Thursday, September 1, 2011

Letters, Oh We Get Letters!!

Jayman and I get virtual tons of e-mails that the IWS staff handles, but we thought that today would be a good day to answer a few of them personally…

For nearly two months now, I have listened to your show and read your website, and frankly, I have no idea how you two even dress yourselves in the morning.

Buster Servicks
Huntington Beach, California

Well Buster, we don’t. As internet and social media superstars, Jay and I have a team of busty, scantily clad women that dress us in the morning…on the rare days we decide to conform to social norms and actually wear clothes, that is.

I really like show. Make me feel that my life is not all bad, and I am not as stupid as I think I am.

Olga Fukyerzelf
Vladivostok, Russia

We’re glad you enjoy the show and hope that we continue to warm your heart during those cold, North Pacific winters. In case we ever fail to heat up your self-esteem, we are sending along an I’m With Stupid electric blanket, because we are looking out for you Ms. Fukyerzelf.

For some reason, after listening to your show, I feel an insatiable need to take a shower and scrub myself down with sandpaper and steel wool.

Adolf Alleskoch
Munich, Germany

I understand Adolf…After Jay and I do a show, I too take a shower in order to wash away all of the awesome sauce that has oozed from my pores during the course of another award winning broadcast.

Sometimes when I listen I think that perhaps, God sent you to us so he can put a heavenly spotlight on the vast amount of stupid that exists in the world.

Michele Bachmann
Lexingtin ‘n’ Concurd, New Hampshire

You may be right and as always, we thank you for unknowingly providing much needed material. We love you, M-Bach!! Here’s to 2012.

Where the hell is my child support check!?

Beth Rhodes
Springfield, Ohio

I’ll pass your concern along to Jayman as soon as I see him. He’s been strapped for cash of late, as he needed to purchase new tires for his car and replace his 12 year old toaster.

After hearing y’all for three sixties, I could tell you wuz nuthin’ but a deuce of middle aged white boyz needin' to get laid.

Juwanna Phuq
East St. Louis, Illinoize

As internet superstars, Jayman and I are always but an arm’s length away from a lovely lady who would like nothing more than to have sex with one or both of us, however if you’d like to pass along your phone number or the that of your pimp, it would be most appreciated.

And there you have it for today, folks…Keep those cards and letters coming!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
www.twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

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