Babe of the Week: Jessica Biel

The IWS Babe of the Week feature returns for 2012 and who better to start things off for us than Justin Timberlake’s fiancée Jessica Biel! 

 Jessica first burst onto the scene in late 90’s as Mary Camden on the ultra-successful series 7^th Heavan. But, she’s also very well known for many movies including the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. 

But, Jessica is probably best known for her rock hard body and her commitment to fitness. Jessica is very athletic and does a great job of keeping herself in amazing shape. And now, on top of all the other honors she’s been named IWS Babe of the Week. Congrats Jessica!

Matt Said, Jay Said, XX

Matt parla, Jay parla, You ascoltare.

Matt: “Good morning, welcome to the Unhappiest City in America, where may I direct your call?”

Jay: “To the meloncoly deptartment please.”
Matt: “One moment. Please let is ring as they’re not too motivated there.”
Jay: “Understandable.”

Jay: “Very sorry about your unhappiness there in the Miami Valley.”
Matt: “Well, we’re used to it here.”
Jay: “But, Bagwine’s unhappiness has brough tons of hits to the IWS Blog.”
Matt: “At least something good has come of this.”
Jay: “Out of the ashes of doom and despair comes fame and internet notoriety.”
Matt: “If only that were enough Jay.”
Jay: “Dam, that’s some deep unhappiness there.”
Matt: “Generation after generation of depression and unhappiness cannot be overcome with one good day of heavy traffic on a blog.”

Jay: “Maybe a name change would help?”
Matt: “Oh yeah. How ‘bout Pleasantville?”
Jay: “That’s happy and uplifting.”
Matt: “It is AND, I’m a fan of the movie.”
Jay: “I don’t think I’ve seen it.”
Matt: “Really? It had ... what’s her name ... cute girl ... Reese Witherspoon!”
Jay: “Meh. She’s okay, I guess.”
Matt: “Oh I like her a lot. She’s a good actress and damn cute.”
Jay: “She is both of those, very true. Just .. I don’t know. Nice New Orleans girl.”
Matt: “See, there you go!”

Matt: “Big playoff games this weekend.”
Jay: “I’m thinking the Bengals can beat Houston too.”
Matt: “Well, you’d think they could.”
Jay: “You don’t think they will though?”
Matt: “Well, it’s our nature in these parts to not get our hopes up.”
Jay: “Of course not. That would be happy stuff.”
Matt: “Exactly, we’re not into that.”
Jay: “I’m being contrarian this week. I’m also taking Denver over Pitt.”
Matt: “REALLY? I don’t know about that.”
Jay: “TEBOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”
Matt: “Oh dear God.”

Jay: “So, I’m interviewing you this week?”
Matt: “Yup, and then I’ll DO you next week hot stuff.”
Jay: “Oh yeah! That’s hot.”
Matt: “I was going to ask what subjects you were going to hit on, but I won’t.”
Jay: “I plan on probing you for at least a half hour.”
Matt: “You sick fuck.”
Jay: “I won’t ask anything embarrassing or anything like that.”
Matt: “Boring.”
Jay: “No, you’re a fascinating guy.”
Matt: “I do fascinate myself sometiems. Okay, often. Couple of times a day even.”
Jay: “We won’t really get into that.”
Matt: “Good plan.”

So, there you go kids. More fun and games with Matt and Jay. AND, don’t forget to join us Saturday night at 11 pm ET when Jayman will be interviewing Matt-Man LIVE on the air on I’m With Stupid. Join us for this exciting and interesting trip through Matt-Man’s life and times.

And, while you’re waiting for that show to happen, be sure to check out our very special analysis of the Iowa Caucuses which aired on Wednesday. Nobody broke things down better than we did. And, Jayman put up a spirited defense of the great state of Iowa against all the unfair and rude people who trashed the state.

As always, thanks for reading and listening and just being there for us. We love you all. 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Springfield, Ohio...The Unhappiest City in the United States

It has come to my attention and to the attention of many others that over the past three years, Gallup has been conducting a survey of citizens in 357 major U.S. population centers in order to find the happiest and most unhappy cities in the United States.

While the poll showed that Ocean City, NJ is the least depressed, and Casper, WY is the happiest, the poll also showed that the most unhappiest place in the Unites States in none other than…

Cue the fanfare…

Wait for it…

That’s Right, America!!

Springfield, Ohio!!

The municipality of my musings.  The city limits of my solace.  My lifelong friend and hometown that I adoringly and affectionately refer to as, Bagwine, Ohio, is Number One!!

Or, as I should say to our burgeoning population of Mexican-Springfielders so they too, can celebrate…

“Bagwine, Ohio is Numero Uno, Mi Amigo…Pass the 40 of King Cobra and Viva Zapata!!”

While being Number One in the area of, “U.S. City that Sucks the Most” may seem like a stigma to some communities, we here in Springfield are awash with tears of joy induced by our new found notoriety.

Being the worst at something isn’t necessarily bad.  You know what is bad?  Being obscure.

And today, we in the Champion City, just as the Phoenix rose from the ashes, and Edmund Hillary scaled to the top of the Everest, have cheated the cold clench of obscurity and proudly planted our flag of penultimate angst and ill-will atop this naïve and otherwise happy-go-lucky nation.

Our amber waves of grain waft in the wind in the form of the purplish bull-thistle that acts as a waving, weedy headstone atop the razed land where the International Harvester plant used to stand.

The Crowell-Collier Building while mainly empty and no longer publishing 20 Million periodicals a month like it did until 1956, still looks down upon the city as life goes by.

The once thriving population of some 82,000 has dwindled to 60,000 at best, but that means one can get through the lines at the Porta-Potties much more quickly during the Downtown Plaza Parties in the Summer.

Our dumpster diving industry is still going strong, although being the industrious workers that we are in Springfield, we have glutted the aluminum recycling market, and prices are quickly dropping.

Alas, I ask…are we collectively in Springfield, Ohio really all that unhappy?  I have no idea, because I have no idea who Gallup contacted during their survey.  I know I wasn’t contacted. I don’t know anybody who was.

The answer to my question might be found in something a long time friend of mine, Sherri said in response to my posting of these results on my Facebook page.  She said…

“Not to be corny, but happiness is not a place.”

After responding to her by saying that the spot where a chick’s back of the thigh melds into her ass is a very happy place, I figured she was right.

In all seriousness?

I work among the masses here in Springfield, Ohio, and while things aren’t great or anything, I don’t see this place being the unhappiest place in America.  I see it as probably how many Americans view their own cities, towns, and burgs.

Just a town full of some people who are doing well, some doing okay, and some doing not-so-well.

I’d venture to say that if my BFF/OSP Schmoop and I were living anywhere else, we’d still be in the group that is “doing okay”, and…we’d still be happy, which gives credence to what Mizz Sherri said.

However…

Another friend of mine, Tiffany, commented on the same Facebook post as Sherri and said the following as to why people in Springfield aren’t very happy…

“Only because they don’t listen to the I’m With Stupid Radio Show.”

Tiffany is a freakin’ genius.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
twitter:  @mattmaniws

Rick Santorum 2012: Does the Office Come with a Cool Hat Like The Pope Has?

“Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ravening wolves.”
--Matthew 7:15

“A Conservative Government is an organized hypocrisy.”
--Benjamin Disraeli

It is often said, that when attacking a political opponent, the most effective words to use against him or her are their own.

As former Sen. Rick Santorum, after his virtual tie with Mitt Romney, on a wing and several prayers, descends upon New Hampshire like the David who more or less defeated the Mormon Goliath, I have a few thoughts about him.

I don’t like Santorum.  In fact…I looooathe him.

Santorum’s “near victory” speech after the Iowa Caucuses was very well-done…even, to a certain extent, poetic.

He eloquently wafted on about his immigrant parents and their Horatio Alger type successes.  He waxed emotionally about the hard working, coal dust covered and ember ridden steel workers of the Monongahela River Valley.

He spoke of by-gone days of American exceptionalism in Western Pennsylvania.  It was stirring.

He also spoke of freedom…of liberty…of opportunity…where each and every American has the right to go forth, and with all the freedoms that America offers to him or her, be all he or she wants to be.

And yet, in Santorum’s well-written and colorful version of freedom…there lie a few caveats, or perhaps in his case, dicta.

First and foremost being, there will be no abortions in this country.

The Almighty Santorum speaketh...

I don’t care if you were held against your will in this land of personal liberty, YOU WILL HAVE THAT BABY!!  

Have all the freedoms you want, Mizz Probably Asking For It…AFTER you give birth to the Meth Head rapist’s zygote which comes to bear fruit in the form of a beautiful and bouncing baby boy.

Perhaps Mr. Meth Head should have worn a condom, but as you know, that is but an artificial semen dam to God’s righteousness so I wouldn’t have allowed that anyway.

Hey Bryce and Chandler!?  Quit being gay, and don’t even think about getting married, because for eons, God has dictated that only man and woman can marry.  He said that somewhere in the Bible or maybe I heard it from Bill Donahue.

Either way, remember…A cock in the ass, is worth two gay birds in Hell…or something.

And for all you Anti-Semites out there…I stand by Israel no matter what, and if you don’t, you are un-American.

Israel was put here by God and more importantly, by the United Nations in 1948.  And while I will kick the UN out of New York before my term has expired, they at least did something right on the Jewish Question.

And in order to protect Israel and the Second Coming of Christ, which I do not fully understand, I will bomb Iran at the first signs of them building a nuclear reactor, or anything that resembles a corn silo like I saw while in Iowa.

Also…Under a Santorum Administration, Flag Burning, Bestiality, Amorous Hand-Shaking, Drinking, and giving YOUR money to black people in order to make them more comfortable will be prohibited.

Other than that, feel free to be yourselves.

Oh, one other thing…When I name Newt Gingrich my Consort-in-Chief, don’t laugh.  He has a very thin skin, and he can go ballistic.

Somewhere, Benjamin Disraeli and Edmund Burke are crying...Not to mention fellow Catholic, Jack Kennedy...

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

email:   neshobdude@yahoo.com
twitter:  mattmaniws

Mr. Advice Giver

Hola Bitches! You know, one of the burdens/benefits of being a world famous internet radio host is that people often times write me for advice. Now, I try not to get too involved in the lives of the little people, but I am a man full of deep thought and wisdom, and I guess that really shines through here and on the show. Every once in a while I feel that I should help a few people out and hopefully others who have the same problems will get some help too. So here are a few emails I have received recently from people in need of good advice…

“Hey Jay, this might seem like I’m overanalyzing things, but I need your advice on something. There’s this chick I met on the internet who I’m kind of smitten with and I’ve been trying work slow so as to not mess things up. I haven’t been getting much feedback and I’ve been worried it’s because she didn’t like me.

Then I sent her a “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year” email and tried to make it pretty clear that I wish I was spending the holidays with her without saying anything too corny, you know? Anyway, she emails me back thanking me and then says “I hope you get everything you deserve in the New Year.”

At first I thought this was really nice, but now I’m wondering what she meant by “deserve.” I mean, if she doesn’t like me and thinks I’m a creep, she might think I deserve to have my ass kicked by some gang members or something. What do you think? Was her holiday wish good or bad?”

- Worried Willy in Wilmington

Dear Willy, I’m afraid you’re fucked. More than likely she thinks you’re a weasely stalker type who is too much of a pussy to just come out tell her how you feel. She figures she would be able to walk all over you and women hate that. Best thing to do is to send her an email telling her that you’re sick and tired of the way she treats you like shit and you can do so much better than ghetto trash like her. She’ll rent a car or get a plane ticket to come visit you and beg you to be her man.

“Hola Jayman! I have a major decision to make and you’re the only one who can help me out. I’m a high school senior and I have to decide between the Air Force Academy and West Point. Which one should I go with?”

- Patriotic Paul in Peoria

Dear Paul, more like “Pretentious Paul” amirite? That email was the most pathetic HumbleBrag email ever. But, in the outside chance that you aren’t just trying to remind me of my past and present academic and professional failures, I would say go with the Air Force. The army might send you to some pretty unsavory locations while you could get stationed somewhere really mysterious and exotic in the air force like Minot, ND.

“Jayman! I need your help sooooooooo bad! I’ve been dating this guy for a few months and we finally started having sex. But, there’s a problem. He’s really HUGE. I mean freaking HUNG dude. And, it just isn’t comfortable for me. I don’t know what to do? Will it get better?”

- Sore Sherry in Sheridan

Dear Sherry. Leave him now before you become more attached to him. It won’t get any better at all. His best option is to just admit that he’s gay and come on out of the closet. I know this is shocking, but we all know that all men who are really well endowed are gay. It’s a proven fact.

So, there you have it folks. As you can see I’m a brilliant advice giver and am great about staying completely impartial and never let my emotions or biases get the better of me. So, if you have any big dilemmas that you’re facing, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me and I’ll do the best I can to help you out.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook: Jayman68
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Iowa Caucus 2012: Children of the Corn Go A' Votin'

Welcome to Iowa everybody!!

This is IWS political news babe, Shannyn Jannsyn coming to you from the Hawkeye State, as the long awaited, first in the nation, Iowa Caucuses are finally here.

The GOP Presidential candidates have been talking and talking for months, but as everyday Iowans head to the caucus rooms tonight, we at IWS want to know what issues weigh upon the minds of Iowa Caucus goers.

I interviewed dozens of definite caucus attendees this morning at the Drake Diner here in Des Moines, and here are a few samplings of what matters most to those who will be helping to determine to course of the 2012 Presidential election…


Vern Husk…

I want to know where the candidates stand on farm subsidies. I would be in a real bind if subsidies are cut. The government has been paying me to not grow corn for so long, I don’t reckon I could remember how to grow it if had to. Do I till? Do I no-till? When’s the best time to plant?

That’s a lot of re-learnin’, and I haven’t been very nimble in my attic ev’ry since ‘79 when my cousin Eustis whacked me upside the think melon with a Crafstman hoe.

Martha Silk…

All of the candidates have droned on and on about how they will keep illegal Mexicans out of our country. Not one of them says a damn word about keeping the illegal blacks, Jews, and Canadians out of here. Oh Dear God, the Canadians!!

Eli Onthecob…

My biggest concern is that I’m going to wake up one morning and the government has completely taken over. Why just this past summer they opened a “municipal” swimming pool in Council Bluffs and this fall the Health Department was doling out free “flu shots.” Where does it end? And let me ask this…what exactly was in them “flu shots?”

Major Kernel…

As a small business owner and well-respected Christian member of my community, I am concerned about this trend of our kids having no work ethic and listening to that crazy rock ‘n’ roll music. Sure, Buddy Holly’s plane may have crashed over in Clear Lake back in 1959, but that devil music never died.

Helen Fritter…

Oh my, I really wish someone would put up a traffic light at the intersection at Maple St. and Wayne Ave. Ever since that Maid-Rite franchise opened, it’s been nothing but chaos. Somebody is going to get hurt…or worse!!

Succotash Jones…

Being one of seventeen black people in Iowa, I want someone to open a decent southern style restaurant. I snuck up here shortly after the Dred Scott decision and while I love my freedom, I really miss well-done collard greens, fine fricasseed chicken, and most of all, po’boy sammiches.

Lawdy yes…I’d almost go back to work on the plantation for a good ol’ po’boy sammich…or a muffaletta…Yeah, I digs them too.

And there you have it guys. The important issues that will be driving the debate during tonight’s Iowa caucuses…or is that caucii? Anyhoo…

This is Shannyn Jannsyn reporting from the Drake Diner in Des Moines, Iowa. Here’s to a Happy Caucus, and remember…don’t commit prematurely.

e-mail: neshobadude@yahoo.com
twitter:  @mattmaniws

Celebrity Death Pool 2012

Hola Bitches and welcome to 2012. How was your New Year’s Weekend? That’s great! Really? Wow! Dude was hung like a donkey! Well, I’m glad you’re happy. Oh mine? It was … nice. We had an excellent New Year’s Eve Party on I’m With Stupid Saturday night. It was lots of fun and games and all that. Then, I called into Dr. Mike’s and Warrior Kat’s show and we brought in the New Year in style. So, the Jayman had some excitement of his own this weekend. Oh yeah!

Anyway, as is tradition here on the IWS Blog, on the first post of the New Year, I publish my Celebrity Death Pool. This is the list of celebrities and pseudo-celebrities who I believe will kick the bucket in 2012. Now, I’m not saying I WANT these people to die. I’m just saying I think they WILL.

2012 Celebrity Death Prediction:

We’ll start with the people I put on the list every year because they are either very old or have a very high risk lifestyle:

- Abe Vigoda

- Wilford Brimely

- Keith Richards

- Betty White

- Ernest Borgnine

- Betty White

- Larry King

- Lindsay Lohan

- Leif Garrett

- Jim Cantore

Next we’ll list some people who have been very sick and are probably not going to make it:

- Aretha Franklin

- Etta James

- Larry Hagman

- Muhammad Ali

- Michael Douglas

- Nancy Reagan

- Margaret Thatcher

- Joe Paterno

- Zsa Zsa Gabor

- Robin Gibb

Of course, we’re about due for another former president to pass away. I think I’ll go with George H. W. Bush. I know his being the oldest makes this an obvious pick, but it’s really just a personal preference guess.

The only group left would be people who are young and/or healthy and don’t seem likely to die. These are the hardest ones to predict. (see: Phoenix, River and Ledger, Heath) So, they may seem like a stretch, but just remember anything is possible.

- Jennifer Aniston: Freak hairstyling accident.

- Dakota Fanning: She’s right in the drug experimenting accident age range.

- Nicolas Cage: Crazy people die crazy.

- Pitbull: There has to be a rapper on the list, right?

- Ralphie May: Many comedians live fast and die young.

- Lady Ga Ga: It just wouldn’t be her style not to.

- Andy Samberg: Young comedian AND SNL cast member? He’s toast.

- Heather Graham: The Brittany Murphy category

- Robert Pattinson: The Heath Ledger category

- Brandon Marshall: Gotta have an athlete on the list too.

Okay, so that about covers it. There’s my prediction for who is mostly like to die in 2012. Of course, I hope none of them do.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook: Jayman68
Twitter: Jayman_IWS

--

In other news, as I mentioned earlier, we held a very special New Year’s Eve Party on I’m With Stupid. It was pretty much non-stop fun and jocularity. We came up with some great predictions for 2012, took calls and just reveled in the fun and excitement of the New Year.

So, give it a listen and relive that great night over and over again with us. 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio