Just Showing Up

Hola y’all! Comedic genius and loving stepfather Woody Allen once said “Eighty percent of success is just showing up.” I don’t know if he stole that line from someone else, simply made it up or read a legit study that got that number scientifically, but I tend to agree with it. So, when I saw this story about Maine Senator Susan Collins having never missed a single vote in the senate in her entire career I was impressed.

Since being sworn in back in January of 1997, Sen Collins has never missed a day of work. Sometime soon she will cast her 5,000th consecutive vote. Wow!

When I heard about Collins’ record, the first thing I wondered was if she has been getting a cool “Perfect Attendance” certificates and maybe a gift card to Walmart or something? I know that’s what corporate America loves to do. Man, companies just love people with perfect attendance. I know because I did the perfect attendance thing several times. I never received more praise for anything I ever did than I did for just freaking showing up every single day.

Hell, I’m not sure they cared what I did when I was there, they just wanted me there. It was like it just made them feel better to have me around. I guess it was my positive attitude and cheery disposition that they were addicted to. If I wasn’t there, the mood was probably dark and depressed.

There’s also a certain amount of scorn for having perfect attendance though. A lot of people were obviously jealous of my certificate (not framed) and Walmart gift card so they made fun of me for “not having a life.” I feel bad for such sad people, trying to drag me down to their level. Luckily though, another bonus to having perfect attendance was that we got our pictures taken with our certificate and gift card and those pics were put on the “Wall of Perfection” From that wall we could look down upon the lesser folks who can’t even be bothered to just show up every day.

Of course, for some people perfect attendance isn’t enough. I remember one supervisor I had who was giving me my 6 month review once who was pretty notorious for noting giving high scores. The review was pretty straight forward with several lines like “Works well with others” or “Keeps work area organized and clean” or whatever. On each of these he had to rate us from 1 (fire this moron immediately) to 10 (greatest employee ever). Anyway, despite my perfect attendance he gave me 9/10 in that category.

I didn’t really care that much because overall my review was very good, but I couldn’t resist asking him about that. He said “Well, you’re attendance has been really good” and I was like “Yeah, as in been here every single day.” He looked at his attendance charts and said “Hey, that’s really great, but I don’t give 10’s for anything.”

Anyway, the only thing Susan Collins gets for her perfect attendance is a pat on the back. That hardly seems fair. Well, she does get $174,000/year with an automatic COLA increase each year, some great health insurance benefits, lots of free trips all over the world either as part of an “official” government group (and lots of great getaways paid for by lobbyists) and that sweet pension. So, I guess it works out okay.

Anyway, my point is … Well, I don’t really have a point. But, I did show up today, just like Susan Collins. And, as Woody points out, showing up is what really matters.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

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Speaking of showing up, former Food Network exec Carrie Welch showed up on IWS on Sunday and was freaking great! The show is getting great traffic and we’re getting lots of great feedback too. Thanks to everyone who listened. We really appreciate it.

If you haven’t listened, check it out. You need to know what Bobby Flay and Rachael Ray are like behind the scenes. You also need to know who Carrie had to institute a “No Fighting” rule for and you ESPECIALLY need to know what food Carrie refuses to eat cause you’ll never guess.

And then you need to hear about Feast Portland, Little Green Pickle and the Portland food scene. Yes, you do too!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Matt Said, Jay Said XLV

Matt _  ._ ._.. _._ … Jay _  ._ ._.. _._ …  You, ._.. .. … _ . _.

Matt:  Hello?
Jay:  Yo Dawg?
Matt:  Did you just say, “Yo dawg?”
Jay:  Yeah, I’m trying to be more hip and down with urban sub-cultures.
Matt:  Well, stop it.
Jay:  Word.

Matt:  Big show this Sunday, so maybe we should take notes during this call.
Jay:  I always take notes during our Thursday call.
Matt:  What are you saying?
Jay:  That you don’t.
Matt:  And you would be correct.  I’ll have Schmoop take my notes.
Jay:  Good idea, wouldn’t want you to have to strain yourself.
Matt:  I don’t multi-task well…My idea of multi-tasking is taking a crap and reading the comics at the same time.

Jay:  So…the lovely and talented Carrie Welch, formerly of the Food Network will be on our show Sunday at Noon ET, how do we approach this?
Matt:  We have to grow up and be mature.
Jay:  And quickly
Matt:  We are professionals.  We can do this.
Jay:  Well, I know I can.
Matt:  What are you saying?
Jay:  That perhaps you probably need to work at it.
Matt:  And you would be correct.  I’ll have Schmoop school me in this area.
Jay:  Good idea.

Matt:  Carrie is going to be a great guest…all talented and funny and what not.
Jay:  I know; she’ll add to our show what it has sorely been lacking.
Matt: What are you saying?
Jay:  That sometimes our show isn’t all that funny.
Matt:  I know, and I blame that on the audience.
Jay:  Uh-huh.

Matt:  Anyhoo…We will dish it with the lovely Ms, Welch Sunday at Noon ET, and get the dirt on the chefs of the Food Network, and talk about her amazing journey that she is now upon..
Jay:  It’s gonna be huge!!
Matt:  It’s gonna be Yum-O!!
Jay:  It’s gonna go, BAM!!

Matt:  BAM?  What are you saying?
Jay:  That I’ll do fine with Carrie and you’ll fall on your face.
Matt:  And you would be correct.  Damn it; I knew it.  Really?
Jay:  Nooooooo, it was a reference to Emeril Lagasse, ya goof.
Matt:  Oh….Who’s that?
Jay:  Oh boy!!
Matt:  I think we’re good to go.
Jay:  Damn right.

So catch Jayman and Matt-Man live with Carrie Welch at Noon ET Sunday July 8th on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio, the three of them will be dishin’ a smorgasbord of fun.

Carrie Welch...The Little Green Pickle That Could

Cheers food lovers!!

Guess what is happening this Sunday July 8th live at Noon ET on the I’m With Stupid Radio Show?

Jayman and I will be chatting with the lovely, talented, and Yum-O Carrie Welch for the entire IWS Radio show which airs beginning at High Noon ET on Blog Talk Radio.

Oh sure, you may not know Carrie Welch off hand, or directly, but let me tell ya…

Carrie worked for the Food Network for ten years, and ultimately became VP of Public Relations (and other duties as assigned), and wound up putting together shows based around renown chefs such as…

Rachel Ray, Bobby Flay, Alton Brown, Paula Deen, Ina Garten, and of course the Ace of Cakes hizzelf, Duff Goldman.

If you love food, the Food Network, and culinary celebs, you’ll love this show.

In 2010, Carrie made like a walking taco and on a paper plate smelling of an illiterate American’s interpretation of what Mexican food should be and taste like, adios-ed the Food Network, and along with some pretty sexy help (judging by the profile pictures of the team on her website), began her own company, Little Green Pickle.

At the Portland-based Little Green Pickle, Carrie continues to help chefs, restaurants, and community organizations be all that they can be through her experience in television, public relations, and social media.

Carrie also has a large and loving hand in working with Feast Portland, a festival that takes place September 20-23, which benefits the organizations, Partners for a Hunger Free Oregon, and Share Our Strength.

Carrie Welch has accomplished a lot and will certainly accomplish much more as she is only at the tender age of…?

Well we don’t know…and it doesn’t matter, because we know judging by her picture she is a helluva lot younger than either Jayman or I, and sadly, has accomplished much more than both of us combined in her young life.

In fact, maybe Jayman and I, after doing our show with Carrie Welch will do a show about our faults, misgivings, and failures.  It would be a perfect lead in.  Good God, I am always thinking.  But I digress…

Anyway, Ms. Welch has done and continues to do many wonderful things in her life involving the food and culinary industry, and on top of that?

Simply through a few emails with her, and a comment on the IWS website from her, we know that she is full of BAM, Awesome Sauce, and Yum-O.  So…

This Sunday, tell everyone whom you know to be a fooodie or just enjoy happy people, that Carrie Welch will be on IWS live at Noon ET on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio.

Always happy hosts, and what appears to be an uber-happy and knowledgeable guest, is a recipe for a great show.

In the meantime…

Jayman and I had one helluva Independence Day Celebration on IWS Radio yesterday…Smack me on the ass and call me Paul Revere’s horse.  We rocked Independence Hall yesterday.  And if you missed it, you can catch it all in archives right here:

Cheers!!
Matt-Man 
neshobadude@yahoo.com 
@mattmaniws

IWS...Hatin' the Haters...and Lookin' for Some Facebook Love of Our Own.

Hiya Chuckleheads!!

Matt-Man here, and yes, I know, we usually do MSJS on Saturdays, but I have a few housekeeping items I would like to cover in regards to the IWS website and radio show.

First of all, Jayman and I would like to thank Carrie Welch, the former VP of Public Relations of The Television Food Network for commenting on Thursday’s post, a post which included a quasi-real, albeit not exactly true replication of what she most definitely did not actually say to Jayman in reference to his Wednesday post about how The Food Network these days, pretty much sucks.

Ms. Welch actually finds us funny and intimated in her comment that she would like to be a guest on our show sometime, which we would truly enjoy.

Let’s just hope that the lovely and fun-loving Ms. Welch’s remark is more truthful than the letter I wrote in her name.  But seriously, it was very nice of her, and we will beg her to be on work on scheduling her for a show in the very near future.

Secondly…

Did you know that IWS Radio has a Facebook Page?  No, we really do, it’s true!!  And…

156 of you adorable heathens know that, however…

Many of you have not “liked” our IWS Facebook Page.  In a word?  That’s just not right.

I mean c’mon…Everyday, either on the website and/or the radio twice a week, we provide you with quality entertainment at a fair price, and what do we get in return?

A mere 156 likes on our FB page and a whole lotta heartache.  It pains me to tell you that being the manly men that Jayman and I are, we sometimes cry over that fact, but….we do.

We’re only human, folks…and we yearn for your love, or in this case…your “like.”

Hell tell your friends to “like” us; you don’t even have to yourself, if you get them to do it for you.  Hell, we’re not picky.

Merely click on the IWS RADIO FACEBOOK PAGE and like us.  Yes, it’s that easy.

If the lovely Carrie Welch can take the time to comment on our website and offer to be on our radio show, you can take the time to like us two moronic, yet affable fellas on our Facebook page…..

Please?

And while we will work to schedule the lovely Ms. Welch for a soonly future show, this Sunday on IWS Radio live at Noon ET, Jayman and I will be scouring away all the hate from life and social media.

Man…cat fights, loud neighbors, bluntness beyond on belief…It was a hate-filled week, and we will be calling the haters out and try to bring peace and serenity to the world.

To catch us live Sunday at Noon ET…Click HERE for the Haters Gonna Hate II show on IWS on Blog Talk Radio.

Until then, this is the always loving, and not-a-hate-filled bone-in-my-body, Matt-Man bidding you…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

The Food Network...A Rebuttal by Carrie Welch

Dear Mr. Jason Adams,

It has come to my attention via the slow roasted goodness of the internet that you may or may not be happy with our buffet of more than flavorful shows.

I received a tasty e-mail yesterday which provided my palette with a link to your deliciously funny and obviously tongue-in-sushi on the cheek take on the Food Network, delightfully titled, The Food Network Sucks.

Oh sure you call us pretentious where food is concerned but we always have an appetite for a laugh or two as when Alton Brown referred to a Cornish game hen as a, “chicken who obviously smoked at a young age…”

Ha!!  So funny.  Oh that Alton!!

Alton can bull’s-eye a punchline just as adroitly as he can stuff a bird with a mixture of winter wheat, sorghum sugar, and his very own, Alton Sauce de la Ego which you can purchase online for $19.95 per dram. He is that good.

I could tell through the less-than-seasoned layers of your post, that you harbor some ill-will toward us.

Perhaps it’s because you are an amateur cook, and don’t recognize that we are trying to not only inform less than professional cooks as to how to make a good meal, but want to help you to realize that what the Food Network recognizes as good food, is what you should be eating.

And the recipes of what you should be eating are not only available on our daily 24/7cable shows, but available on CD-ROM and book form at our Food Network site, which you can access by clicking, The Food Network.

We can always quibble as to the likeability of Guy Fieri…the hotness of Giada de Laurentiis, or the annoyance level of one fat ass, Rachel Ray.

What is not open for debate is the culinary pleasure, the palatability of our shows, and the amount of quality entertainment at a fair price that we to offer you, the cable TV consumer.

Jason, we respect your comments and will indeed set up focus groups in order to determine the level of agreement of your remarks amongst our general viewers, and determine the efficacy of your rantings may or may not have amongst our primary 30-50 year old, upscale demographic, but we will do it mainly because…

To make sure you are not batshit crazy, giving us the business, and because we here at the Food Network figure that 30 Minute Meals are what people like…Triple D with Guy is a guilty pleasure if only for the food, and Giada’s tits are not only watchable, but in keeping with our network theme, edible as well, and we think we have a successful formula, yet always looking to improve as well….we will take a second look at your concerns.

We appreciate you taking the time to address our programming scheduling and will be in touch with your law firm you soon.

Sincerely,
Carrie Welch
VP of Public Relations of the Television Food Network

*****************************************************

Nice to get Carrie’s letter and also…

Yesterday Jayman and Matt-Man made people smile and brightened the internet airwaves as they had another stellar IWS Radio Show on Blog Talk Radio.  If you missed them making fun of Mitt Romney and Adam Corolla, you can catch it all right here:

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com

The Food Network Sucks

Hola foodies and cooks! Hey! Let me ask you guys a question. Is it just me, or does Food Network fucking suck? I swear FN used to be so damn cool, but now? I can barely stand to watch any of it. Yes, even Giada de Laurentiis. Hell, especially Giada. Like I fucking care about her precious over-privileged spoiled little snowflake’s love of chocolate and Russian caviar. Big fucking deal.

I really never thought I would come to this point in my life where I hated Food Network so much. Oh sure, I probably should have known it would happen. Especially after the way HGTV has disappointed me over the last few years. I know nothing ever stays the same, but why change it to something so shitty?

Just as HGTV went away from lots of great home improvement and gardening shows to stupid high end home updates and non-stop real estate glorification crap, Food Network has gone from instructional cooking shows with smart, talented hosts to preparing fancy, expensive meals with fabulous celebrity chefs and their super rich friends. And if they aren’t doing that on FN, they’re celebrating eating 17 lb hamburgers or hanging out with the regular folk at some dive with the biggest fucking douchebag in the world Guy Fieri.

Remember the good old days? You know, back when you could turn on and Sara Moulton would be making a good, affordable meal and actually showing and telling you how it was made? Or Mario would be explaining how to make good Italian food? Or Emeril would be reminding you that there’s no reason to be afraid of cooking and that it isn’t rocket science? Now, all of their hosts are pretending that cooking is almost as difficult as brain surgery and treating chefs as if they actually were brain surgeons.

AND THE SALT! Oh sweet Jesus the salt! Every single show I watch, I find myself screaming at the TV to back off the salt. Hosts like CHEF Anne Burrell will say things like “we have to salt each step in the process.” Well, maybe so, but you don’t have drain the Great Salt Lake to get enough salt to do it with.

How ‘bout ruining a good steak? They can all do it. Take a really great piece of meat and smother it with blue cheese so you won’t be able to taste the meat anymore. What’s the point of that? Why do they always insist on covering up the taste of the food they’re preparing? Same goes for pasta. We all love cheese, but why pile up the asiago or parmesan so high? The asiago is spicy and parmesan is salty! And worst of all, you don’t ALWAYS have to substitute ground turkey for ground beef.

Hell, they can’t even spare the desserts. They just have to add things like Cayenne Pepper to chocolate. Give it a fucking rest! Everything doesn’t have to be gourmet.  Everything doesn’t have to be full of spices and herbs. Sometimes it’s best to just let the food speak for itself.

And a couple of other things that really bug me too. When you grab a spoon and stir the sauces and then taste it, don’t STICK THE GODDAMN SPOON BACK INTO THE SAUCE! You might as well just stick your finger in it you disgusting freak. And, if you don’t mind, when you’re handling poultry and seafood, doing things like cutting it up, fileting or maybe removing that digestive tract from shrimp, wear some food safe gloves. It grosses me out.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 

Matt Said, Jay Said XIV

Matt talks a lot. Jay talks a lot. You guys can’t get enough.

Matt: “WONG NUMBA! YOU GOT WONG NUMBA!”
Jay: “May I speak to the man of the house.”
Matt: “YOU WAIT ONE MINUTE I GET CWAZY GUY!”
Matt: “Matt-Man here, how may I be of service?”
Jay: “I got your service right here buddy.”
Matt: “You Sick Fuck.”
Jay: “Hey, I’m not the one with the Korean Houseboy.”
Matt: “I found him on Craigslist!”

Jay: “I’m loving those PolitiChicks.”
Matt: “They are quite entertaining.”
Jay: “And they’ve inspired me.”
Matt: “I’m afraid to ask.”
Jay: “You, Me, 2 other dudes doing a political webtv show.”
Matt: “Yeah?”
Jay: “POLITIDICKS!”
Matt: “Oh dear God.”
Jay: “It’s brilliant, isn’t it?”
Matt: “Yes, and we’ll RISE to great levels.”
Jay: “And SPEW out beliefs all over the internet’s face.”
Matt: “And … EWWW! .. And, we’ll hit the issues HARD!”
Jay: “And never go SOFT on anyone. Not even Victoria Jackson.”

Matt: "Let's not get carried away."

Jay: "You'd amend her constitution and you know it."
Matt: “Jesus. That’s sick. I don’t want to play anymore.”

Jay: “So, Thanksgiving Preview on Saturday’s show?”
Matt: “Well that would make sense.”
Jay: “We could talk about what we’re making and give some ideas.”
Matt: “We are dining and entertaining experts.”
Jay: “Martha Stewart, Ina Garten, Giada de Laurentiis, Sandra Lee? They got nothing on us.”
Matt: “What are you talking about?”
Jay: “We're the male version of those hotties.”
Matt: “Anyway, we’ll talk turkey.”
Jay: “And stuffing.”
Matt: “Mashed potatoes.”
Jay: “Asparagus and Pea Casserole.”
Matt: “I do a green bean casserole. Never tried the A&P.”
Jay: “It’s delicious, but so is the green bean. How ‘bout yams?”
Matt: “I like yams…”
Jay: “Gross.”
Matt: “But Schmoop doesn’t.”
Jay: “Schmoop has great taste.”
Matt: “Most of the time.”
Jay: “So, Thanksgiving Preview it is!”
Matt: “It will be HUGE!”

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In other news, on Wednesday Matt-Man and I rambled and meandered around the big issues of the day like a lazy river winding its way to the ocean. We talked about the NFL, I ranted about Sabermetrics, we talked Herman Cain and well, just all kinds of other stuff. So check it out and be entertained the way you like it.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Giada vs Ina: A Bitter Rivalry

Giada de Laurentiis or Ina Garten? Who do you prefer? You can't say “both.” You gotta choose. For the longest time I, like you, thought you could answer “both” to that question. But I don't think you can anymore. I think you have to choose. And, I think I'm the only person who recognizes the bitter, vicious and hate-filled rivalry that exists between two of Food Network's brightest stars.

Let's break this down, shall we?

Giada and Ina both...

Live a pretty lavish lifestyle in beautiful homes in exclusive beach side areas.

Are highly skilled chefs who are quite creative in the kitchen.

Have created extremely successful brands out of their Food Network shows.

Live seemingly idyllic lives with family and friends all around.

Love to entertain.

Regularly use very fancy ingredients in elaborate meals.

Are great at teaching people how to cook.

But, if you look a little closer, I think you see that they are actually trying to top each other.

Ina's husband Jeffery is a professor at Yale.

Giada's husband Todd started his own business.

Ina drives around The Hamptons in her BMW.

Giada drives around the posh areas of Santa Barbara and Malibu in her convertible Audi.

Ina always has her famous snooty white friends coming over for a cookout or to play cards.

Giada has her fabulous and beautiful snooty white friends over for cookouts or to do yoga by the pool.

Ina hosts big parties for New York's high society types.

Giada hosts big parties for Hollywood celebrities.

Ina has lots of gay and lesbian friends.

Giada's husband Todd owns and designs a clothing line.

Ina hosts a cookout at the beach.

Giada hosts a cookout at the beach, BUT her friends are younger and better looking so they play beach volleyball first.

Ina and Jeffery go to Paris.

Giada and Todd go to Rome.

But, where Giada is obviously really trying to show Ina up is in the episodes where they go the beach. When Ina Garten goes to the beach, she dresses like this...

When Giada de Laurentiis goes to the beach, she dresses like this...

Don't think any of this is a coincidence either. It's pretty obvious that Giada and Ina hate each others guts and are trying to top each other at every turn. You know, it wasn't too long after Giada was shown paddle boarding in her tight top and bikini bottoms that Ina made the comment on her show that Italian cooking “isn't really cooking.” I don't know WHY I'm the only one who can see this.

Jayman

jayman3768@gmail.com

www.twitter.com/jayman_iws