Showing posts with label Halloween. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Halloween. Show all posts

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Matt Said, Jay Said XI


Matt said a few things, Jay said a few things, and then we moved on.

Matt: “Howdy Ho!”
Jay: “Ever notice that I’m always the one doing the calling.”
Matt: “Hmm … What’s up with that?”
Jay: “Nobody ever calls me. No texts, messages or calls. Ever.” *SIGH*
Matt: “Jay, the Self-Pity Show is over.”
Jay: “It never ends for me.”
Matt: “Awww”
Jay: “That wasn’t a very sincere sounding ‘aww’”
Matt: “It’s the best I can do though.”

Jay: “I posted Wednesday’s show EVERYWHERE”
Matt: “You are a marketing guru.”
Jay: “Yeah, and I played up the strange “turning asexual” talk we had.”
Matt: “That was a little weird. But, weird things happen like that sometimes.”
Jay: “And, I figured those people might be some untapped listener.”
Matt: “Nobody really reaches out to touch them much.”
Jay: “True. And they’re kind of lonely.”
Matt: “As are most of society’s outcasts.”
Jay: “Just like us.”
Matt: “We can certainly relate to others who just don’t fit in.”

Jay: “Lindsay Lohan posing for playboy!”
Matt: “Dreams we didn’t know we had are coming true.”
Jay: “Only 8 to 10 years too late.”
Matt: “Exactly. Hope Miley doesn’t make this mistake. She’s pushing it already.”
Jay: “She’s practically an old hag by now. Miley, not Lindsay. Lindsay has been for a while.”
Matt: “True. True.”

Matt: “New maintenance chick here at the Digs.”
Jay: “Oh really? A maintenance babe?”
Matt: “I’m watching her rake leaves. Apparently this is a VERY physically demanding activity.”
Jay: “Lots of bending and repetitive motion.”
Matt: “Just a carpal tunnel worker’s comp claim waiting to happen.”
Jay: “Poor girl, but what can they do. She’s a girl, so she can’t do actual maintenance work.”
Matt: “Can’t give her power tools! She’ll hurt someone.”
Jay: “So she has to do women’s work. Cleaning, sweeping, raking.”
Matt: “And she doesn’t appear to enjoy it.”
Jay: “I hope she runs into Angry Mailman. That would be quite the encounter.”
Matt: “They might run off together.”

Jay: “Okay, so Halloween Extravaganza?”
Matt: “You could call it ‘Spooktacular’ cause no one ever uses that!”
Jay: “Creeptacular?”
Matt: “Oh yeah! We are definitely creepy enough for that.”
Jay: “That’s why the chicks dig us.”
Matt: “They can tell we know how to get our freak on.”
Jay: “Even in asexual ways.”
Matt: “We are men of many talents.”
Jay: “Okay, Halloween show of some kind.”
Matt: “I’m no it! Gonna be great.”
Jay: “We always are!”
Matt: “Can’t wait!”

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While waiting for that show, you can listen to Wednesday’s absolutely hilarious and entertaining show. It was 45 minutes of pure randomness and irreverence that we are famous for. We rapidly, yet efficiently made our way through Lindsay Lohan, SEO marketing issues with the website, Mitt Romney and his bad week, some Halloween Show prep, turning asexual and eating Pringles Sour Cream and Onion potato chips.

That’s quality entertainment at a fair price right there. We hope you listen and enjoy the show because making you, our readers, listeners and friends happy is all we’ve got what it’s all about.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio


Thursday, October 27, 2011

Easy, Last Minute Halloween Costumes for the Man Who Has Nothing

Cheers Chuckleheads, and...

In case you were nursed on thalidomide instead of Similac like one of my brothers, you have probably forgotten that Halloween is this weekend, and are in need of a last minute costume to wear to the parties tonight and tomorrow.

No fears…The Matt-Man has you covered with some really awesome, last-minute Halloween costume ideas.

Of course it’s easy for a woman to come up with a last-minute costume. Hell, they can just throw on a bra, a skirt, and a gallon of perfume and go as a hooker, or do what IWS’s friend, Tiffy Crack deVille did…


A couple of felt arachnids strategically placed upon her nipples, and voila, she is, Spider Woman!!

Or even more basic, just do what our IWS Correspondent Kim Fragile did last year…Take off your bra, throw on a leather jacket, and go as, Eeeeeeeeeezy Ridah


Women have it made, however, do not fret my good men of the male persuasion, give me five minutes and I’ll help you out.

Last year, I was notified by the IWS Marketing Department that I was to appear at a Halloween party to help benefit St. Rita’s School for the Deaf, Dumb, and Guilted.

What better way to celebrate both Halloween and Catholicism than by grabbing a piece of construction paper, a Sharpie, and dressing like Pope Benedict XVI!?

Have a pair of sunglasses, White-Out, and a red marker? You’re good to go. Check it out, just make slants on your glasses with the White-Out, apply blotches to your face with the red marker, and look…


You are now, Hee So Glo, former Head Janitor at the Fukushima Nuclear Power Plant. Or…

If you prefer the Chinks to the Nips, use the same glasses with the applied White-Out, don a silk robe, and Abwacadabwa…


You now, Hu Hefnorrrrr, CEO and editor of China’s number one men’s magazine…Prayboy.

Make sure you tell the other guests what all it took for you to get Rindsay Rohan to do spwead for yu. Ha-ho…

A couple of year’s ago, I hadn’t been invited to any Halloween parties and was headed out to eat by myself at the counter at Waffle House to enjoy some hash browns and heartache when the phone rang, and on the other end was an invite to a party. 

I had ten minutes…tops.

So…

I grabbed a bottle of booze, dyed my hair, scribbled some unreadable, poorly written dialogue onto seven pieces of paper, threw on a sweater that was really ugly, and lo and behold…

I was Ernest Hemingway…The resemblance is un-fucking-canny, is it not? Of course, you could always do the following as well…

When Halloween is over and your friends ask you why you didn’t show up for the Halloween bash, you can always respond…

“I was there.” and they’ll reply…

“You were? I didn’t see you?” To which you say…

“That’s because I came as The Invisible Man.”

Trick-or-Treat, Bitches, and make sure to join Jayman and me on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio Saturday at 6:30 PM EDT, as we celebrate Halloween. It’s going to be spooktacular.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man