Is it Time to Ban Football?

Hola football fans! After the tragic suicide of former San Diego Chargers linebacker Junior Seau, and the Bears’ Dave Duerson and former Falcon Ray Easterling, there is now a debate going on about whether or not football is just too violent and too dangerous. Even sure fire Hall of Famer Kurt Warner has said that he wouldn’t want his kids to play football because of the dangers. Well, I wouldn’t let my kids play either, but that doesn’t mean I think we should ban the sport.

Football is a very dangerous game to play. But, everyone who signs an NFL contract, a Letter of Intent to play in college or just puts the helmet on and walks onto the field is accepting the risks of the game. Now, you’re gonna say “Yeah, but can teenagers understand the risks involved in playing?” Maybe not, but that’s why God invented parents. And it’s up to parents to BE parents. If you send your kid out to do ANYTHING without understanding the risks involved then you are a shitty parent.

Parents worry about how much sex and violence their kids are subjected to on TV, so they block certain channels or don’t subscribe to Skinemax Cinemax or HBO. They worry about what their kids are viewing on the internet, so they install filters. They worry about what they are reading, so they read the book first, or don’t let them read it. (Okay, actually many of them ask the government to raise their kids for them by banning certain TV shows, movies, dirty websites and books, but that’s a discussion for another time.) So, if parents do all those things, why would they send their kid off to play football without researching the risks?

Life is full of risks that we readily assume all the time. We know that cigarettes can and will destroy our lungs. When we buy that bottle of tequila, we know there’s a good chance we’ll wake up the next morning in a drainage ditch wearing nothing but a sombrero while also ruining your liver. If you start betting on sports you very well could end up selling all your shit at a pawn shop to pay off your gambling debts or get your legs broken by Guido. If you eat fast food every day you’re gonna get fat and have lots of health issues resulting from that decision too. Hell, just getting into our cars each morning means that we are accepting a certain amount of risk in our daily life.

A person could get injured engaging in any physical activity. You can sprain an ankle playing pick-up basketball. You can pull a hamstring running the bases on the softball or kickball field. You can blow out your knee playing Frisbee Golf if you’re a hipster who only plays cool sports that aren’t super popular. And you can do as I did and seriously injure your back picking up a laundry basket.

Is it possible, and even probable that the NFL and maybe the NFLPA covered up the long term effects of head injuries and concussions for many years? Absolutely! I think the NFL is in danger of being the next Big Tobacco. But, that’s their problem and will be the result of their actions from the 60’s, 70’s and probably 80’s. But, anyone who is playing the game today who claims he doesn’t know anything about the long term effects of playing just isn’t trying to find out about them. Nothing is being hidden today and it’s up to the individual or the parents of the kids to make the decision about whether or not those risks are acceptable.

And, what about the fans you ask? Well, it’s up to us decide our level of support for college and pro football on our own too. We know how violent the game is. We know how corrupt it is. And we know that the people who choose play these games are willingly accepting the risks. 

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

Slyder Balzcock: The Bridges of Madison Square Garden

Hey there, sports fans…

IWS Sports Director Slyder Balzcock with your, “Welcome to the Weekend Sports Update.”

This past week has been mocked, marred, and made interestingly enough by a whole lotta stuff, so let’s dust off home plate and kick off the pigskin.

Seems that the Indyapolis Colts have ridden Payton Manning as far as his ball talent will carry them, as they released Manning to ride another type of horse to the Denver Broncos.

In my opinion, Manning will be lobbying six point STDs to WRs, Eric Dicker, and newly and recently acquired former Cleveland Bengal, Anthony Caldwell, from the first kickoff to the last at bat in no time.

If only the Broncos still had their great RB from the 70’s, Floyd Patterson, they could probably make a Super Bowl rung this year.

I guess the best news of this entire deal, is that Archie Manning said that the trade, move, and amount of money offered to Payton was, “adequate.”

Arch is always on the look out for his little boy, God Bless him.

In a relative story…

Newly former Denver Bronco QB Tim Tebow is now a New York Jet.

And as Big Apple West Siders, Action, A-Rab, and Big John say on Broadway…

“When you’re a Jet, you stay a Jet.”

So I guess Tebow is there until he throws a Touchdown pass or until the Trinity Broadcasting Network offers him more money with fewer bruises, than the NFL, whichever comes first.  Here he comes God-Lovin’ TBN fans!!

Speaking of bruises, former Seattle Supersonics basketball defensive stand out and now currently former News Orlean Saints football coach Gary Payton, has been bruised by a suspension and huge fine by the NFL.

Apparently Payton and the Saints organization were paying blood money to their employees if they tackled opposing players meanly and left them with soiled uniforms.

Trust me, I have seen the Saints play outside the domed environment on real turf and have never witnessed them leaving a player soiled, but so be it...If Gary Payton is gone, and they need a new coach?

Dust off former Saints head coach Hank Stram, and viola,  "Lazay-Lay Bon-Tom Roulay."

Sure, Hank may be a little rusty, but in the immortal words of Canadian Rock and Roller, and former British Labour Party leader Neil Kinnock…

“Rust Never Sleeps.”

And there you have it folks…Your week in sports from IWS, and yours truly.

For now, this is Sports Director Slyder Balzcock, leavin’ it all on the field, and headin’ to the showers…

Slyder can be reached through Matt-Man at the following addresses:

E-Mail:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws

Roger Goodell's Authoritarian Life

Hola Thugs and Cheap Shot Artists! By now you probably know that His Excellency Most Beloved and Feared Supreme Leader and Grand Poobah of the NFL, Roger Goodell has dished out the discipline in the Saints Bounty Program matter. Rockin’ Roger suspended Gregg Williams indefinitely and rescinded Williams’ superfluous “G” from his first name. Goodell then gave Sean Peyton a one year suspension and docked the Saints some draft choices. Afterwards, sportswriters all over the country dropped to their knees, licked their lips and stared longingly at Goodell’s raging authoritarian manhood.

What a lot of people don’t know though, is that Roger Goodell has a long history of laying down the law. He has had a no tolerance policy since he was a little kid. And, our crack staff here at IWS World Media has uncovered some of the times his authoritarian streak has appeared in the past.

Summer of 1964: A five year old Roger Goodell informed his mother that, since it was Tuesday, he would be having peanut butter and jelly for lunch. But, it turned out that Mother Goodell didn’t have any peanut butter in the house, so she attempted to serve Roger a baloney sandwich. While being a fan of baloney, Roger simply couldn’t allow his mother to deviate from the weekly schedule. So Roger suspended his mother from watching General Hospital for the rest of the week, and fined her one extra Twinkie for him to eat at a later date when he was craving one.

Summer of 1968: After watching the CBS Evening News and becoming enraged at all the “DIRTY FUCKING HIPPIES” protesting against the war in Vietnam and the government, Goodell ordered Walter Cronkite suspended from appearing on the family TV for two full weeks and ordered the family to instead watch the Hunt-Brinkley report.

Summer of 1976: Roger’s brother Tim accidentally scratched and ruined Roger’s Barry White “Can’t Get Enough” album. Roger wasn’t understanding at all. He suspended Tim from borrowing any albums indefinitely. A suspension he didn’t lift until 2002. He also fined Tim his Roberto Clemente and Lou Brock rookie cards. Harsh!

Winter of 1980: Roger had always allowed his roommate at Washington and Jefferson College permission to wear one of his sweaters when going on a date, but one time the roomie wore it without asking. Incensed at this breach of protocol, Roger was forced to deny his roommate use of any of his sweaters AND forbid him from getting any condoms out of Roger’s stash for the remainder of the semester.

Spring of 1990: After his dog Rufus chewed up his copy of The Road to Power by Josef Stalin, Roger was exasperated. He had already given Rufus his one warning three years earlier when Rufus peed on the Persian Rug in the basement. So, Goodell suspended Rufus from going to the dog park for three months and took one of Rufus’ squeaky toys away. He then went on to warn Rufus that if there were any other indiscretions he would be sent to live with Mitt Romney.

So, as you can see, Roger Goodell has been preparing his whole life to be the Supreme Leader of the NFL or some other organization in desperate need of a daddy to keep everyone in line. There have been many other examples of Goodell’s authoritarian training, but honestly, they’re just too disturbing to report on. Yes, even more disturbing than sending his dog to live with Mitt Romney.

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

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In other news, we had a really Wild Wednesday on I’m With Stupid this week. We talked about the Illinois primary, Peyton Manning and Tim Tebow. After that we discussed the Tayvon Martin situation and then launched a few more Molotov Mocktails in what is fast becoming our best all-around segment. So, totally check it out!!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Inside the Saints Bounty Program

By now, I’m sure everyone has heard that the New Orleans Saints had a “Bounty Program” set up to pay off defensive players for big hits and big plays. And, I’m sure you’ve done the appropriate pearl clutching and joined in as the Fake Outrage Machine™ was turned up to 11 again. I’m especially fond of Steve Young’s “WHAT WILL WE TELL THE CHEEEELDRIN!” plea.

Well, once again, the IWS Sports Investigative Team is on the case! And, we have uncovered not only the dirty plays, but what the payout was for each of them. Check them out and be as disgusted as we are.

1. Towel Snap: $250
2. Flat Tire: $500
3. Ear Thump: $500
4. Noogies: $500
5. Pantsing: $750
6. Shoelacing: $750
7. Hole Tempting: $1,000
8. Indian Burn: $1,000
9. Short Sheet his bed: $1,000
10. Wedgie: $1,250
11. Hang a “Kick Me” sign on back: $1,500
12. Wet Willie: $1,500
13. Fake hickey from pinch: $1,500
14. Purple Nurple: $2,000
15. Three Stooges Eye Poke: $2,500
16. Hurt feelings: $2,500
17. Swirlies: $3,000
18. Ball Buster: $5,000
19. The Business: $5,000
20. Teabagging: $10,000

Now, lest you think I’m making light of this whole thing simply because I’m a Saints fan, you’re wrong. I would have made light of it no matter which team had gotten caught. Now the other teams in the league doing the same thing can quietly disband their bounty programs while tsk, tsking the Saints. And then the Saints can fire head coach Sean Patyon, who will then be suspended and fined, former Defensive Coordinator Gregg Williams will be suspended and fined, and the Saints will be fined and lose draft picks.

Then after next season, The Dallas Cowboys can hire Sean Payton as their new head coach and ESPN and the rest of the sports media will pretend that Payton is Mr. Fucking Wonderful again and act like none of this ever happened. And then the NFL’s empty suit Commissioner Roger Goodell can go back to pretending to care about player safety while continuing to push for an 18 game schedule which will result in more player injuries.

See? It’s all no big deal.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Vince Lombardi: Today's NFL Sucks!

Hola bitches! Vince Lombardi here to talk about something near and dear to my long decomposed heart. The NATIONAL Football League. And who better to discuss the state of today’s game than me? I mean, they named the freaking Super Bowl trophy after me. That pretty much makes me the all-time expert of experts, amirite? 

The guys at “I’m With Stupid” asked noted medium Will M. Dye to contact me and have me come back and watch some film of the last couple of seasons of the NFL and evaluate the game as it stands today. So, I did it. What the hell else did I have to do? Sit around and play Hearts with George Halas, Tom Landry and Hank Stram? God they bore the shit outta me! 

As I sat here, watching NFL games while eating microwave popcorn and drinking beer I could only think of one thing to say…

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE??!! 

Look at these guys! They’re all a bunch of fancy-pants pretty boys.  They prance around the field and jump around and dance and shit after a routine play. They have reality TV shows, whatever the fuck those are. If any of them have a little headache they’re out for two weeks. What a bunch of crybabies!

And what the hell is this team and personal sports psychologist shit? In my day if a player got his feelings hurt or couldn’t handle it mentally, we got rid of him. Now they bring in some pansy-ass to counsel him and tell him that his feelings are valid. And then they tell the coach to handle him with kid gloves. 

I SAY BULLSHIT! 

And you know what? It gets worse. You get a 15 yard penalty if you breathe on the QB too hard. Those twinkle-toe little sissies might as well be wearing an apron and heels out there. And, they’re heading the same direction for the rest of the players. Pretty soon the NFL will be the NFFL: National FLAG Football League. 

Hell, the game itself is pretty damn boring anymore. They kick off from the 35 so every damn kick will sail into the end zone with no return. They don’t want to get the poor guys hurt. Awwwwwwww. Poor widdle footbaw pwayers! Can’t block or tackle hard cause they make so much and the team doesn’t want to hurt their “investment.” 

And the play calling?! OY VEY! I swear if a team has a 3^rd down and a foot, they’ll have the QB turn and throw the ball 10 yards backwards and make the receiver make up all the yards.  I can’t even take it. It’s all about finesse. Little screen passes, bubble screens, seriously, “bubble?” That’s the gayest sounding play I’ve ever heard. What the hell happened to my league? In my day, we played like men. We hit people. We ran the football and didn’t worry about dancing around. We just slammed it up in there. 

And there wasn’t any of this rolling around on the ground in pain either. We sucked it up and kept playing. Now they lay there and the team sends out trainers, a doctor, a nutritionist and that fucking psychologist. While all that is happening the networks show these inane Cialis commercials. Seriously, what’s the fucking deal with those two outdoor tubs? That doesn’t make any fucking sense!

You know what? I can’t take it anymore. I’m going back to the card game with the guys. Even sitting a listening to Coach Halas talk about how painful it is to take a shit is more fun than the NFL anymore. 

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In other news we had football frenzy on I’m With Stupid on Saturday. Well, we had a frenzy at least. Sunshine State Shirley and her friend Donna BOTH called in.  We did give some expert analysis though. At one point Jayman got off this gem: “Notre Dame played great. I mean they dominated the game, they just didn’t score enough points.”  

Also, we made a big announcement. The announcement is that the Monday show will now be at 11 am EDT on Wednesday. The Saturday show remains at 6:30 pm EDT.  Okay, so check out the show. It rocked and so do you! 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

NFL 2011...Are You Ready for Some Football!?

Hi Gang!! IWS Sports Director Slyder Balzcock here with your opening weekend NFL preview.

The Season of the Pigskin kicked off last night as the defending Super Bowl Champion, Green Bay Packhers, defeated the News Orlean Saints 42-34 on the frozen tundra of Hambone Field.

It was good to finally see some rough and tumble shoulder pad to shoulder pad action after spending the summer wondering if the NFL owners blackout would prevent this season from ever taking place.

Thank God, that after months of rumors of a football famine, the players and owners came to the dinner table, broke bread together, and to football fans everywhere, served up one helluva meal deal.

Of course, there has been one huge change in the NFL this year. As I reviewed this week’s match-up of NFL games, I was amazed by the number of new franchises in the league this year.

For instance…

This week, Seal Team 6 tangles with Dub’s Dudes in a gridiron struggle that pits an aggressive group of terrorist killers against a scrappy bunch of trailer home dwelling boobie lovers. Look out Dub’s Dudes, after this week, you may want to change your name to the Dead Bin Ladens.

In what looks to be a high scoring affair, the Matt Castle led HM Giggle Fairies take on the Memphis Blues helmed by up and comer Josh Friedman, or as I call him, the Beale Street Jew. I’ll take a Jew over a Fairy anytime, as long as I don’t have to sit next to either. The Blues by two.

In what could be a blowout, The Flam-a-Diddle Cheesy Poofs throw hands with Team Terrell. Team Terrell, is owned by The Official Hot Mess of IWS, Sunshine State Shirley. Shirley’s team will beat the Flam-a-Diddles like a drum, and be spitting out pieces of Cheesy Poofs during their post-game victory party.

Our very own Jayman and his Stalkers led by Wide Receiver James “Throw Me Da Ball” Jones will be trying to keep offensive pace with Phillip Rivers and his, I Touchdown There turf mates. This one’s a toss-up, fans, but Stalkers RB, Noshow Moreno could be the goat or the gift.

Lastly…

The Cleveland Steamers and Michael Vick take on Matt-Man’s Steel Reserves. This match up leaves me with more questions than answers. Is shit stronger than beer? And more importantly…When did the Philadelphia Steelers trade Michael Vick to Cleveland?

That’s all for now, sports fans…

This is Slyder Balzcock leaving it all on the field and heading for the showers.

Ed. Note: Matt-Man here…um…When Slyder asked for this week’s NFL game schedule, I sent him the I’m With Stupid Fantasy Football League schedule as a joke. 

I thought Slyder would pick up on that. I apologize, and have scheduled a 2:45 PM meeting with Slyder.

Matt-Man 
neshobadude@yahoo.com
www.twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

Fantasy Football and Leaving it All on the Field

Matt-Man and Jayman put on a pretty good performance last night on “I’m With Stupid.” They came out strong and had lots of enthusiasm. Then, they avoided the big emotional letdown and kept up the intensity and executed their game plan flawlessly.  Especially Matt-Man, who overcame some adversity and had to gut it out. 

They both did a great job of not getting flustered by the rush of the clock.  They might not have segued perfectly, but they kept it together as they moved through the show. And then they came up big in the clutch making some big plays late when it mattered most.  And that’s how you build a winner. 

Internet radio is about taking it one show at a time. And it’s about hard work.  You can’t just wish for a good show to happen. You have work hard at it and MAKE IT HAPPEN! That’s what Matt-Man and Jayman have been doing. They’re proving, week in and week out, that they are committed to being the very best show on the internet. They’re leading by example.  You just have to WANT IT MORE than everyone else. 

It should be clear to everyone that Matt-Man and Jayman have the character and the talent to take this show to the next level.  And they’re going to get it done no matter what it takes.  NOBODY works harder on their craft than these two guys. And nobody is going to out-compete them either.  They have all the intangibles to make it to the elite level.  

What they clearly have is A COMMITMENT TO EXCELLENCE! 

So, we would very much appreciate it if you listen to our Fantasy Football Preview show that included a very special accidental open from our sports correspondent Slyder Balzcock and a Dramatic Reading of Tumblr by Jayman. You don’t want to miss that folks! 

We appreciate your listening and love every single one of you out there! 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Making Deals and Celebrating Ramadan ...

Today on “I’m With Stupid” we talked deals. Lots of deals. We ripped on the ridiculous and almost completely fake Debt Ceiling Deal. With its Special Commission that will be created to make all kinds of recommendations to deal with the debt that will never be implemented and will be ignored. Hell, the whole deal itself will be ignored by the next congress when they do their first budget. Yes, as shocking as it might seem, our political “leaders” have just completely wasted 6 weeks where they could have been dealing with the fact unemployment is 9% with a bullet. I’m sure they’ll get to that whole “jobs thing” next NEVER. 

Anyway, after that we talked NFL deals. Great deals made by teams like the Eagles and devastating lack of deals made by teams like the Cowboys. Every year Cowboy fans think all the big free agents will come to Dallas just because they’re Dallas. And every year they go somewhere else. So sad. 

THEN we had a very special caller! Our very good friend and fan of the show Maniar, the Canadian Muslim called in! So talked to Maniar for a  bit about Ramadan and what it’s all about and that cool stuff. We’re a very educational show, you know.  So, let us take just a moment here to send out a big Ramadan Mubarak to all our Muslim friends all over the world! 

And after that we talked some MLB trades like the big blockbuster deal the Cardinals made for Octavio Dotel and how the Reds continue to prepare for the future. And then we filled in the final few minutes of the show with some other fun stuff. 

So, be sure to give today’s show a listen cause not only was it funny, you might learn a few things too.  You can listen right here on BTR’s Magical Mystery Player. And as always, we appreciate your listening! 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio