Matt Said, Jay Said XLVII

Matt talksecundum…Jay talksecundum…You, listencadabra.

Matt:  Howdy Mr. Man.

Jay:  What’s going on?
Matt:  Schmoop just got done watching the finale of Charmed.  She had never seen the end the first go ‘round.
Jay:  Charmed, eh?  I’d like to charm Alyssa Milano, mmmmmmm.
Matt:  I’m more of a Holly Marie-Combs kinda guy.
Jay:  Pussy.

Matt:  So…Oh shit…The funniest thing just happened.
Jay:  What?  Mitt Romney actually took an unwavering position on something?
Matt:  Ha. No.  Because Schmoop was watching Chramed, I went across the street to take pictures of the weeds growing at the abandoned hospital.
Jay:  Ha!!  That is wacky!!  Zzzzzzzzzzzz.
Matt:  Shuddup…There’s this red-headed, Glock carrying Security chick standing guard, and she told me to quit taking pictures.
Jay:  Was she hot?
Matt:  No, she’s like 58, smokes Lucky Strikes, and may or may not have been born in Bulgaria.

Jay:  Nope…that’s not hot.
Matt:  Anyhoo, she said, “I don’t like you taking pictures.  Taking pictures could get you shot.”
Jay:  Ha…No shit, really?
Matt:  Ha…Yes!!
Jay:  We should have her on the show.
Matt:  IKR?  But anyway after a brief exchange and a few more pictures, I said to her, “Go to Hell, asshole.”
Jay:  Incredible, and this all happened because you didn’t want to watch Charmed with Schmoop?
Matt:  Yep…Serendipity Jayman…serendipity.

Jay:  You need to write about this for Monday’s post.
Matt:  Oh I will, and because of the power of IWS, those weeds will be gotten rid of.
Jay:  We do nothing but good.
Matt:  Damn straight.
Jay:  Aight…I guess I’ll talk to you later on Twitter.
Matt:  Dam right you will…Have a good one Jayman.
Jay:  You too…bye.

(moments later the phone rings)

Matt:  Yo Dawg!!

Jay:  We forgot to talk about what we are going to talk about on Sunday’s show.
Matt:  Oh shit…we did, didn’t we?
Jay:  How about we do a weather show and talk about the weather; we always talk about it when we open any show anyway.
Matt:  Good idea.
Jay:  I think we are ready.
Matt:  I believe you are right.
Jay and Matt:  The Weather Show This Sunday!!
Jay:  Later.
Matt: Later.

So there you have it this Sunday on IWS Jayman and I will be talking weather as only we can, which means of course, we will make it dirty.

You can join us live Sunday at Noon ET on Blog Talk Radio, for the IWS Is It Hot Enough for Ya radio installment by clicking HERE.

Cheers!!

The IWS Babe of the Week: Anne Hathaway

A new Batman movie, the Dark Knight Rises is coming out this Friday, and as I am Batman-like I was pleased to hear that, and even more happy to hear that Catwoman would be in it.

But then I saw that Selena Kyle/Catwoman would be played by Anne Hathaway...

I'm thinking Anne Hathaway?  Does she look good in film noir?  Evidently, she does...

And she looks good in film cleeeeeee-vaaaaaaaage.....

And, surprisingly enough, Anne Hathaway looks pretty hot as Selena Kyle/Catwoman....

I dig her cleavage, but what I dig most about her is that she always seems happy and has a killer smile.  MEOW!!

Join the boys today, as they talk hangovers on IWS Radio LIVE at Noon ET...The claws or something will be out...by clicking HERE.

Matt Said, Jay Said XLV

Matt _  ._ ._.. _._ … Jay _  ._ ._.. _._ …  You, ._.. .. … _ . _.

Matt:  Hello?
Jay:  Yo Dawg?
Matt:  Did you just say, “Yo dawg?”
Jay:  Yeah, I’m trying to be more hip and down with urban sub-cultures.
Matt:  Well, stop it.
Jay:  Word.

Matt:  Big show this Sunday, so maybe we should take notes during this call.
Jay:  I always take notes during our Thursday call.
Matt:  What are you saying?
Jay:  That you don’t.
Matt:  And you would be correct.  I’ll have Schmoop take my notes.
Jay:  Good idea, wouldn’t want you to have to strain yourself.
Matt:  I don’t multi-task well…My idea of multi-tasking is taking a crap and reading the comics at the same time.

Jay:  So…the lovely and talented Carrie Welch, formerly of the Food Network will be on our show Sunday at Noon ET, how do we approach this?
Matt:  We have to grow up and be mature.
Jay:  And quickly
Matt:  We are professionals.  We can do this.
Jay:  Well, I know I can.
Matt:  What are you saying?
Jay:  That perhaps you probably need to work at it.
Matt:  And you would be correct.  I’ll have Schmoop school me in this area.
Jay:  Good idea.

Matt:  Carrie is going to be a great guest…all talented and funny and what not.
Jay:  I know; she’ll add to our show what it has sorely been lacking.
Matt: What are you saying?
Jay:  That sometimes our show isn’t all that funny.
Matt:  I know, and I blame that on the audience.
Jay:  Uh-huh.

Matt:  Anyhoo…We will dish it with the lovely Ms, Welch Sunday at Noon ET, and get the dirt on the chefs of the Food Network, and talk about her amazing journey that she is now upon..
Jay:  It’s gonna be huge!!
Matt:  It’s gonna be Yum-O!!
Jay:  It’s gonna go, BAM!!

Matt:  BAM?  What are you saying?
Jay:  That I’ll do fine with Carrie and you’ll fall on your face.
Matt:  And you would be correct.  Damn it; I knew it.  Really?
Jay:  Nooooooo, it was a reference to Emeril Lagasse, ya goof.
Matt:  Oh….Who’s that?
Jay:  Oh boy!!
Matt:  I think we’re good to go.
Jay:  Damn right.

So catch Jayman and Matt-Man live with Carrie Welch at Noon ET Sunday July 8th on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio, the three of them will be dishin’ a smorgasbord of fun.

Carrie Welch...The Little Green Pickle That Could

Cheers food lovers!!

Guess what is happening this Sunday July 8th live at Noon ET on the I’m With Stupid Radio Show?

Jayman and I will be chatting with the lovely, talented, and Yum-O Carrie Welch for the entire IWS Radio show which airs beginning at High Noon ET on Blog Talk Radio.

Oh sure, you may not know Carrie Welch off hand, or directly, but let me tell ya…

Carrie worked for the Food Network for ten years, and ultimately became VP of Public Relations (and other duties as assigned), and wound up putting together shows based around renown chefs such as…

Rachel Ray, Bobby Flay, Alton Brown, Paula Deen, Ina Garten, and of course the Ace of Cakes hizzelf, Duff Goldman.

If you love food, the Food Network, and culinary celebs, you’ll love this show.

In 2010, Carrie made like a walking taco and on a paper plate smelling of an illiterate American’s interpretation of what Mexican food should be and taste like, adios-ed the Food Network, and along with some pretty sexy help (judging by the profile pictures of the team on her website), began her own company, Little Green Pickle.

At the Portland-based Little Green Pickle, Carrie continues to help chefs, restaurants, and community organizations be all that they can be through her experience in television, public relations, and social media.

Carrie also has a large and loving hand in working with Feast Portland, a festival that takes place September 20-23, which benefits the organizations, Partners for a Hunger Free Oregon, and Share Our Strength.

Carrie Welch has accomplished a lot and will certainly accomplish much more as she is only at the tender age of…?

Well we don’t know…and it doesn’t matter, because we know judging by her picture she is a helluva lot younger than either Jayman or I, and sadly, has accomplished much more than both of us combined in her young life.

In fact, maybe Jayman and I, after doing our show with Carrie Welch will do a show about our faults, misgivings, and failures.  It would be a perfect lead in.  Good God, I am always thinking.  But I digress…

Anyway, Ms. Welch has done and continues to do many wonderful things in her life involving the food and culinary industry, and on top of that?

Simply through a few emails with her, and a comment on the IWS website from her, we know that she is full of BAM, Awesome Sauce, and Yum-O.  So…

This Sunday, tell everyone whom you know to be a fooodie or just enjoy happy people, that Carrie Welch will be on IWS live at Noon ET on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio.

Always happy hosts, and what appears to be an uber-happy and knowledgeable guest, is a recipe for a great show.

In the meantime…

Jayman and I had one helluva Independence Day Celebration on IWS Radio yesterday…Smack me on the ass and call me Paul Revere’s horse.  We rocked Independence Hall yesterday.  And if you missed it, you can catch it all in archives right here:

Cheers!!
Matt-Man 
neshobadude@yahoo.com 
@mattmaniws

IWS Babe of the Week...Shera Bechard, Genius!!

Cheers and Happy Canada Day to all of you above the 45th Parallel dwellers, you.

It gets gets cold and boring in Canada, so it's a good thing that you have one, Shera Bechard who is a former girlfriend of one bawdy displayer of women, Hugh Hefner, with whom to keep warm...

She certainly makes wood floors look good, and I am certain that she is probably lying on Canadian Maple...

Shera has recently been awarded a "genius VISA" from the U.S. State Department , which allows her to remain in our country...I like that... because, I am certain that is she is one sexy, smart babe...

And to prove it...She asked us to crop this picture, because man, oh man...this picture shows more than we are showing you...

So there you go...Hugh Hefner's former Canadian girlfriend, Shera Bechard  doing God's work for IWS...We appreciate it.

Annnnd, in honor of Canadians and because today is Canada Day, Jayman and Matt-Man will be talking about how wonderful our Canadian breathren and sisteren are on IWS Radio today, live at Noon ET on Blog Talk Radio.

They will share interesting facts about Canada.  Talk about who they feel are the hottest Canadians, and well, just show some South of their Border Love to them.

To join them live at Noon ET, click HERE, and of course, you can always call in live at 661.244.9852.

Cheers, and Oh Canada!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

Heat Wave 2012...Summer Safety Tips

Cheers Chuckleheads!!

As a widespread and profound heat wave is already gripping parts of the nation and about to exert its fiery grip on the Greater Bagwine, Ohio metroplex, I thought this would be a good time to provide a public service on behalf of IWS in the form of a few heat wave/summer fun safety tips.

Folks here in Bagwine freak out in the winter when an inch of snow is predicted, and some of us with a modicum of common sense refer to that type of thing as, “The White Death.”  So…

So since it’s summer and we are getting nothing but 24/7 local news coverage of the impending “dangerous” summer conditions, we shall refer to this summer sun induced panic as, “The Yellow Death.”

No, wait…That sounds more like an impending invasion by the Chinese and as we all know, America has nothing to fear from the Chinese, other than our own borrowing habits.  Let’s see…

We will call this heat wave, “The Orange Death.”  Yeah, I like that…or better yet…

Let’s make it sound all sexy, translate it into French, and call it, “La Mort d’Orange.”

Okay, now that sounds serious and yet artfully headline grabbing.  So to wit, and heretofore, I shall now offer some very good suggestions as to how to beat the near 100 degree heat over the next few days.

Fewer Clothes…
When the mercury is bursting through the top of a thermometer like a less than experienced teen boy’s Johnson at the site of a picture of Megan Fox naked, the clothes have to come off.  “Experts” will tell you to dress lightly in light-colored apparel.  Screw that stupid advice.

When the mercury is kissing the 100 degree mark, it’s time to shed your clothes completely.  Be advised however…For the health and well-being of others and in spite of your lack of dignity and self-respect, if you look like me, stay indoors with the blinds shut while walking around naked.  That’s both cool for you, and for others.

Stay Hydrated…
Your local TV newshounds always tell ya…“Stay hydrated by drinking plenty of water, Gatorade type stuff, but alcohol, is a no-no.”

Pfffffft.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  What is the number one go to item when battling summer’s inferno?  Damn right, an ice cold beer.  A cold beer will extinguish Mother Nature’s blast furnace quicker than anything else.  And…

If after ten or twelve beers you are still hot, simply drop the top on the convertible and take a speedy drive down a curvy country lane.  Paradise.

Tip Your Drive-Thru Attendants Well…
These Angels of Mercy who man the Drive-Thrus of Ohio will be smiling and sweating while attending to your thirsty needs.  The summer heat can take its toll on these lifters of the 30 packs, so even when only spending a couple of bucks on a pop, show your appreciation and leave a sizable tip of between 3-5 dollars when patronizing their establishments.

That may seem extreme, but just as the gratuity gets bigger at a restaurant when the party is larger, tips at a Drive-Thru should rise with the temperature and the Dew Point.

Take Care of Your Pets…
Our pets are some of the closest member of our families, so make certain that they have access to A/C or a fan, and have a comfortable place in which to rest. If you are away, make sure somebody can feed them, provide them with a good meal, and keep Fido and/or Toonces company.

Take Care of the Elderly…
Even the elderly close to us are sometimes an afterthought, however, during this extreme heat we need to keep them nearly foremost in our thoughts.

Sometimes due to fleas, mange, or just plain crabbiness, the elderly can wander off, so keep them on a short leash preferably tied to a shade tree or at least in a place around the yard the gets no direct sunlight between 2 and 4.  A bowl of fresh water would be a nice touch as well.  Although they can see the Lighthouse of Heaven blinking upon the horizon of life, the elderly still get thirsty just like you and I.

And there you have it folks…A few good heat wave tips that the losers on your local TV networks won’t mention.

This is the Matt-Man preparing for the impending heat wave as I get ready for today’s IWS Radio Show which airs LIVE today at 11 AM ET.  And, you can catch it LIVE by clicking HERE.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

P.S.  Make sure you ask everyone, "Hot enough for ya?"  People enjoy knowing that you are concerned about their well-being.

Matt Said, Jay Said XLII

Matt konuşuyor ... Jay konuşur, sen dinle.

Matt:  Helllllooooooo?
Jay:  What’s up hot shot?
Matt:  Hold on, I have to pee...talk to Schmoop for a second.
Jay:  Oh God…Hi Schmoop
Schmoop:  I have the funniest joke about babies and ham.
Jay:  Let’s hear it, babe.
Schmoop:  Babies look like ham…Hee
Jay:  Okayyy?
Schmoop:  I HATE ham.  HA!!
Jay:  Is that it?
Schmoop:  Yep!!
Jay:  Ummmm...Matt done peein’ yet?
Schmoop:  Herrrrrrre yaaaaaaa go.

Matt:  Jayman?  Don’t ever talk to Schmoop on a Thursday night when she is off on Friday.
Jay:  But you told me to.
Matt  Well, there’s a life-lesson for you…never listen to me.
Jay:  Duly noted.  In fact…I knew that, but evidently misplaced that part of my brain.

Matt:  Anyhoo…Good show Wednesday.  Did the uber-hot Warrior Kat have fun?
Jay:  Oh yeah, I think so.
Matt:  She’s hot.
Jay:  Back off Mister. I found her first.
Matt:  Easy fella.  Just sayin’.
Jay:  More often than not, your “just sayin” shit leads to problems.
Matt:  Duly noted.  In fact…I knew that, but evidently misplaced that part of my brain.

Matt and Jay:  Déjà Vu?

Jay:  So what should we do on the show this Sunday?
Matt:  Hey dig this…How ‘bout we do Joke Show II?
Jay:  Didn’t we just do one recently?
Matt:  That’s what I thought, but we did the Joke Show clear back in July of 2011.
Jay:  Holy shit…it doesn’t seem that long ago.
Matt:  IKR?

Jay:  Wow.  That’s cool; I’m sure we and other people have new jokes to tell.
Matt:  Yep, and we could talk about comedic timing…
Jay:  The art and science of a well told joke…
Matt:  How brevity is the soul of a good joke…
Jay:  How Drive-By Mikey and your son have never realized that fact.
Matt:  Word.

Jay:  It should be good.
Matt:  Hell yeah…Joke Show Part Deux  it is, at Noon ET on Sunday on Blog Talk Radio.
Jay:  I will have my rimshot ready.
Matt:  I bet you say that to all the boys.
Jay:  You sick fuck.

Matt:  Hee…See you Sunday at Noon ET on IWS Radio, Jayman!!
Jay:  It’s going to be awesome jocularity!!

IWS Babe of the Week...It's Raining Men

It’s Sunday , so it’s IWS Babe of the Week Day, however…

We’re changing it up a bit and giving the ladies a little eye candy this Sunday, because on today’s IWS radio show at Noon ET, Matt-Man and Jayman will be asking:

“What Do Women Want?”

Perhaps some of you women enjoy refined, dignified, and more than slightly experienced uber-men like Sean Connery…

Or, perhaps some women go all 180 and prefer a pretty little, wo-man-teen-boy like Justin Bieber…

Then again…

Maybe you like a sense of humor, so you opt for a caring, yet funny man, like Chris Rock…

Or these two funny guys…

Some women, like many men, are turned on by scholarly types, like Stephen Hawking…

Or of course, America’s Libertarian genius, Glenn Beck…

Some women, shallowly like to hear whatever they want, and in that case, Mitt Romney is a fine choice…

Of course, some women like the bad boy types and want to hang out with sexy criminals who are trying to destroy America, like this foreign-born terrorist…

Then again, some women just want plain, down to Earth, sexy like George Clooney…

What’s not to like?  He’s cool.

But in order to find out what women truly want in a man, you need to join us live on IWS Radio today at Noon ET, as Matt and Jay ask, “What Do Women Want?”

It’s gonna be a huge show, so ladies…you better have your Glenn Beck/Stephen Hawking loving asses listening and calling in at 661.244.9852, and tell us what you want.

Until today at Noon ET…

Cheers!!
.

Memorial Day 2012: Here's To The Dead, Not The Ratings And Poll Grabbing Undead

Happy Memorial Day from IWS!!

Okay wait…um…

Somber Memorial Day from IWS!?

Neither salutation seems to fit, um…

Anyhoo, it is Memorial Day, and millions of Americans across our great nation are celebrating this day in the form of can’t miss Sealy Mattress Sales, drunken cookouts, and watching septuagenarian Shriners drive around in tiny, tiny cars on Main Street U.S.A.

It’s the one day a year when, barring a new war, that Lee Greenwood gets some of his long lost fame, and relevance back, and actually gets some air play outside the mothball smelling stages of Branson, MO.

Do I sound bitter about Memorial Day and our Armed Forces?  Do I sound as though I am some suffering bowl of Liberal succotash?  Do I sound like an anti-military hater?

Well my friends…I am not.  Not in the least.

Hell, in 1987 I tried to enlist into the Air Force and was stricken down by an unwillingness on the government’s behalf of accepting a 22 year old man who was nearly legally blind and had a case of bronchitis into their armed services.  Petty fuckers.

Indeed, some see me as some type of Liberal Chucklehead who hates the military, and wants nothing to do with it to the point where I hate Memorial Day.

You know what I would like to say to people like that?

“Y’all can kiss my red, white, and blue ass, bend down and suck my Manifest Destiny dick, and go self-asphyxiate your own, sunshine patriot asses, because I am a REAL American, and I know what Memorial Day is all about.”

Memorial Day began as a day to honor the dead who fought in the Civil War, and then grew to a day where we, as Americans, honor the dead of every war in which this nation has offered her men and women.

And now?

Ever since 9/11, EVERY fucking day consists of a “thank you for your service“, “let’s honor the men and women who serve”, and “thank you for defending us” type of thing from every radio and TV outlet and host in this nation.

Those words have become meaningless, and today, Memorial Day 2012 we will hear those empty, ratings, and poll approving words said yet again, in an attempt by each cable network and candidate trying to prove that THEY are the most patriotic.  Ha…

FOX News doesn’t give a shit.  No politician gives a shit.  Most Americans don’t give a shit.

FOX News will fly the flag above a LIVE soldier. A Politician will shake the hand of a LIVE soldier, and the rest of America will shake the hand of LIVE family member or neighbor as they cook burgers on the grill.

Sadly…that is what media, political, and neighborly types think of Memorial Day these days.

Let me say to all of you…

FOX NEWS?  Memorial Day is about the fallen soldiers, not the ones that you use in order to make yourselves look like you care.

Candidates?  Having a picture taken of yourself with a drunken crew from the VFW 1068 on Memorial Day doesn’t make you more of a candidate.

And Americans?

If you spend your day cooking out with friends and family, you are closer to what this day is about than the other freaks.

You are celebrating the right to assemble.  The right to happiness.  The right to get as drunk as you want and fall into a grill as long as others aren’t hurt.

That is what those who gave all died for, and THAT is what this day is about.

It’s not about anybody and everybody who has served or will serve, it is about those marvelous bastards and bitches who left it all on the field of battle.

It is a day for the dead, so that we may live.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

Annnnnd….Jayman and I kicked off Summer yesterday with one helluva good IWS Radio Show.  We talked cookouts, Memorial Day, and Jay’s Family Reunion, it was a hoot, so check it out:

Matt Said...Jay Said XXXVI

Matt говори…Jay говори.  You, слушам.

Matt:  Hello?  Helloooooo?  Hel….
Jay:  Kirk Douglasssish here.
Matt:  Ha.  Your Kirk Douglas impression is almost perfected.
Jay:  Thanks!!  I was thinking I may take it a step further as well.
Matt:  How So?
Jay:  Thought I might grab me an ice pick and put a dimple in my rugged, manly chin.
Matt:  You truly suffer for your craft.
Jay:  IKR?

Matt:  Before we get started on show prep…What did you have for ‘sup tonight?  I need an idea.
Jay:  I had sole for the first time ever.
Matt:  Was it good?
Jay:  It was m’eh.  Kinda bland…in fact, one could say…
Matt and Jay:  IT HAD NO SOUL.
Matt:  We are so punny.

Jay:  We need to pick our babes for the Official 2012 IWS Babe Draft which along with their pictures, will appear on our website this Sunday.
Matt:  I am so ready.  I wrote down my four picks while at work today.
Jay:  Okay…you go first.
Matt:  With the first overall pick…I choose (name redacted)
Jay:  Sweeeeet. My first pick is (name redacted)
Matt:  She’s freaking hot, but I got my next one, Jayman…(name redacted)
Jay:  Oh baby, adding a little color I see.  Well, I give you this hottie…(name redacted)
Matt:  But she has fairly big ones; that is so unlike you.
Jay:  Yeah but she has her Aztec goin’ on.

Matt:  Sweeeet.  Let’s see…my third pick is, drum roll please…(name redacted)
Jay:  Why didn’t the Secret Service hit on her?  Anyhoodle, my next pick is, (name redacted)
Matt:  I don’t know her.
Jay:  Well, come Sunday, you will see her; know her; and love her.
Matt:  Okay my last pick.  The Dame of the Danes…One Miss (name redacted)
Jay:  She seems like a nice girl. And my final pick while you hand me the chopsticks…One Miss (name redacted)

Matt:  That’s a pretty good line-up.
Jay:  Well hell yeah.
Matt: We do good work.
Jay:  Hello?  Of course.

Matt:  And on IWS Radio Sunday at Noon ET, we will be doing the Prom Show?
Jay:  It’s gonna be huge, and I think we are prepared.
Matt:  But we didn’t talk about it
Jay and Matt:  (silence)
Jay and Matt:  Yeah we’re ready.

See you Sunday on the Radio, and to check out our Babe choices, come back here on Sunday!!

Building The Perfect Woman

I had planned on writing about Mitt Romney and President Obama today, but last night at the Beer Mine, something happened that took today’s post topic in quite a different direction.

A lady came through to get some beer.  She was very charming, very polite, and incredibly cute.  However…

The chick had a “crazy eye”.  One of her gorgeous eyes was askew.  Kinda like the late, great Jack Elam…

But nonetheless, and as she pulled away, I began thinking…If she were to wear an eye patch, that chick would be hot!!  And then, I thought…

Even without an eye patch, she still would be hot because there are certain, “out of the mainstream” physical characteristics that I find attractive on a woman.

While I am a fan of breasts on the more, shall we say, ample side, I am even more of a fan of great cleavage, and some women regardless of boob girth, have great cleavage, for example, Katy Perry…

Another thing I have always dug on a chick, is a big nose…Now it has to be an attractive big nose.  Kelly Clarkson has a decent schnoz that I would like to blow, and it’s pierced, which is kinda cute…

Now, right wing talking head, and FOX News contributor Laura Ingraham, has the epitome of a sexy nose…

but as I find her to be a repugnant human being, I just can’t go there, although I guess I just did.

Anyhoo...

Eyebrows!!  I dig fertile, furtive, and cocked eyebrows…A good eyebrow can say so much.  And as far as eyebrows today, I have to give a shout-out to touchy-feely, super elitist, and uber-liberal, Alex Wagner of MSNBC…

Dat chick got some sexy ‘brows!!  I want to lick them!!

Another off the mainstrean liking I have, is a woman with a gap between her two front teeth.  Who comes to mind?

Anna Paquin…

In addition, Anna is sporting some sex cleavage in that picture, and a touch of the crazy eye as well!!

So there you have it folks.

My perfect chick would have an eye patch (or not), great boobs and cleavage, a big nose, expressive eyebrows, and a gap between her two front teeth.

In other words, she would look like this…

I don’t care what you say…THAT’S HOT!!

And you know what else is hot?

Listening to Jayman and me on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio today at 11 AM ET.

We are going to do an early analysis of the looming Steel Cage Death Match between Willard Mitt Romney and Barack Hussein Obama.  It is gonna be a HOOT, so…

Join us LIVE at 11 AM ET today by clicking HERE, and remember you can always call-in live at 661.244.9852.  We so loooooove the calls from you folks.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

IWS Babe of the Week: This Southern Belle Rings Our Chimes!!

When in the course of human events, it be---, blah, blah, blah...

Sorry...

Over the year plus of this website, and longer on the IWS Radio Show, we have propped up, and sang praises to many beautiful women, however this week?

We want to sing the praises of an everyday woman.  A chick who just finds Jayman and myself funny, incredibly charming, and hopefully, HOT!!

I am of course talking about I'm With Stupid's initial Mizz July 4th Independence Day Hottie of 2011, Tamra...

She's not just hot either, she's pretty as hell...well she's prettier than uber woman Ann Romney anyway, and she works...without a net or a staff of fifty...

Tamra practices good hygiene, which is important to us here at I'm With Stupid.  She reminds Jay and Matt-Man to brush their teeth and comb their hair....Well, to remind Jayman to comb his hair.  Matt-Man?  Not so much...

Do you ever get that feeling that you can't decide what to do?  Like you're standing in the middle of the road? Tamra evidently did once, but let me tell ya, she looks good while doing so...

And while Tamra is a fun-loving woman, she can get a bit "attitudinal" when being followed by assholes. That's why for the life of us, we can't understand why she likes Jay and Matt...

And the funny thing?  Matt-Man has never been a fan of, The Ramones, and now he is FAN #1...What's up with that?

And of course, when our radio show was mentioned in Internet Radio Today, who did we ask to appear? That's right...Mizzzzzzzz Tamra...

Oh yeahhhhhhh...Mizz Tamra...Our initial 4th of July Woman, and a chick that keeps settin' off fireworks in our private areas everyday.

She is hot, sweet, and completely awesome.

Here's to Tamra, and here's to the upcoming IWS Radio Show.

Matt and Jay will be riflinfg through their local papers today at Noon ET on I'm With Stupid.  It will be like sitting on the porch with Andy Taylor and Barney Fife.

Join them by listening and/or calling in at 661.244.9852 for a laid back, homespun affair today at Noon ET by clicking HERE.

Cheers!!

Oh I forgot...there's a bonus picture...

Matt Said...Jay Said XXXIII

Jay loquitur….Matt loquitur.  You…audire.

Jayman:  Hellooooooooo, is the lady of the hou---?
Matt-Man:  Man, this sucks.
Jayman:  What does?  That I called?  You told me to call you...you passive-aggressive little man, you.
Matt-Man:  No, no, no...that we have to do our show prepination on Friday nights now.

Jayman:  Well…If Drive-By Mikey would stop changing your hours and you wouldn’t take your kid out to breakfast, all would be on schedule.
Matt-Man:  Well…I have no choice when it comes to Mike, but my kid needs me.
Jayman:  You are the last thing Ryno needs.
Matt-Man:  Huh…That’s exactly what his mom says.

Jayman:  So Sunday’s show…The big Easter Extravaganza!!  Woo Hoo!!
Matt-Man:  Gonna be huge…What should we talk about?
Jayman:  Oh I don’t know…Easter stuff.
Matt-Man:  See?  That’s why you are a marketing genius.
Jayman:  Oh hush.  I don’t take compliments well.
Matt-Man:  Are you blushing?
Jayman:  Oh Hell no…I encourage compliments. I probably don’t get as many as I deserve.

Matt-Man:  We can talk about Easter memories from our childhoods.
Jayman:  That’s always a crowd pleaser.  We could also talk about the significance of Easter itself.
Matt-Man:  Exactly…We like to have fun, but be historically accurate and informational as well.
Jayman:  Right…and that is why we should shine the light on those who we deem to be God-Awful Christians.
Matt-Man;  Damn right…Some people take God’s name in vain, just by waking up in the morning.
Jayman:  Exactly…There are some alleged “Christians” who should simply be shot.  Just sayin’.
Matt-Man:  Word.

Jayman:  Sounds like a great show…Jay, Matt, and Jesus.  What the Hell could be better?
Matt-Man:  Damn right…Oh, and we could talk about what we are having for our Easter feasts.

Jayman:  Well, you’re pretty much having any dough like substance that doesn’t move, aren’t ya?
Matt-Man:  Oh yeahhhhhh, but that does NOT include Newt Gingrich…and you?
Jayman:  I’m keeping that under wraps until the show, baby.
Matt-Man:  Once again with the clever marketing, you stud, you.

Jayman:  Well, I guess we’re set.
Matt-Man:  I guess we are.
Jayman:  Okay then…
Matt-Man:  Alright…
Jayman:  Hang up now.
Matt-Man:  No, you hang up first.
Jayman:  Let’s hang up together
Matt-Man:  Okay
Jayman:  One…
Matt-Man: Two…
Schmoop (from the Bagwine dining room table):  Hang the damn phones up you insufferable Marys!!
Jayman and Matt-Man:  Hee...“click”

So guys and gals, join Jayman and Matt-Man tomorrow, Easter Sunday on I’m With Stupid as they break down all things resurrection related on their big Easter Extravaganza.

That’s tomorrow, Easter Sunday, live at 12 Noon ET on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio.

Oh…Need a link to the live show?  It’s in your Easter basket right…HERE!!

Cheers!!

Jesus Is Lord!! Not An Expletive, You Sunzabitches!!

I like to use expletives frequently. I mainly try to use them as a form of emphasis but I must admit, oft times I use them simply to be rude.

Anyhoo, IWS fans…

It is Super Happy Hole-ly Jesus Week ™ here on I’m With Stupid and as we countdown to the resurrection of Jesus, I thought I should cut back or refrain from cussing altogether.

This special holy week, I hope to avoid using any form of the word “fuck”, especially the phrase, “Jesus Fucking Christ.”

It wasn’t just my idea, nooooooo.

Jesus hizzelf told me to try to clean up my language during HIS special week.

He said unto me last night…

“Matt-Man, I love you, but please…try to avoid using such colorful language. If I can do it; you can do it.”

Now for those of you not as intimate with The Lord as I, the “if I can…you can…” line may seem odd.

Well trust me, it’s not.

Ol’ Jeebus may be the Son of God, but in addition to being that and a sarcastic practical joker, the boy used to cuss up a storm.

Damn straight, he did.

He used to call his apostle John a big girlie man and Christ would shout at John in Greek, insults like this...

“John ya big sissy, you are such a Kappa. Upsilon. Nu. Tau.”

He used to refer to Pontius Pilate as a, "mealy mouthed dago pussy."

And referred to Romans in general as, "pasta eating pig fuckers."

I think Jeebus’ Dad finally told him to cool it when he said to an adulteress woman…

“Neither do I condemn you; but go and sin no more, ye of the open legs and bitter herb crotch.”

Jeebus now swears very rarely, however if I happen to mention Joyce Meyer to him, he usually let’s out a…

“Screw that used up, sinning’, cuntmuppet.  She’s been cashin’ in on me and my daddy for years.  Bitch got no scruples.”

Ha. That one always cracks me up, because his face always shrivels up like a rotten bell pepper when he says that.

So anyway…Since it is Super Happy Hole-ly Jesus Week ™, and because Jeebus asked me to, I’ll try to control my bad language…especially as I stated, any phrase that uses HIS name and the F-Word.

However, if I see something funny that may contain some bad, savior bastardizing language such as that, I may falter and post it. But, I’ll try to be strong and refrain from doing so.

I trust that I can stay profanity free lo these last six days…

Oh well, I am doing well on giving up bread for Lent.  Can’t win em’ all.

*Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus* 

Yesterday on the IWS Radio Show, Jayman and I interviewed Dana and Mike.  Dana is 47 and Mike is 27, and let me tell ya, there’s a freaky age inappropriate relationship spilling over with those two.  To get all the juicy, lewd, and lascivious details you can listen in the archives:

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

We hope you do...It was actually a good time, and at least the younger of the love struck interviewees seemed to have his head on straight.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmanIWS