Saturday" episode. It was non-stop fun and jocularity as Matt-Man and Jayman mocked the Black Friday folks and Matt took advantage of his cold to do his best ever Peter Brady impression. And then things really got fun when Dana Lu called in to tell us about her Black Friday experience. Overall, a damn good show. 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio


IWS Babe of the Week: Gretchen Carlson, The Joan of Arc in the War on Christmas

Last night, Jayman and I had a rousing good time entertaining the masses on the IWS Black Saturday Radio show, as we kicked off yet another year of the War on Christmas.

From the beginning of our intro song, to our final thoughts, one hot lady was on our minds throughout the broadcast.

That lady would be former Miss America, full-time Christian, and Fox and Friends keystone of intellect and insight, Gretchen Carlson...


As we begin the Christmas season, we at IWS raise a toast to the Maiden of Messianic Merchandising, who refuses to silence her God-given tongue in speaking out against those in the form of Atheists, Secularists, and Festivus followers who choose to diss the Holy Baby Jeebus...


She's hot...She's heavenly, and somehow, she graduated from Stanford...She's Gretchen Carlson...


And we love her.

Cheers, and let the Baby Jeebus-Hatin' Barbarians be stopped at the gates.

Matt-Man

Friday, November 25, 2011

Matt Said, Jay Said XV


Matt hablas, Jay hablas, You escuchar.

Matt: “Yo, yo diggity yo.” *cough* *hack* *cough*
Jay: “Damn, you aren’t gonna die are you?”
Matt: “Well, someday my son, I’m sure I will.”
Jay: “You sound like an 80 year old Jewish lady w/ a 3 pack a day smoking habit.”
Matt: “Oh, so I’ve improved more than I thought.”
Jay: “You’ve got a great voice for radio going dude.”
Matt: *cough* *hack* *cough* “Thanks.”

Jay: “I’m so disappointed in myself.”
Matt: “What did you do with a stripper this time?”
Jay: “Nothing like that. Wednesday was Miley Cyrus’ birthday.”
Matt: “I saw your post on the Facebook Fan Page.”
Jay: “Yeah, but I totally forgot about it on the show. Not one mention.”
Matt: “Oh, well that’s bad, huh?”
Jay: “Yeah it is. I’m sure she was listening. And her feelings are probably hurt now.”
Matt: “We’ll make it up to her somehow.”
Jay: “She isn’t even talking to me now.”
Matt: “Give her time. She’s a good person. She’ll understand.”

Jay: “Cold turkey is delicious.”
Matt: “We haven’t even eaten yet. Our turkey is crocking.”
Jay: “Crocking?”
Matt: “I put it in the crockpot.”
Jay: “Really? Isn’t it a bone-in breast?
Matt: “Yup.”
Jay: “I admire your challenging society’s culinary rules like that.”
Matt: “I’m a rebel.”
Jay: “Well, except your strict adherence to preheating rules.”
Matt: “That a line I’m not willing to cross.”

Jay: “So, we launch the first salvo in the War on Christmas™ for 2011 on Saturday?”
Matt: “We can do it!”
Jay: “Black Saturday!”
Matt: “A date which will live in War on Christmas™ infamy.”
Jay: “Old men will tell their grandchildren about it someday in the future.”
Matt: “They will tell as much as they dare tell, so as not to scare the kids.”
Jay: “True. No need for the children to have nightmares.”
Matt: “BTW, are we for it or against it?”
Jay: “Well, we’re around it.”
Matt: “Usually I side with the atheists because it makes Bill O’Reilly’s head explode.”
Jay: “Yeah, but if Julie Banderas asks me which side I’m on? I say ‘I’m on YOUR side baby.’”
Matt: “OHHHHH YEAH!”
Jay: “Okay, the War on Christmas™ it is!”
Matt: “Sweeeeeet!”

So, be sure to check us out Saturday night at 6:30 pm EST on I’m With Stupid as we fight the good or bad fight in the War on Christmas™!

And, if you need something to do, and who doesn’t, you can listen to Wednesday’s show where we talked about all kinds of Random Crap. At least listen to you can hear Matt-Man’s “Old Jewish Lady who smokes three packs a day” voice.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio


Thursday, November 24, 2011

You Know What's Wrong With This Country?


Well it was a rather amazing Thanksgiving here in Redneckville. Because of car problems and various other reasons, we had to stay here for Thanksgiving and not go up to beautiful and exotic Omaha, Nebraska. So, mom decided to invite her friend M.E. over for T-Giving dinner.

M.E. decided not to go to T-Giving at any of her children’s houses, so we invited her over and she spent the day explaining to us what was wrong with “this country.” Every single problem she identified applied to “this country” and not just individual people. This is what we got 4 hours of…

“I spent the whole afternoon at the cable company’s office yesterday trying to get them to explain to me why all my channels are letterbox now. They tried to claim I could fix it with my remote. That’s ridiculous. They’ve done something and just won’t fix it. We have no decent customer service in this country anymore.”

“We just have no social graces in this country anymore. Everyone just uses the ‘F-word’ non-stop anymore.”


“This country has lost all sense of decency and morality. People behave like animals.”

“Are there even any white players LEFT in athletics in this country anymore?”

“There isn’t a single decent or honest politician anywhere in this country. They’re all a bunch of crooks and liars. Every single one of them.”

“We’ve allowed the family until to just fall apart in this country. People have to move away to find decent jobs. Families separate and never see each other. Of course, I’m not all that happy with my family right now.”

“Nobody lives here (Redneckville) anymore. The ones who do work somewhere else. We’re a ‘closet’ community.”

“We’re just way too informal anymore in this country. I’m embarrassed by what my granddaughter wears sometimes.”

“Everyone in this country is driven only by greed anymore. Nothing else. And the commercialization of everything is just disgusting. I have to get up and hit the Black Friday sales in Branson tomorrow.”

“The internet is just destroying this country. Nobody ever deals with other human beings anymore in this country because of it. Everyone stays home and instead of talking to REAL people they talk to these internet people. And then they do their shopping on there. Nobody ever gets out and does things in this country anymore.”

“No company hires Americans to work for them anymore in this country. They just import people from Asia who will work so much cheaper. And then our rich people in this country don’t do any charity for America anymore. They all go to Africa to do any charity.”  

Then there was this hilarious exchange between M.E. and my mother:

Mom: “Dan H. wants the Tea Party to help him recall the mayor.”
M.E: “Who the hell is Van H?”
Mom: “DAN”
M.E: “And what’s Van H’s problem with the mayor?”
Mom: “It’s DAN H. and I don’t really know, there was just a story about it in the paper.”
M.E: “Well, I’ve never even heard of this Van H.”
Mom: “DAN. Dee. Ayy. Ennn.  He used to be mayor and was just voted off the city council.”
M.E: “Ohhhh! Yeah, DAN H. used to be mayor, but I don’t know Van.”

So basically, all that stuff so much more that I couldn’t remember is what’s wrong with this country. But, the food was good and the wine dulled the senses beautifully and all in all it was a nice day.

Also, our first liquor store opened here in Redneckville almost a year after our voting to go wet. I took full advantage of the situation and got something that would put me in the proper mood for the day … 

Inilah SMS Hakim yang Memesan Penari Bugil !

Majelis Kehormatan Hakim (MKH) telah memecat hakim Pengadilan Negeri (PN) Yogyakarta Dwi Djanuanto (56). Djanu terbukti meminta penari telanjang dan tiket pesawat kepada pihak berperkara.

Namun, Djanu membantah keras. Menurutnya, dia difitnah dan di dzalimioleh pihak tertentu. "Saya difitnah. Saya didzalimi. SMS itu tidak ada," kata Djanu usai putusan MKH di gedung Mahkamah Agung (MA), Jalan Medan Merdeka Utara, Jakarta, Selasa, (22/11).

Berdasarkan berkas yang didapat detikcom, inilah runtutan SMS dikirim oleh Djanu. SMS inilah yang menyebabkan Djanu dipecat:

24/12/2009

Ya batal oom. Besok minggu aja ketemuan dengan Pras juga. Selamat Natal dan Tahun Baru
Ntar tak telpon lagi. Aku masih cek in.

27/12/2009

Ketemuan jam berapa, apa di dekat JEC aja?

Masih tidur Ko ? Jangan malam hari ya

He..he.. Bujangan

Sama, kalau aku di Kupang

O yo wis, ntar sore aja. Rumahku lagi kosong. Ntar be kabari

Besok aja kalo ada acara oom. Kita atur waktu

Mau ke Kupang ?

Saya jemput anak. Ya udah, lain kali aja. Met jalan ke Kupang.

Balik Jogja kapan?

Ke Kupangnya kapan?

Ok, met jalan. Sampai ketemu lagi. Dari Surabaya pakai Mandalay a ?

31/12/2009

Oh, saya masih di Jakarta. Besok baru pulang ke Yogja. Ntar sampai Jogja kita atur lagi. Trims

06/01/2010

Siang Pak. Tadi naik apa jadinya ?Bos, tolong carikan tiket ke Jogja dari Mandala dan sorenya Lion dari Surabaya

Oke, trims. Met makan. Udah makan

07/01/2010

Malam udah ke Jogja Ko? Tolong kalau udah diselesaikan tiket Garudaku tolong dikirim kode bookingnya.

08/1/2010

Bangun-bangun. Udah siang. Oom jangan lupa tiketku ya

Oke. Di Jogja kalau mendung enak liat tari telanjang. Ntar kalau di Kupang kita lihat itu. Setuju? Ha..ha..

Oh ya, tiketku tanggal 15 jangan lupa

Belum, tolong ntar malam aja be masih keluar oom. Tq

Ada. Pokoknya di booking di room sendiri dan bisa di pegang, cium dan suruh ngisep. 1 jam 500. Kita milih

Bukan dari Jawa dan bukan dari Sasando

Ada yang dari Sunda atau Manado.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

A Thanksgiving Message from Thanksgiving Him or Her Self

Hi all…Thanksgiving here for I’m With Stupid. Yeah…That’s right, I’m Thanksgiving.

An actual entity called Thanksgiving, talking to you from the pages of I‘m With Stupid. Well, not an actual entity…perhaps more of a spiritual entity. And sadly…

Be I spiritual, or corporeal, an entity that has now grown old and hackneyed in the eyes, minds, and souls of many Americans.

I used to matter. Yep, it’s true.

Hell, for nearly 150 years I was a big deal. Ever since Lincoln called for a national day of Thanksgiving, families across America would once a year, gather ‘round their tables, break bread, repair old friendships, and once in awhile, begin new ones.

It was a day that the entire nation took a deep breath, reflected on its heritage, and showed appreciation for those who through immigration, religious persecution, or just plain luck, ultimately allowed those of us here today, to enjoy the fruits of this nation.

And now?

I Thanksgiving, have become but an oxymoron in that I am both an afterthought and noted precursor to the commercial hegemony that is Christmas.

I deserve more than that.

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on the courage of those who offered America her chance at greatness when they landed on Plymouth Rock and elsewhere, in hopes of building a brighter future in the face of hunger, sickness, and more than a few pissed off Indians.

And…while it’s true that July 4, 1776 marks the birth of this great nation and we celebrate it magnanimously, the stubborn and fertile seed that was planted in order to make that happen, was sown when the brave and oppressed from Europe landed here some 150 years prior to that.

And on Thanksgivings prior, we as a nation, as neighborhoods, and as families, would celebrate the struggles of the Pilgrims and the arduous task of colonizing this country.

We would give thanks to those gone before us and more importantly to those with us, because just as the Pilgrims had to rely upon each other, we would recognize the fact that we rely upon our families and friends as well.

And then, just somewhat recently…the national camaraderie muted, the familial bonds loosened, and the hour glass speed at which we celebrated Thanksgiving and each other, turned into the break neck pace of a stopwatch counting down to the Christmas season.

I today, am but a shell of my former self. I get six hours tops.

People eat at one or so, make small talk, exchange Christmas wish lists, and then, after a post-tryptophan nap, hit the stores for Black Friday sales, in the name of celebrating Jesus, the Maccabees, and whomever or whatever.

I today, in this world of 24/7 Cable News, big box store sales, and instant messaging, have become an anachronism…nothing more than a Norman Rockwell painting that embodies the “quaint” times which define, Americana.

I’m saddened but have a word or two of hope for you on the day which honors me…

For those of you who are taking the time to celebrate Thanksgiving with friends and family, God bless you, and may you delight in the warmth of good food, good wine, and good company for hours upon end.

For those of you who look at me but nothing more than a prologue to Christmas, God bless you as well and I hope you soon rediscover what Cicero said many centuries ago:

“A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues.”

Sincerely,

Thanksgiving

All questions and comments to Thanksgiving can be routed to Matt-Man @:

neshobadude@yahoo.com
http://twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

Monday, November 21, 2011

A Thanksgiving Message of Hope and Inspiration from Pope Benedict XVI

Guten Tag and Pax Vobiscum, Bitches!!

Blitzkrieg Benny here for I’m With Stupid with a message of hope and inspiration for my Catholic brethren and sisteren in the United States as you prepare for your annual feast and celebration of Thanksgiving.

Although I reside in Vatican City and am a vast ocean and continent removed from you, I continue to be impressed and inspired by the November observance of your national day of Thanksgiving.

Your American celebration of God and Country takes me back to November 1938 when I was eleven, celebrating my Fatherland’s first national Kristallnacht Holiday with my family in Bavaria.

It was a special time when the entire nation of Germany, sat back, took a deep breath, and collectively inhaled the soon-to-be non-Jewish fresh air.  We sang, partied, and feasted.

And boy did we, as you will once again this Thursday, feast!!

I remember my mom would rise before the sun and in her efficient and workman-like Teutonic manner, prepare a meal that would make Hermann Goering blush.

Much like you honor the courage of your Pilgrims founding a new nation with a meal of turkey, mashed potatoes, and the such, we would honor our Storm Pilgrims founding a new Reich with a meal that reflected their victory over our national affliction.

We’d feast on platefuls of sweet herbs, leavened bread, and sausage.  We’d nosh on knishes stuffed with BBQ swine, and lobster.  And after the meal, we’d listen to Dear Leader’s Kristallnacht Day address and then at midnight..?

Just as you Americans assault the stores in search of bargains on Black Friday, we would assault the local stores in search of Jewish shopkeepers on Brown Shirt Friday.

It was a magical time, and as the entire celebration does for you in America, it brought our nation closer together.  Alas…

For me, the celebration of Kristallnacht has long passed.  Ironically enough, in large part to you Americans and your puritanical fervor for ridding the world of free thinking supremacists, and loathing of medal laden leather trench coats and hot looking jack boots.

It saddens me, but as I am in the business of acknowledging contrition and turning the other cheek, I forgive you.

Anyhoo…I am now the leader of the Catholic Church, and stuck here in Italy surrounded by effeminate, pantaloon wearing Swiss Guardsmen instead of beefy, leather clad SS men, and eating eggs Florentine instead of potato pancakes and sauerbraten.

I tell ya, it’s hard to get good food and good help here in Italy.  Just ask the late Der Fuhrer.  Dear God in Heaven, Mussolini was a pussy.

However…

I do want to give thanks to you in America for helping me to recall the joy that was Kristallnacht Day, and because of you, I shall tell you the three things for which I am grateful…

I just got new tires on the Pope Mobile.

Notre Dame will be going to a bowl game this year, and…

I have found true love and my life has been made whole by meeting my new lover, Haji…


My relationship with Haji teaches the world two things.

One…Even at the ripe old age of 84 it is not too late to find true love.

And two?

It shows all of my Cardinals, Priests, and other ecumenical underlings, that enjoying hot sex is not relegated to having it with boys who are younger than fourteen.

Happy Kristallnacht…Happy Thanksgiving, and as always…

Yours in Christ,

Pope Benedict XVI


If you have any questions for Benny or would like to request an audience with the Pope, contact Matt-Man @:

neshobadude@yahoo.com
www.twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

Simbol Seks Terseksi Sepanjang Masa !


Dalam merayakan hari jadinya ke-75 tahun, majalah Life memamerkan sederet simbol seks yang pernah berkibar pada masanya. Mulai dari Elizabeth Taylor hingga Maryline Monroe diklaim sebagai simbol seks terseksi sepanjang masa.

Namun, foto yang ditampilkan tidaklah memamerkan ketelanjangan secara frontal melainkan realitas alami objek gambar yang menyemburkan keseksian. Seperti apa ?

Maryline Monroe

The one and only, Maryline Monroe membiarkan dirinya dipotret dengan keintiman yang brilian oleh fotografer Alfred Eisenstaedt. Dengan tatapan ke lensa kamera, foto ini telah berhasil membuat hati jutaan pria meleleh karenanya.

Elizabeth Taylor

Mendiang Elizabeth Taylor bersandar di sebuah pohon di Meksiko dengan gayanya yang centil dan menggoda. Dia berada di negara tersebut untuk kepentingan film Night of the Iguana pada tahun 1963. Richard Burton yang saat ini masih berstatus suaminya turut datang ke tempat itu.

Jane Fonda

Dengan pakaian super unik, Jane Fonda tampak begitu menggoda. Kostum tersebut digunakan sebagai properti film Barbarella di tahun 1967, dimana dia berperan sebagai penari stiptis yang membela kebenaran.

Jayne Mansfield

Jayne Mansfield memamerkan tubuh sempurnya dalam sebuah kolam renang dikeliling oleh boneka plastik versi dirinya. Foto ini diambil di Los Angeles pada tahun 1957.

Jeanne Craine

Aktris cantik Jeanne Craine menyentuh sebuah gelembung sabun dengan jarinya di dalam bathtub mewah penuh busa. Pemotretan ini diambil untuk kepentingan film Margie yang dibintanginya di tahun 1946.

Brigette Bardot

Simbol seks asal Perancis, Brigette Bardot tampak seksi dalam sesi interval syuting The Bear and the Doll di tahun 1970. Sekalipun terlihat lelah, Bardot masih terlihat sangat seksi.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Thanksgiving is About Planning and Preparation


Hola Bitches!

Jayman here, and I’m going to help get you ready for Thanksgiving. I know you’re thinking “Hey, that’s not until Thursday.” Well, that’s true, but you can never start preparing soon enough. There is just so much to do. So many decisions to make. So many plans. So much time needed to sit and watch old Thanksgiving episodes of Giada de Laurentiis on Food Network.

What? Who else you gonna watch? Sandra Lee? She probably uses turkey meat from a can and mixes it with ranch dressing and some spices in a food processer and then molds it into the form of a turkey. Rachael Ray? I doubt she even cooks her own turkey. Ina Garten? She probably gets some fancy custom made free range hybrid organic turkey flown in FROM TURKEY.

The first thing you have to do is count how many people you’re feeding. We’ll be doing Thanksgiving for three here at the Jayman Estates and I’ll be cooking most of it. Once you know how many you have to decide what time. We’re going to shoot for an early afternoon lunch. Somewhere around 1:30 ish.

Now you have to set the menu. Turkey? Or Turkey Breast? Or no turkey at all and instead have pork roast, ham, goose, duck or red meat? We’re going with turkey breast because that’s what everyone else wants. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m into dark meat, but I like to just go along so turkey breast it is. Side dishes will be mashed potatoes (not sweet potatoes, but some people like that crap), stuffing that will be brought by our guest as well as her candied yams (whatever the hell those are) asparagus and pea casserole (others go with green bean instead), cranberry sauce and of course some dinner rolls.

And wine. You don’t want to screw up the wine choice. Don’t be a cheapskate on this one. I recommend going with a good Merlot or maybe even a top quality Red Zinfandel. I know most people will get Cabernets, but I don’t really like Cabs. Also, I don’t like to follow all those snooty “rules” about which wine goes with which foods. Just so long as you get good wine, you’ll be okay.

Simple, yet delicious menu. Although I’m still looking around to see if there is something else I should add to it. Like Nachos or something good like that.

Next we have dessert. This one is always tough because people like what they like and don’t do much compromising on desserts. We’re going with Apple Pie (frozen, not homemade) and some Vanilla Ice Cream to go with it. A lot of people prefer to be all traditional and shit and go with Pumpkin Pie. My mother loves Pecan Pie, but she wants to wait and have one on Christmas. See, you gotta think these things through and make some tough decisions.

As you can see, all the tough decisions have to be made in advance. With proper preparation, you can make Thanksgiving Day go smoothly. The only things you have to worry about is making sure you don’t have all your side dishes sitting around getting cold while you’re waiting for the turkey to get done, or vice versa. And, you have more time to decide when the big family fight will break out. Don’t want that to happen too early in the day.

Of course, if you don’t want to do any of this you could always just go to Shoney’s.


OH one other thing! Another great tip would be for you to listen to our Thanksgiving Preview Show from Saturday. It was another 45 minutes of pure comedy and Thanksgiving GOLD!  Especially when Sunshine State Shirley, Mike and Mrs. Mike all called in. How much fun would they be at T-Giving dinner? I’m guessing a hell of a lot more fun than your family.

So check it out! We thank you so very much for listening and telling all your friends about us. You guys rock!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

IWS Babe of the Week: Gobble Gobble

The Holiday Season officially kicks off this week across this great land of ours, and it's no different here at the vast media empire of I'm With Stupid.

However, unlike most of America and all of Madison Avenue we don't ignore Thanksgiving. And, to honor those pesky pilgrims who braved the elements, sickness, and funny clothes, we say thank you, and let us getteh jiggy with it...

Mmmmmm, oh how I'd love to churn Abigail's butter...

If Poconaughty ever said "How" to me I'd show her how.


And of course the day after Thanksgiving millions of American hit the stores during "Black Friday".  I never participate, but if this is what I could get on sale during Black Friday, maybe I'd change my mind.


Gobble Gobble,

Matt-Man

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Matt Said, Jay Said XIV


Matt talks a lot. Jay talks a lot. You guys can’t get enough.

Matt: “WONG NUMBA! YOU GOT WONG NUMBA!”
Jay: “May I speak to the man of the house.”
Matt: “YOU WAIT ONE MINUTE I GET CWAZY GUY!”
Matt: “Matt-Man here, how may I be of service?”
Jay: “I got your service right here buddy.”
Matt: “You Sick Fuck.”
Jay: “Hey, I’m not the one with the Korean Houseboy.”
Matt: “I found him on Craigslist!”

Jay: “I’m loving those PolitiChicks.”
Matt: “They are quite entertaining.”
Jay: “And they’ve inspired me.”
Matt: “I’m afraid to ask.”
Jay: “You, Me, 2 other dudes doing a political webtv show.”
Matt: “Yeah?”
Jay: “POLITIDICKS!”
Matt: “Oh dear God.”
Jay: “It’s brilliant, isn’t it?”
Matt: “Yes, and we’ll RISE to great levels.”
Jay: “And SPEW out beliefs all over the internet’s face.”
Matt: “And … EWWW! .. And, we’ll hit the issues HARD!”
Jay: “And never go SOFT on anyone. Not even Victoria Jackson.”
Matt: "Let's not get carried away."
Jay: "You'd amend her constitution and you know it."
Matt: “Jesus. That’s sick. I don’t want to play anymore.”

Jay: “So, Thanksgiving Preview on Saturday’s show?”
Matt: “Well that would make sense.”
Jay: “We could talk about what we’re making and give some ideas.”
Matt: “We are dining and entertaining experts.”
Jay: “Martha Stewart, Ina Garten, Giada de Laurentiis, Sandra Lee? They got nothing on us.”
Matt: “What are you talking about?”
Jay: “We're the male version of those hotties.”
Matt: “Anyway, we’ll talk turkey.”
Jay: “And stuffing.”
Matt: “Mashed potatoes.”
Jay: “Asparagus and Pea Casserole.”
Matt: “I do a green bean casserole. Never tried the A&P.”
Jay: “It’s delicious, but so is the green bean. How ‘bout yams?”
Matt: “I like yams…”
Jay: “Gross.”
Matt: “But Schmoop doesn’t.”
Jay: “Schmoop has great taste.”
Matt: “Most of the time.”
Jay: “So, Thanksgiving Preview it is!”
Matt: “It will be HUGE!”

--

In other news, on Wednesday Matt-Man and I rambled and meandered around the big issues of the day like a lazy river winding its way to the ocean. We talked about the NFL, I ranted about Sabermetrics, we talked Herman Cain and well, just all kinds of other stuff. So check it out and be entertained the way you like it.


Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio


Friday, November 18, 2011

Pencuri Ditelanjangi di Jalanan Ramai !

Massa yang tertawa bertindak sebagai hakim sekaligus juri saat seorang pencuri mencuri tas seorang perempuan tua. Mereka melucuti pencuri hingga bugil, hanya tertinggal kaus kaki, dan membiarkannya berdiri di pinggir jalan yang sibuk.

Begundal itu dipermalukan di depan umum di kota Providencia di Meksiko barat laut, lapor Daily Mail,  setelah sejumlah orang mengejar dia menyusul teriakan minta tolong seorang perempuan. Ketika berhasil menangkapnya, mereka mendorong dia ke tanah dan mulai mencopot semua pakaiannya.  Videonya http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtLMyrzfJRc

Mereka mengabaikan permohonannya untuk mendapat keringanan hukuman. Sepatunya dilemparkan ke jalan raya disusul celana dan pakaian dalamnya. Gambar video, yang direkam pelintas bernama Luis Guzman melalui ponselnya, itu lalu menunjukkan seorang warga menyuruh pencuri malang tersebut mencopot sendiri bajunya.

Kerumunan orang, dari jalanan di atasnya, kemudian melemparkan koin dan botol plastik ke arah penjahat jadi sangat malu itu. Dia mencoba untuk naik mobil yang lewat dengan meminta tolong kepada pengemudinya tapi ditolak. Dia kemudian digiring seorang petugas polisi.

Guzman mengatakan, "Ketika seseorang mulai berteriak, copot pakaiannya, copot pakaiannya, itu sangat lucu. Mereka mulai dengan sepatunya, yang mereka lemparkan ke jalan, kemudian celananya, lalu celana dalamnya. Terakhir mereka mencopot atasannya. Itu bagus. Saya pikir baik bahwa orang melihat hal itu terjadi. Polisi kemudian datang dan menahannya. Semua orang bersorak. Itu merupakan akhir yang fantastis."

Kejadian serupa terjadi pada awal bulan ini di Lima, Peru, di mana sekelompok sopir taksi bersatu melawan para penjahat yang mencoba merampok seorang kolega mereka. Para sopir itu memukuli para perampok tersebut, memaksa mereka telanjang dan berjalan di jalan raya bersuhu di bawah nol derajat.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

I Am Superfan!

Hola Bitches! Jayman here! As you may know, I’m a bit of a sports junkie. I love keeping up with all leagues and sports. And, I have a few teams that are my favorites. I am a fan of the Arkansas Razorbacks, New Orleans Saints, Houston Texans, Tennessee Titans, San Antonio Spurs, New York Knicks, St. Louis Cardinals, and a few others.

Hell, I’m not just “a” fan; I’m “THE” fan of these teams. I’m the greatest fan of all time! Nobody loves these teams as much as I do. Don’t even try to claim that your level of fandom is as great as mine, because it’s not. You think you’re a great fan, but in reality you’re only a so-so fan. I’ve heard you say negative things about these teams, which means you’re not a REAL fan.

Don’t try to deny it. I heard you saying that the Arkansas offensive line is a sieve, just letting defenses run right through them.  I was right there when you said that the Saints defense has given up more ground than the French Army in 1940. I heard you call the Spurs “old.” And you said the Cardinals a bunch of “average” players with a “washed up” manager who just got lucky.

You can’t be a real fan if you say negative things about your supposedly favorite teams. I’m just not going to put up with it. You should be more like me! I’m the greatest sports fan of all time! Hell, my team could be getting beat 75-0 and I would still let people know that I haven’t given up on them. And, if you dare mention that they might not be that good, I’ll jump all over you and point out that you are a shitty fan and a troll.

Don’t try to give me the old “Hey, I was just expressing an opinion, man” bullshit. The only opinion allowed around here is the one that agrees with mine! There will be no dissension allowed. And don’t try to tell me that you’re just being “realistic” either. You know what reality is? Whatever I say it is!

Arkansas Razorbacks? Best college football team in the country. Not even close. I have no clue how Bama beat them. The Hogs are sooooooo much better than Bama. And, the Hogs deserve a shot at the BCS championship game even over teams that are undefeated.

Spurs? They’re just the perfect combination of veteran leadership and youthful exuberance. If and when the NBA gets underway, they’re gonna dominate the league and then play the Knicks in NBA Finals and win it all! Just like the Cardinals did. I was the only one who knew they were going to win it all. Never had a doubt.

The Saints are just bored with the regular season. They’ll cruise along and when they get to the playoffs, they’ll turn it on and march into to the Super Bowl where they’ll face the winner of the Texans/Titans battle in the AFC Championship game.

Don’t you even think about disagreeing with me for even one second! Like I said, I’m Super Fucking Fan! I’m the greatest fan ever! And you’re a shitty fan because you don’t agree with me 100% of the time. This is the only way it can work. It’s all or nothing. Either you’re with me or you’re against me.

You can go on living in boring old Realitystan, or you can join me here in Awesomeville. It’s your choice. Don’t make the wrong one! 

Jayman