The Founding Fathers and Michele Bachmann...A Match Made in Peyote

As the national party known as the 235^th Annual 4^th of July Let’s Get Drunk and Light off Fireworks Bash draws nigh, I thought I’d lick an eye of newt, smoke a bowl of peyote, get out my Ouija board, and channel the spirits of some of our founding fathers and the like.

I was hoping for some deep, philosophical communications with them in regards to the state of our nation, however…

All they wanted to do was talk about Michele Bachmann. It was odd, but I wrote down some of their quippier and pithier undead comments as they spoke…

Thomas Jefferson: She’s pretty damn hot…for a white girl.

George Washington: I cannot tell a lie…I’d bust her cherry tree in an instant.

Patrick Henry: If I could remove the head of that Sean Hannity motherfucker from her arse for just one second, I would angrily, yet happily, oscillate her anal orifice with vigor and profundity.

Samuel Adams: She’d look great on a beer bottle.

Benjamin Franklin: She has a lovely face, however; she lacks a sufficient amount of cream in her bodkins that I find so appealing in a women, and that which churns, shall we say, “my sexual butter.”

You can’t argue with the Founding Fathers, so step off Tom Petty.

Michele Bachmann obviously is, an American Girl.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
Matt-Man on Twitter 

Liberty Is In the Eye of the Beholder

It’s almost the Fourth of July, kids.

The day on which we Americans celebrate our greatness as a nation with cookouts, parades, and fireworks.

 

And look how far we have evolved in these past 235 years after rolling back the oppression initially placed upon by British rule...

In 1773, the British felt our wrath after they taxed our tea. Today? Coca-Cola, Pepsi, and others of their obesity inducing ilk feel our wrath as we tax the hell out of sugary drinks.

Years after slavery had been abolished in other western nations including Britain, founding father John Quincy Adams lay down the law and a mere thirty years later, his echoes helped to abolish slavery in this nation.

While European countries were violently and greedily colonizing Africa and Asia, America stood firm in her dedication to individualism and liberty by helping ill-informed and less knowledgeable Native American groups find their footing in our great society.

In the 1900’s we helped to defeat the Kaiser and his Jerrys. We built skyscrapers, railroads, and automobiles. We were not only defining the future…we were shaping it, and making it.

During World War II, while Hitler was busy gassing Jews, we as Americans, treated our Japanese citizens with respectful silence, as we fed them three squares a day in well-apportioned and well-secured housing.

During the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s while the Soviet Union and China were attempting to spread their vile form of godless authority, we were defending freedom by bombing Cambodia, propping up well-meaning dictators in Latin America, the Middle East, and southwest Asia.

Democracy is a hard road to hoe, but it comes with distinct definitions which only we as Americans can understand and navigate.

Today in America our government is no less bold nor courageous than when Patrick Henry thunderously pounded upon an old oak table and demanded his liberty, or when Nathan Hale regretted that he had but one live to give to this country.

No indeed…

America is guided by individuals who continue her greatness by debating such issues as, can rape victims have an abortion…can two guys or two women marry…is it legal to burn Chinese made American flags?

Heady stuff my friends, and this 4^th of July, after I watch the explosions of celebratory colors in the skies, I will rest assured that our greatness and liberties are in good hands…

As I navigate my way home through the DUI Checkpoints that the government has set up.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
MattManTwitter