We Talk the Talk and name Rihanna Babe of the Week

I’m With Stupid is proud to announce recording artist Rihanna as our Babe of the Week this week! Although she had been around for a couple years, Rihanna burst onto the scene in a big way in 2007 with her smash single Umbrella (ella, ella, ella, ella, ella) off of her bestselling “Good Girl Gone Bad” CD. Umbrella was co-written and produced by none other than Jay-Z who “discovered” Rihanna. I’d like to “discover” her myself, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, while that “ella, ella, ella” hook might have gotten old, Rihanna had arrived had definitely arrived. And, with her stunning good looks and long legs, there was little doubt that Bajan Babe’s singing talent was only going to be matched by her sex appeal. 

 So, Don’t Stop the Music Rihanna, cause I’m no Rude Boy and the first time Matt-Man and I saw you I knew We Found Love. And you should know we are the type who will Talk the Talk but also back it up and say that you are the Only Girl in the World who could possibly be named Babe of the Week. 

 

And, while you’re enjoying the lovely and talented Rihanna, you might also enjoy our Celebration of Women from Saturday night’s I’m With Stupid podcast. We talked about all the things we love about women and why. We also creeped on some Facebook babes and then Mike called in to UP the creep factor as we Googled some famous babes and tried to find the hottest chick from Dominica.

All that and soooooo much more! So, check it out. And don’t ever forget that we love each and every one of you out there!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Matt Said, Jay Said XIII

Matt and Jay talk sometimes. Their conversations are fascinating. 

Matt: “THE RINGING NOISE JUST WON’T STOP!”
Jay: “Did you take your meds this morning?”
Matt: “Schmoop sets my pills out on the counter for me each morning.”
Jay: “Just like she does your clothes.”
Matt: “She has a very nice fashion sense.”

Jay: “Tons of new people on our Facebook Fan Page.”
Matt: “Yeah, nice flurry of activity.”
Jay: “Where’d they all come from?”
Matt: “I sent out invites.”
Jay: “Oh, so a bunch of Ohio Ruffians?”
Matt: “Nothing but good-hearted people.”
Jay: “I hope they don’t steal anything.”
Matt: “Now that was totally uncalled for!”

Jay: “Oh damn, check out who joined this morning.”
Matt: “OOOOH YEAH! I saw her.”
Jay: “I like the pic of her playing pool.”
Matt: “I like a girl who can handle a stick.”
Jay: “She can chalk my cue stick anytime.”
Matt: “She could hustle me.”
Jay: “Ha! We should do this for an entire show sometime.”
Matt: “We could. It would be pretty funny.”
Jay: “Just go to some chick’s Facebook page and talk about her while drooling over her pics.”
Matt: “Nothing creepy about that at all.”
Jay: “Well, we won’t name names or anything.”
Matt: “Too late. The Creepy Train has already left the station.”

Jay: “Guess you saw what Ashton Kutcher tweeted about Penn State?”
Matt: “Yes, that idiot.”
Jay: “Now he’s gonna quit tweeting or something.”
Matt: “If I was married to Demi Moore I wouldn’t have time to tweet.”
Jay: “There would definitely be better things to do.”
Matt: “Unless I’m tweeting pics of Demi.”
Jay: “Or Tweet “I just woke up next to Demi Moore and you didn’t.”
Matt: “Just took a shower: WITH DEMI MOORE.”
Jay: “Just staying in tonight … WITH DEMI MOORE!”
Matt: “Pizza and a movie … WITH DEMI MOORE!”
Jay: “Boring life, going to bed early … WITH DEMI MOORE!”
Matt: “Going shopping … WITH DEMI MOORE!”
Jay: “Playing naked Twister … WITH DEMI MOORE!”

*BTW, the previous exchange works just as well with many other famous women like Sofia Vergara, Scarlett Johansson and a whole host of others.

Matt: “We could talk about stay at home moms on this week’s show?”
Jay: “Or just celebrate women in general, must like we just were … kinda.”
Matt: “Oh yeah! We could do that. We love women.”
Jay: “Exactly! Talking about something we love makes the show better.”
Matt: “Okay then … Celebrating Women it is.”
Jay: “Done.”

So, don’t forget to tune in this week to celebrate women with us. It’s gonna be a HAWT show!

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And, while you’re waiting for that show to start, you can listen to Wednesday’s show where we talked about all kinds of great stuff including Jerry Sandusky and the very disturbing scandal at Penn State. We also celebrated the great victory by working folks in Ohio by beating back Issue 2.

All that and so much more hilarity, so give us a listen. Don’t forget that we love each and every one of you guys.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Veteran's Day: Here's to Our Unsung Heroes

As today is Veteran’s Day in the United States, I decided against offering the empty and obligatory, “Thank You for Your Service.”, bullshit.

Instead, I thought that I would go that meaningful extra mile in order to research and honor some Veterans who do not get the accolades that they deserve.

Corporal Randolph Agarn: From 1865 until 1867 Cpl. Agarn was an integral part in defending the U.S. Army base, Fort Courage located in Kansas.

Agarn was looked upon as a dimwitted stooge, but this was merely a ruse. He was skilled in the art of being a confidence man. Along with Sergeant O’Rourke, he managed to keep the feared Hekawi Indian tribe peaceful.

Not only did Agarn keep the Hekawi tribe complacent by selling them whiskey, his introduction of fire water to the Hekawi spread among all Indian tribes eventually quashing the red menace into nothing more than groups of drunken people who have for generations lived in alcohol induced poverty and self-loathing.

Thank you for your service Cpl. Agarn!!

1st Lieutenant Larry King: Oh sure many of you know Larry King as a talk show legend on CNN, but…

How many of you knew that when 23 years old, Lt. King served alongside Gen. George Washington in the Continental Army during the American Revolution? It’s truuue.

From 1778 until the end of the war in 1781, Lt. Larry King was Gen. Washington’s Public Information Crier. His impeccable service was defined by his line delivered during the Battle of Yorktown when he screamed at the enemy lines:

“Lord Cornwallis, London, England…You are in the throes of defeat with Gen. Washington and the Marquis de Lafayette, go ahead!!”

Thank you for your service Lt. King!!

Capt. Merrill Stubing: Yes, the avuncular Capt. Stubing for years commanded the cruise ship, The Pacific Princess, but prior to that, during the Vietnam War, Stubing was at the helm of the navy destroyer, U.S.S. Aaron Spelling.

For years, he and his crew successfully patrolled the Caribbean making certain that Vietcong insurgents did not infiltrate the gulf ports of Texas, Louisiana, and Mississippi under the guise of being simple, refugee shrimpers.

Thank you for your service Capt. Stubing!!

Lastly…

Staff Sergeant Peter “Prank-Man” Powers: Sgt. Powers was a marginal, obnoxious, non-descript, soldier at best, but in 1991 during the first Iraq Gulf War, Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf personally tabbed him for a mission that gave the Allies a crucial edge.

The CIA had secured the direct phone number to Saddam Hussein’s Command and Control Center. Sgt. Powers was given the duty of continually tying up this Iraqi phone line with prank phone calls.

During the initial air invasion of Iraq, Powers prevented the Iraqis from ordering fighters to scramble and AA defenses to go up by calling the Command Center and goofing on them.

For a crucial one hour and sixteen minutes, Iraqi command center officers were unable to get their jets to scramble as an avalanche of American cruise missiles and warplanes approached, because they were too busy checking out Sgt. Powers' inquiry as to whether or not Mike Hunt was there.

Iraqi counter-attacks, re-routing of supplies, and orders to kill Kurds out of spite were unable to go through because Powers tied up the phone with such gems as:

Is this the person to whom I am speaking? Is your oasis running? I’m Reggie with the New York Times; could I interest you in a subscription? And of course…

Do you have Prince Albert Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti in a can?

Powers was a frickin’ genius and an unsung hero.

Thank you for your service Sgt. Powers.

Enjoy your Veterans Day, all. And please, don’t forget to check out the mattress sale at an authorized Serta dealer near you.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
http://twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

Joe Paterno Fired: and somehwere a little boy is crying It's a Travesty!!

Cheers all…Matt-Man here. And ya know what?

For today’s post, I was going to write a overtly offensive and satirical piece as Slyder Balzcock about the sexual molestation allegations against former Penn State University defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky today, but…

After a couple of pints of Wild Irish Rose and a few beers, I changed my mind.

Yesterday on the IWS Radio Show, Jayman and I joked about Jerry Sandusky and his alleged penchant for little boys. I have no regrets about that, it’s what we do, and…some of what we said is very funny.

However…

Much of the joking we did, revolved around the shameless obviousness of not only Jerry Sandusky’s alleged child rape activities, but how the administration of PSU tried to cover it up, and how over-zealous and lemming type PSU fans are outraged over the media coverage of this sad situation as well.

Y’know…Not only has and is Jerry Sandusky allegedly suffering from a sickness that compels him to seek out young boys in a sexual way, Joe Paterno, if all of the allegations are found to be true, is guilty as hell as well.

I know Penn State fans, your beloved Joe Pa can do no wrong but, if the allegations bear out, Paterno is less than a good man than Sandusky is.

If proven true, Jerry Sandusky and his sexual molestations and raping of little boys is sick, twisted, and obviously, illegal. If proven true, Sandusky should live out his remaining years in prison. I think even PSU supporters agree with me on that.

However…

Where ardent and even only casual supporters of Penn State University may differ with me, is the amount of blame Joe Paterno should take.

It has been reported that Paterno knew that Sandusky had been, and was “recruiting” little boys as young as eight, as far back as back 2002.

Paterno had the ability to protect little kids, or protect the program, he sadly, chose the latter..You see…In 2002 a Graduate Assistant told Joe Paterno that Sandusky was assaulting a little boy in a shower. What did beloved Joe Pa do?

He did was he was obligated to do…He informed the AD or whoever was above him on the money machine that is the College Football food chain.

Sure, Joe Paterno did the right thing by the numbers, but he failed to do what is right, and what was right in this instance, was to call the police, or at least urge the AD to call the police and get to the truth.

That fact about Paterno’s inaction, aside from the alleged abuse of innocent kids at the hands of Jerry Sandusky, is the saddest thing about this story.

You see…Paterno, whether one likes Penn State football or not, is a coaching legend. He has won more games than anyone in Division I football…He in the eyes of college football fans, is (or was) an icon.

And now?

He is none of that. He is now nothing but an old man who put his ego and the next bid to a BCS Bowl above what is right…above what is right.

Due to his work and hands-on approach over the decades, Joe Paterno created and edified the success that is the Penn State football program, and yet, in what seems like seconds…

By his inaction and hands-off approach, he destroyed it.

Even if found to be true, Penn State and its football program could have survived Jerry Sandusky going to prison for his barbarous actions against kids, but only if one thing had happened some years ago…

If the mighty shaper of men, pillar of character, and no-nonsense legend Joe Paterno had turned to the police rather than the money hungry halls of the University, PSU would be fine, as would Paterno himself.

However…The loveable, avuncular Joe Pa chose the path of least resistance, the road to more funding, and the quasi-clearing of his own conscience, and sold out.

It’s sad.

I have often said to people who say to me, “Matt, you should really respect your elders.”

I always retort, “I respect wisdom, and let me tell you, wisdom does not always come with age.”

And in Joe Paterno’s case, neither does doing the right thing.

I began joking with others some eight to ten years ago, how Joe Paterno should retire because his heart was not in the game anymore, but he won’t because he hates his family…Little did I know how right I was.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
http://twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

When the Internet Goes Down, My Rage Rises

Hola Bitches! Jayman here and let me tell ya, I’m not a man who angers easily, but I’m flat-out fucking pissed and Cox Cable is about to meet the business end of The I’m With Stupid Shit List. FEEL THE WRATH MOTHER FUCKERS! We’ve been without cable, phone and internet for almost nine fucking hours now and there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight.

Jesus! I switched from Windstream DSL to Cox Cable because Windstream had been going down a lot and the Cox “bundle” seemed like a good idea. But, recently Cox has been going down quite frequently. And today it fucking crapped out big time. This is BULLSHIT!

A few little fucking clouds and Cox freaks out like a five year old girl experiencing her first tornado. This is fucking embarrassing. If I worked for Cox Cable I would fucking quit before I died of shame. I can’t believe I missed that HUGE game between Western Michigan and Toledo because of Cox’s shittyness.

Or is it Easter Michigan? I’m so pissed I can’t even remember.

I guess I’ll fucking call Matt-Man when he gets home from the Beer Mine and have him set up Wednesday’s show.  And I doubt it’ll be back up by the time the show starts so he’ll have to do the switchboard and chat room alone while I call in on my cell phone. Unless Cox figures out a way to fuck my cell phone too, that is. And don’t think for a second they won’t if they get the chance, the incompetent fucks.

You know, Cox talked about getting in the cell phone business. Well, fuck that. I wouldn’t get one of their cell phones if it was fucking free. I can just see it now. I’m on my way to visit family and I’m broke down on the side of the road in middle of fucking nowhere Iowa and I grab my cellphone to call for help and WHAT DO YOU KNOW! FUCKING COX IS EXPERIENCING A FUCKING OUTAGE!

And then I’ll look up and there will be fucking zombies walking out of the corn fields as the sun begins to set late in the day. God I fucking hate zombies. Even more than vampires, and I’m sick and fucking tired of fucking vampires.

Of course, they’ll get right on that and get it all fixed just as soon as humanly possible. Which means whenever they fucking feel like it. Customer service? What’s that shit? We’re Cox Cable, we’re not into that.

Oh I know what you’re saying! “Is somebody experiencing some ‘First World’ problems?” Yeah, well FUCK YOU. No, someone is experiencing ‘A FUCKING OUTRAGEOUSLY OVERPRICED SERVICE ISN’T WORKING’ problem. There’s a fucking difference.

Besides, what the fuck would you do in the same situation? Sitting here on a rainy night in fucking Redneckville, Arkansas with no cable, phone or internet? No NCIS. No college football. NO SONS OF MOTHER FUCKING ANARCHY!! No talking to your friends who all live in the gray rectangular box that sits atop your Tablemate II. Nothing to do but sit here and listen to CLASSIC FUCKING RADIO for hours on end. It’s not a pretty fucking picture, is it? No it’s not and you know what else? FUCK THE GOD DAMN BEATLES.

I thought writing this would make me feel better but now I’m more pissed than ever. Fucking Cox Cable. Everyone who works there can eat a bag of dicks. 

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/jayman_iws

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Oh and last Saturday we threw a virtual Pizza Part on I’m With Stupid. We talked our favorite pizzas, I told about my days delivering to swingers and drug deals and Matt-Man talked about some of his own pizza creations. Plus we spent a few minutes with Zombie Andy Rooney. The show is getting lots and lots of action, so it must have been a good one. We appreciate all of our listeners.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Vote NO on Issue 2 in Ohio, 'Cause if you Don't, Gov. Kasich is Going to Sing!!

Today I am discussing Issue 2 which is on the ballot today in Ohio.  A No vote on Issue 2 will repeal Senate Bill 5 which was passed in Ohio recently and severely limits the collective bargaining rights of public employees in Ohio.

I am voting No on Issue 2 and will tell you why, but as a matter of full disclosure, I feel it necessary to tell you that I am a former Ohio public employee and a former staff rep for SEIU.

Anyway…

What follows, is why I think Ohioans should vote No on Issue 2, thus repealing SB 5, and its raping of collective bargaining rights of public employees in Ohio.

Our Governor, John Kasich, the man behind this anti-union bill and proponent of the Issue 2 YES campaign that keeps SB 5 as law, is a MASSIVE dickhead.

Oh sure, you’re saying to yourselves…

“Matt-Man is merely re-living his Union days and thinks Kasich is a MASSIVE dickhead because of his kinship with public employees.”

Not true…

Sure I have historical ties to public employee unions, but I am first and foremost a reporter of the truth and would never call Gov. Kasich a MASSIVE dickhead without confirmation or corroboration, so…

On Twitter Monday night, I asked my friend, cohort, and fellow “man beyond reproach”, Jayman, what HE thought of Gov. Kasich...

Jayman responded, and I quote…

“Kasich is a MASSIVE dickhead who actually has a teeny-weenie wee-wee.”

See? Jayman doesn’t even live in Ohio and he knows of Kasich’s MASSIVE dickheadedness. It’s not just the choir singin’ here folks.

Although, if there was a choir singing, Kasich would probably be in it. I hear he likes show tunes and the such.

I’m not saying he’s gay or anything, but during his 1996 reelection campaign for his congressional seat, his opponent, Cynthia Ruccia implied that he was gay by asking questions as to why Kasich shared his D.C. digs with his well-paid male chief-of staff for several years. Uh-huh…

I am not into tawdry speculation of that nature, but I must tell you, I recently had a dream that John Kasich was having sex with Marcus Bachmann, and….enjoying every minute of it.

In my forty-six years of sleeping, once in awhile my dreams have proven to be true, so…I can’t completely discount the notion that Kasich may be gay, especially since he and his first wife, Mary Lee, divorced “amicably”.

How many non-gay men have an amicable divorce? IKR? And listen…

Not to add grist to the rumor mill, but I heard that the divorce was amicable because after Kasich cried like a little schoolgirl, his soon to be ex wife Mary Lee, relented and let him keep half of her clothes.

And not that this could have anything to do with him being gay, or not, but…he was raised Catholic, and you know what they say…

“Once you go Franciscan, you'll never go straight agin’.”

Although I will say, after his parents were killed in a car crash he turned to evangelical Christianity. I guess he blamed the Pope.

Anyway…

I hope I have shed some light upon why SB 5 is a bad bill and why for the following reasons, it should be repealed by voting No on Issue 2…

John Kasich is a MASSIVE dickhead, who may or may not be gay, and in my dreams has had sex with Michele Bachmann’s husband, all the while hating the Pope.

If that’s not good enough reason to vote No on Issue 2, I don’t know what is. Thank You.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
www.twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

The Art of Low Expecations

Hola Bitches! One of the few things in my life that I have actually committed myself to is making sure that I keep expectations of me and others low. I do this because I hate letting people down. Also, I like to keep my life as simple as possible.

There’s actually an art to this. I want to keep expectations low, but I don’t want people to think I’m a total fuck up or anything. A loser is okay. But, being a fuck up is unacceptable. So, there’s a line I have to be careful not to cross.

I started my life of Low Expectations in college. I always liked to miss the first week of each semester. Then I would come strolling in on week two and tell the instructor I had planned on dropping the class but “it didn’t work out.” There wasn’t much they could do about it other than be pissed. But, it did set the tone for the rest of the semester.

When I meet someone for the first time, the first thing they will notice is my “Modern Homeless” fashion style. This is a very strategic move on my part. You’re not shocked by a guy wearing an old, cheap t-shirt and jeans having a lack of social skills. And, I make sure it isn’t too long before I say something inappropriate or offensive. The longer I wait the worse it will be, so sometimes I just get it out of the way immediately.

This plan works when I meet someone online too. An example would be if I’m playing Words With Friends against a chick and she plays a word I can make a sexual joke about. Say she plays the word “oven.” I might message her and say “Oh yeah! I’d like to preheat your oven babe.” Sure, that makes no sense, but that’s part of why it works.

Another example would be right after adding a much younger woman as a friend on Facebook, I might go and “Like” each and every one of her pics of herself on there. I always make sure to do it at around 3 am on a weekend night/morning. This cranks up the creepy factor. Of course, sometimes I run into babes who just refuse to be creeped out no matter what I do. Eventually, I give up and start acting like a normal person when that happens.

A great benefit of this is people rarely ask me for advice, and when they do, they do it only once. I’m careful not to give advice that will result in someone getting emotionally or physically hurt, but I make sure people realize asking me was a bad idea. They usually respond to me by saying “Uh, yeah. Okay, thanks. I’ll think about it and try to figure what I want to do.” When they give me that line, I know it’s no longer my problem and not to worry about it.

And of course, this system works beautifully for most employment situations. It’s important to get off to a good start at a new job, but you don’t want it to be TOO good of a start. If you’re working at a manufacturing job, check out what the quota is and hover around it each day. Never exceed it by a lot. Make sure your average is slightly above, but don’t get them to thinking you can do a lot more. You’ll pay for that dearly. Hell, asking your new boss “What’s the minimum I can do and still get buy?” isn’t really a bad idea. Much like missing the first two weeks of class, it lets the person in charge know where both of you stand.

In addition to keeping other’s expectations of me low, I like to keep my expectations of other people and life in general low. If I have something big planned, I fully expect something to come up and ruin it. I’m genuinely surprised each morning when my car starts because I’ve convinced myself it is about to crap out at any moment. Each day that doesn’t happen, is a happy day. And when I check to see who has unfollowed me on various social networking sites and just as with the car, I’m shocked when no one has.

Again, this works with pretty much anything. If you read my tweets during Arkansas football games, you would think the Hogs were winless on the season instead of being 7-1 and ranked #8 in the BCS. It’s just the best way I’ve found to get through life. Keep expectations low and I’ll never disappoint anyone, or be disappointed by anyone. It works for me.

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/jayman_iws