Showing posts with label Jews. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jews. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Rosh Hashanah 2011: Suckers!!

Hi Kidz, Matt-Man here…and today? We are celebrating Rosh Hashanah.

Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year. While technically called in Hebrew, Days of Awe or Day to Blow the Shofar, I call it…

The Kick-Off to the yearly 847 Jewish Holidays…or as my Korean-Jewish neighbor Kow Dung Holstein calls it…

Wash Hashanra.

Whatever…he can praise the Torwah, and delight in his kosher dog meat all he wants for all I care, that‘s cwazy…

Anyhoo, and like I said…

It’s the Jewish New Year, and we all have to like the Jews…and even more so, we have to adore the State of Israel. And seriously, what’s not to like?

I mean, c’mon, it’s a successful bastion of democracy smack dab in the heart of Muslim, sandnigger country. Which of course is why we, the United States, give them 2 Billion dollars a year.

And because they are a biblical people who for whatever reason God likes, you can’t hate them…in spite of the cost!! Now dig it…

We borrow 2 Billion dollars from the Chinese. We give the 2 Billion to Netanyahu and his Israeli cronies. The Israelis invest it in research and develop weapons, and then…the Christ-Killing, non-foreskin bastards sell the technology to the diminutive demagogues in Peking.

What’s not to like about that? Just staying true to the DNA passed down by the Moneychangers in the Temple, I guess!! How can one hate the Israelis for that?

Ya can’t. In fact…because they appear in the Bible as God’s chosen people…in America, it is a moral and political crime to speak ill of them at all.

Hell….Even though they killed God’s only begotten Son, all we hear from FOX NEWS, the GOP, and Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-Haifa) is:

“It was all a big mix up; Obama paid off Pilate

Y’know…Fuck that.

The Jewish Sanhedrin, wanted Jesus dead because he was a threat to their, pay for play power with the Romans, who allowed the dried up Rabbis to pretend that they actually had power.

The Jews were the whores and the Romans were the Johns, not the disciple John mind you, ‘cause John was queer…okay he could have turned man tricks but…a gay John nonetheless. Where was I? Anyway…

Why do American Christians, specifically American evangelical Christians, kowtow to the State of Israel?

Because in Biblical prophecy, Jerusalem must be ravaged by heathens, destroyed, and then rebuilt to fulfill the Second Coming of Christ!! I say, if that’s the case…

Why the fuck are we spending all that money to help protect them?

Let’s cut off funding, suck the ego out of Prime Minister Netanyahu’s head, and allow the Palestinians to set things in motion, by destroying the damn place, so right-to-work Jewish (or nearly-slave wage Palestinian) labor can restore it and usher in the Baby Jeebus.

Hell, we’ll have peace in our time and then maybe, Ariel Sharon wouldn’t have to be spoon fed any longer. Just sayin…

Oh…Happy Fucking Rosh Hashanah, you Hebrewlites. 

I hope you, like I, are enjoying the irony of how the evangelical right worships you, you Christ-Killing party animals.

Matt-Man
http://twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Muammar Gaddafi in Hiding

Hallo my underpinnings…Happy Brotherly Leader and Guide of the Revolution of Libya, Muammar Gaddafi here, however…

Where exactly is, “here?”

That is for me to know and you to not find out so much. Ha Ha Ha Ha!!

Tell you what…Supreme Ruler give you hint…

I am resting mostly in comfort in an indisclosed, center of command where the waters run cool and the shadows never speak.

It is from here that I will direct my return to my rightful seat of rule as the benevolent, full of triumph, all seeing monocle of Libya.

I can hold out as long as it takes to win my people back, as my supplies are well and plentiful.

I have much Hot Pita Pockets on hand and a new microwave, thus any rumors of me running stray and hungry, are mere entrées of propaganda served upon a cold plate of hate, by waiters of unscrupulous menus.

Although…As my microwave is solar powered, I do miss my midnight snack. I’ll have Chi-Chi do something about that, but I digest…

Listen my acolytes, my apostles, my peeps…This unfounded insurrection against my stern, but loving hand of governance, is a direct result of the secret, Zionist Brainwashing Program initiated by Israel in 2006.

That’s right, friends of mine. The Zionist thugs of Israel having been keeping a secret from you. Hear me now, and ridicule me later, but for now, allow your ears to become, “The Lobes of Truth.”

You may think former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon had a stroke in 2006 and has been in a coma to this day. No my friends, that is the great untrue.

Sharon was knocked unconscious, and after inserting a microchip transponder that plays verses of the Torah and cuts from Jew Girl, Marlo Thomas’ Free to Be…You and Me into his brain, was blasted into orbit on a rocket called, Big Maccabee I.

The “Arab Spring” of which people speak is not a grass roots movement formed on the fertile ground of the Muslim world, but is rather a hellish attack from the heavens perpetrated by Hymies.

And let me tell you, if it takes me to be blasted into orbit in order to end this reign of Tel Avivivian terror, I shall do just that.

Strap me in…fire up the engines…and stock plenty of Hot Pita Pockets. 

Muammar is on a mission to Planet Moses, and the M-Man is gonna plant the flag of Allah smack dab in the middle of his dead head.

Shalom,

M-Gad Bling