Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Mitt Romney: Austerity is Another Word for Paradise


Hola y’all! Mitt Romney here! I’m fresh off my spectacular victory in the Florida primary last night. I racked up 47% of the vote which is an amazing coincidence because not only have I changed my stance on 47% of the issues we’ve discussed so far, but if you use “Mitt Math” I paid 47% of my income in taxes last year. Only a truly great American such as myself would pay that much.

I just wanted to let everyone know where we go from here. And, I’ll do it while reading from notes printed out by a member of my staff like a real American would not off a teleprompter like an America-hating Christian-bashing loser would. And, I’ll do it while staying positive and not engaging in any name calling like secret Muslims who wants to destroy everything great about America would.

Don’t worry, I’ll keep this short. I’ve got my dog tied up to a fence outside with a six inch leash and it’s raining heavily. But, he can take it. And, speaking of how much I love my dog and other animals, I want to address some scurrilous things that have been said about me lately.

Chief among these is that somehow, I’m being presented as someone who looks down on people who haven’t worked hard like I have to make myself into something from nothing and are much less successful than me. Worst of all, these people are claiming that I hate poor people! Now this really hurts. I don’t hate poor people. Everyone who works for me is poor. And, I love all of them dearly.

If you look at my record in that state I was governor of that I won’t actually name because it’s a very liberal state that follows very liberal policies and has low unemployment, almost universal healthcare and best in the nation schools. I’m opposed to ALL of the policies that resulted in all those good numbers, even if they were mine. But, I do want to point out that as governor I passed a plan that resulted in poor people having access to healthcare.

A plan that was so damn good, that President Obama used it as the model for ObamaCare. And, as president, I’ll repeal that bill. After repeal people with preexisting conditions will immediately be tossed off their insurance plans and all those poor people who were about to have access to insurance no longer will. Trust me these people will be so much happier this way. Honestly, it’s a matter of pride for most of them.

Folks, I keep saying that this is a battle for the Soul of America. I know it’s a strange thing for someone with no soul to say, but I really do believe it. I just honestly think we can do so much better. We can return America to greatness! We can make our military great again! We can slash taxes on everybody except working people! We can cut all this ridiculous spending on lazy-ass people who are just living off government handouts! And by cutting taxes dramatically, especially on rich people, and raising defense spending big time, we will of course, balance the budget.

And what’s really great about it folks, is that it will be painless. We can do it all without one bit of sacrifice on your part. All you have to do is just kick back and let the greatness happen. How awesome is that? Obama promises nothing but pain and sacrifice. He thinks Americans should do silly things like “work together” and “take care of each other” and other bullpoop ideas. Well, I’m here to tell ya folks, it just doesn’t have to be that way.

Won’t it be wonderful when I, Mitt Romney, am president and you no longer have any responsibilities? Won’t it be wonderful when nothing is expected of you? Yes it will.

Austerity is just another word for paradise.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Monday, January 30, 2012

Sometimes, Being Loud Is Golden

Welcome to the last day of January chuckleheads.

I hope that you realize that 1/12th of another year has passed, and more importantly, I hope that you have given the forgone 8.25% of 2012, a robust 110% of your effort.

I know that we here at I’m With Stupid, have done just that.  In fact…

While our radio show has been airing for well over a year, Jayman and I have been doing the I’m With Stupid website for less than a year, since late June of 2011 to be precise, and what wonderful accomplishments have we packed into these several months which include the aforementioned 1/12th of 2012?

Well…while nothing monumental or civilization changing, there are more than a few notable items of accomplishment which to, um….note.

In addition to trying to be funny both on the air and on this site, Jayman and I like to set the record straight about our society, as he or I see it.

Sometimes, that means, going after “the establishment”.  And when I say establishment, I don’t merely mean the government.  I mean corporations, private organizations, and yes, sometime individuals as well.

Jayman and I have done that several times over the preceding months, and let me tell you, and let it be a lesson to you…

Speaking out on a public forum such as this site, or our radio show, is not only cathartic, it can and does bring results.

As a united front, Jay and IWS have helped a hot babe slam Google over its puritanical censorship, and they finally acquiesced, and her allowed to post a Karaoke video of HERSELF.

After an outcry brought upon by Jayman and IWS, re-runs of Oprah at 11 PM on Ozarks CW are a thing of the past, and M*A*S*H episodes have been brought back.

Through threat of a boycott, and public, quasi-humiliation brought on by IWS, Time-Warner fixed the internet connection here in the Bagwine digs, by replacing outdated cables.

We called the Gingrich comeback long before paid TV pundits, as well as the Herman Cain endorsement of, "We the People."

Yet...

Because of our satire, rapier wits, and outcries for public justice, we have also been blocked on social media venues such as Twitter, by the likes of Joe Scarborough, Neal Boortz, and, of course Esquire’s own, Scott Raab, among others.

Yes, the pendulum of justice swings both ways when voicing one’s opinions, however, the fact of the matter is…

When one allows their voice to roar through the garble of everyday hyperbole and white noise of life on a platform like IWS whose numbers are pretty damn good by the way, you get a reaction.

It may be positive.  It may be negative, but the most important thing is…you are heard.

Take for instance, the following…

A couple of months ago, IWS published an article about how insufferable Ohio State football fans are.
We were lauded and our article picked up by, and shouted out by, one of the biggest talk radio stations in the country, 700 WLW.

That is the good side of the pendulum.  Now, fast forward to this 1/12th of 2012.  Just recently I wrote an article about how God-Awful, I thought morning guy Doc Thompson of 700 WLW is…er…was…er…whatever.

Many a Clear Channel big wig read said article and yesterday?  It was announced that Doc Thompson had been fired.  During his honeymoon no less.  While we delight in Doc’s passing from the air waves of WLW, we regret the unseemlyness of the timing.  Ouch!!

On the upside of the pendulum…

Our guy…er…potato man, Spuds Tuberosum, recently exalted the deliciousness of the potato and scoured in outrage over the failed attempts by the Obama Administration to remove it from the school lunch menus.

What did we get in return?

A very nice email from Marie Joanis who works for the National Potato Council, and no, I’m not kidding.  It was very nice of her and her organization to follow up with us.  We appreciate that immensely.

Anyhoo, and I guess what my limited learnin’ is trying to say, is…

Words do have power.  When you sift through all the hyperbole, satire, offensiveness, and sometimes profanity of the words that appear here on I’m With Stupid, there is common sense, and evidently, some people listen to that, see through that, and do the right thing, based upon that.

When you out bad things publicly, or laud good thing publicly, things happen…and we would like you to join us.

We are happy that you read and/or listen to our radio show, but help our voices be even louder by writing a blog post for IWS or chiming in on the radio show.  It’s that easy, and we welcome your voices.

For IWS, and on behalf of Jayman unless he doesn’t like this post, I bid you…let it out, let it go, and bring it here...to IWS.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws

Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Back Alley Abortion Cafe is Ruined


Hola! As you have probably heard, Oklahoma State Senator Ralph “Pee-Wee” Shortey has introduced a bill that would BAN the use of aborted fetuses in food.  Now, you might be wondering if this was something that needs to be legislated against. Well, the answer is YES! In fact, his bill has ruined my dream of opening restaurants in Oklahoma City and Tulsa that specialize in Fetus Meat. Here’s the menu I had put together.

Welcome to the Back Alley Abortion Café!

Appetizers, Salads and Soups …

Fried Fetus Sticks w/ a Tangy Marinara Sauce
Bacon Wrapped Fetus Fingers w/ Ranch Dressing
Spicy Fetus Wings
Placenta Soup
Fetus Spring Rolls

Thick and Hearty Chunky Fetus Stew
Cajun Style Fetus and Shrimp Gumbo
Stem Cell Salad with Fetus Toes Sprinkled About
Caesar Salad w/ House Vinegar, Oil and Amino Fluid Dressing
Crunchy Parmesan Fetus Tenders w/ Dipping Sauces
(All White Meat)  

Lunch and Dinner …

Southwestern Style Smoked Fetus Wrap
French Dip Fetus Sandwich w/ Garlic Placenta Dipping Sauce
Grilled Fetus and Swiss Toasted Sandwich
Fetus Brains Tartare
Whole Rotisserie Fetus Slow Cooked Over Open Coals
(The crispy skin is our favorite!)

Giant Late Term Ground Fetus Burger
Hickory Smoked Fetus w/ Baked Potato
Blackened Cajun Style Fetus Served Over Wild Rice
Chicken Fried Fetus Covered in Country Gravy & a Side of Collard Greens
Classic Fetus Liver and Onions

Desserts …

Fetus Ice Cream w/ Chocolate Syrup
Fetus Brownie w/ Vanilla Ice Cream and Chocolate Syrup
Frosty Fetus Shake (Chocolate, Vanilla or Almond)

As you can see, this would have been a really big hit in downtown OKC! But, now they’ll have to travel out of state to enjoy my culinary creations. Once again, just like with explicit porn and high alcohol content beer, the good people of Oklahoma are being deprived of something great by the republicans anti-small business and job killing legislation.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

--

In other, only slightly less offensive news, we had a great time bashing men Saturday in our “Men are Pigs” episode of I’m With Stupid podcast. We really let men have it. We clobbered them for their lack of sensitivity, rudeness, conceit and general bad manners and lack of decent grammar skills.

We also checked in with our new gay correspondent Joshua who is FABULOUS! And, of course we classed the joint up a bit with our weekly feature “Pee Break with Schmoop!” So, give it a listen, it was really an outstanding show.


Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Babe of the Week: Classic Beauty


For this week’s Babes of the Week, I’m With Stupid celebrates some of the all-time classic babes. We proudly present to you some women whose beauty transcends the generations.

Raquel Welch…

 Elizabeth Taylor…

 Dorothy Dandridge…


Ann Margret…

And of course Princess Grace Kelly

Friday, January 27, 2012

Matt Said, Jay Said XIII


Matt-Man cainteanna, Jayman cainteanna, You éisteacht.

Matt: *sings* “Iiiiiiiiii’m … so in love with yooooo …”
Jay: “That’s so sweet.”
Matt: “Oh! It’s you. Sorry.”
Jay: “Too late! You already said it so you can’t take it back.”
Matt: “I didn’t know those were the rules.”
Jay: “We live by the rules of the street.”
Matt: “True dat homey.”
Jay: “And by ‘street’ I mean ‘the playground.’”

Jay: “The National Potato Council should be pleased with your post.”
Matt: “I went all out for them.”
Jay: “I’m a little concerned that @ThisSpudsForYou hasn’t acknowledged us though.”
Matt: “I was just thinking the same thing.”
Jay: “When we sellout for someone, we expect some publicity, I mean thanks.”
Matt: “And when they don’t, we’re forced to rail against something we love.”
Jay: “I was having tater tots for lunch, but now I’m thinking differently.”
Matt: “I’m going to have a hamburger with a side salad now.”
Jay: “I’ll have a healthy green, leafy salad too. Just like kids in school should!”
Matt: “That’s right, I’m having hamburger with a side of disrespect.”
Jay: “And a tall cold glass of heartache.”
Matt: “And it goes down as slow as it is hurtful.”

Jay: “Well, it IS still early so maybe they’ll still notice us.”
Matt: “They better or I’ll have to mash them.”
Jay: “I’ll have them scattered, smothered and covered with righteous indignation!”
Matt: “I’ll name them ‘Julienne’ and make them my bitch.”
Jay: “We’ll scallop ‘em!”
Matt: “We’ll look in their brown eyes and then bake ‘em!”
Jay: “We tried to STEM the tide against them though.”
Matt: “I’m beginning to think they’re the ROOTof all evil.”
Jay: “We did our best to butter ‘em up.”
Matt: “I guess all our hopes and dreams were half-baked.”
Jay: “I’m pretty steamed.”
Matt: “I feel like I’ve been pancaked.”

Jay: “So, we’re Man Bashing this week?”
Matt: “Damn right we are.”
Jay: “Men are pigs.”
Matt: “They disgust me.”
Jay: “Arrogant, hateful bastards.”
Matt: “Every last one of ‘em.”
Jay: “Nobody has every deserved this show topic more than men.”
Matt: “And nobody has ever gone after them like we will.”
Jay: “Every day men do things that just infuriate me.”
Matt: “I observe them from the Beer Mine and it makes me weep for humanity.”
Jay: “I bet it does.”
Matt: “It drives me to drink.”
Jay: “That’s so sad.”
Matt: “Very much so.”

So there you go again folks. The genius flows like Niagara Falls. So, be sure to tune into I’m With Stupid this Saturday at 11 pm ET as we bash men in the “Men are Pigs” episode. We’re holding nothing back this time kids! We’ll lay out the case against men and even have an update from our Joshua, our new Gay Correspondent. It’s gonna be a hoot! Join us and even call in to add to the man bashing.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Something Is Au Rotten Within the United States Department of Agriculture


This is Spuds Tuberosum for I’m…With…Stupid, and listen…

I have more than a few problems with the Obamas and the United States Department of Agriculture.

Tater Tot, by every slowly served Tater Tot, they are trying to limit the amount of starchy foods in school lunches, in favor of “more acceptable vegetables” such as brussel sprouts and broccoli.

Let me tell ya…

We potatoes Rawwwwwwk!!

We are a good source of Vitamins B6, C, Thiamine, and Niacin, and we have more than our fair share of Potassium working through us, as well as more than a little bit of Iron, to which I have to say…

Hey corn, move over and make room for the tuber, you winsome bitch.

And yet, while this go ‘round, the Obamas and the USDA have failed to stop our appearance in school lunches, my more than a few of my eyes have never seen such an attack on something as American as the potato.

I have never seen anything as un-American as attacking the potato since the days when The Brady Bunch was cancelled.

So goes Cindy Brady; so goes the Yukon Gold.

Listen President and Mrs. Obama, Secretary Vilsack, and my fellow Americans…This great nation was born and built on two staples of dietary ingestion, and two staples only…Meat and Potatoes.

Do you deciders of fortune in Washington, D.C. realize that if weren’t for the potato and it’s ensuing blight from dirty rot, taint, and curl, that today there would be nary a city in the United States that wasn’t well-manned by cops of Irish descent?

Sure, you talk a good game about the gloriosity of first responders, but you are trying to kill off the very life blood that brought them here.

I know, Mrs. Obama, you want to put an end to child obesity or whatever, but c’mon, who are we kidding?

You show me a kid who grows up eating bulgur wheat, brussel sprouts, and fruit during his or her formative years in elementary school, and I’ll show you a kid who gets his or her ass kicked every day by the time High School comes around.

Sad.

Seriously.  Do you suppose Daniel Boone passed on a twice baked potato in lieu of a half baked mention of asparagus with his deer brisket while running the gauntlet?

Do you think that Andrew Jackson said, “The Cherokee can stay where they are until I finish my sausage and endive casserole.”

Is it to be believed that on the day that the Berlin Wall came down, Ronald Reagan, said, “Man, I wish could celebrate the end of Communism by having a juicy steak with some fresh and slightly roasted eggplant.”

Ha-hooooo, I don’t think so.

No my friends, Boone ate raw potatoes while butchering the Shawnee…Jackson had French fries with his Trail of Tears entree, and the Gipper had several frozen patties of hash browns for every brick that came tumbling down.

So Real…So American…So Potato…

My friends…

From the Russet’s red glare to Yukon Golds bursting in air, I say to you…

Do not, like this administration has, dare to abandon the potato.

Totted, twice baked, or in chip form, we have, and always will be, here for you.

God Bless the potato, the National Potato Council, and above all…

God Bless the United States of America,

Spuds Tuberosum

Email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Malcolm Eckstein Speaks

Peace, Salam, and Shalom, bitches.

Malcolm Ramadan Eckstein here for I’m Wif Stupid.

Most y’alls probably aksin yoselfs, “Who the fuck is this crazy lookin nigga?”

Well…Taint none of yo Got Damn bizzness, but I’ll tell ya anyway.

I am the new Minority Affairs Correspondent for IWS, and I am one bad ass mutha-shut your mouf.  Ha, and sheeeeet.

Seriously my bruthas and sistas…Jayman and Matt-Man hired me to cover what many of you gated community livin mo-foes refer to as, “The Section 8 News.”

On top of that, IWS had no minorities on their staff, so what wif Black History Monf comin up, they thought they’d hire one.  And wif me, they get three minorities in one…a black man who is boaf a Muslim and a Jew.

Damn right, bitches.  Sammy Davis Cyclops, Jr. can kiss his own dead ass, cuz Malcolm Ramadan Eckstein is duh Holy Trinty of American minority statusizement.

Yeah…my momma was a white Muslim named A’isha, my grow-up daddy was a black Jew named Hiram, and my biological daddy?

His name was, State of Michigan #7689125.  Man, that is one whacked name to go through life wif.

I had a pretty good life for a kid who grew up in Detroit and was facing all of the mixed marriage and fucked up religious stigmatisizers.

My momma, who was a magician, would put in eight, and sometimes twelve hours a day, performing tricks at Bailey Lounge on the corner of Livernois Ave. and Webb St.

My relatively long-term daddy who loved me and raised me, worked as a commodities broker who specialized in aluminum futures.  And dig it, he worked hard and took his job seriously.

I remember some nights he’d come home after eleben hours of workin the streets during a hot Detroit summer day, and say to Momma…

“I sweat my ass off for these alabastard Gentiles only to discover that after a long ass day of recycling their shit, aluminum is down to twenty eight cents a pound.  Oy Fucking Vay, and pass the bitter herbs, and collard greens.”

Anyway…

I am emminetsly qualified to be the IWS Minority Affairs Correspondent.

I have been on this Earf for two score and a deuce and let me tell ya…in spite of growing up in the cushy confines of one of only two, two bedroom apartments in the projects, I have cred.

I grew up worshipping Allah AND Moses.  I grew up worshipping Suzanne Somers AND Lola Falana.  I grew up worshipping, Orange Pekoe Tea AND Manischewitz.

I am the Underdog-Uber-Man, and my name be Malcolm Ramadan Eckstein.  So say it, likes ya mean it, or Malcolm cut a bitch.

And by the way…That picture of me at the top?

Jayman and Matt-Man wanted a file photo of me, but I said, “Naw, Bitches, Naw.”

That portrait of me was done in 1994 by Ray Charles, and as we can all see…

For a blind dude, Ray was one badass, brushstrokin, mutha fucka.

I’ll be seeing you again soon during Black History Monf, and remember bitches, my initials are MRE, and as any good military ho knows…

That means…Meal Ready To Eat.  Uh-huh.

Yeah I said that, 
Malcolm Ecks

Email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

State fo the Union Insta-Analysis


Hola y’all and welcome to my expert analysis of the State of the Union address. I’ll be firing away at the O-Man throughout the speech and then post this raw and unedited. Well, I might edit it some, but I won’t change my reactions to the idiotic things Obama is going to say.

Also, it’s my understanding that Indian Governor Mitch Daniels will be giving the Republican Response tonight. I won’t include him since I get to make fun of republicans three times a week when they debate. But, I will say I’m so happy that Newt’s success has allowed Gov. Daniels to make a comeback and forced everyone to go back to pretending he’s not a fucking weirdo.

Okay, everyone’s in the building! LET’S DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!

Ahem. He’s taking his time getting to the podium. I guess I’ll have another beer.

Whoa! That wasn’t a “FRIENDZONE” hug he just gave Gabby Giffords.

John Boehner is still the darkest man in the room.

Okay, here we go.  … DRINK!!

I honestly thought there was at least an outside chance Obama would show up wearing a glittery jacket and just do lounge songs. No such luck. Apparently he’s gonna be all serious about this shit.

The State of the Union is? … Strong? Not fucking hardly dude.

Opening by praising the military and reminding everyone he had Bin Laden killed. If you don’t applaud you hate America more than Obama does.

“An economy built to last, where hard work pays off, and responsibility is rewarded.” – Pfffffft. Yeah right.

“… a blueprint for an economy that’s built to last – an economy built on American manufacturing, American energy, skills for American workers, and a renewal of American values.”– Yeah, I think that horse has already left the barn buddy.

I’m glad I didn’t tell you guys to drink every time he uses the word “responsibility.” That would have been down-right irresponsible of me.

Lots of talk of “tax equity.” It’s almost as if he expects to run against Romney in the fall.

I wonder if any republican will use the words “Class Warfare” to describe Obama’s speech.

If I ever attend a SotU I’m going to bring a laser pointer with me to see if I can freak out the Secret Service.

Let’s break for a little song and dance routine from Shakira…


General Moters is #1 again and Mitt Romney is a big fat poopy head!

“What’s happening in Detroit can happy anywhere. Cleveland. Pittsburgh.” – IT ALREADY HAS!!

We’re still talking about the auto industry. We get it. You got one right. Thanks. Let’s move on.

A Trade Enforcement Unit! We’re gonna let China have it! Finally. Maybe. We’ll see.

1st Human Interest Story: “Jayman is a guy who is fast becoming a HUGE internet celebrity, yet he still has no groupies. My administration will NOT LET THIS STAND! We’re going to assign some of the daughters of legal age of Newt and Bill Clinton’s groupies to him. It’s only fair.”

“Unemployment, Reemployment, ME-employment.”

If we had done something about immigration reform when we should have, Mitt Romney’s family never would have moved here from Mexico! 

John Kerry looks like our economy!


“Blah, blah, blah … Energy strategy.” Yeah, yeah whatever. Justified comes on in 20 minutes. Pick up the pace.

Transportation projects! Does this mean his going to fix my car?

Oh great. Now he wants to fix the mortgage crisis that he could have fixed already but caved to both dems and repubs in ’09 on fixing the bankruptcy bill.

Obama keeps saying he “won’t go back.” That’s great, but he isn’t going forward either.

Joe Biden either has a cold and keeps eating lozenges or he has a very serious Vicodin habit.

The debt, taxes and other shit. I’m not gonna lie. I’m running out of energy here.

Sorry, I had to take a break to give Christine O’Donnell some shit on Twitter.

Now, it’s mostly “republicans suck.” I forget, is this an election year?

“You can call it ‘Class Warfare’ all you want.” – GOP response: You’re on!

How fucking long is this speech? GAWD!

Has Obama updated us on Demi Moore’s condition?

IRAN!!

ISRAEL!!

And yeah, that’s pretty much it. More military is great, America is great stuff you’ve heard before and will again. Okay, that’s it, I’m going to watch Justified now. Thanks!

Jayman
email: jayman3768@gmail.com
twitter: @Jayman_IWS 

Tentang Tanda-tanda Keperawanan Yang Menyesatkan !


Beberapa tanda-tanda keperawanan yang menyesatkan tapi begitu dipercaya banyak orang seperti dikutip dari About.com, adalah:

1. Orang yang tidak perawan jalannya mengangkang
Hal ini sama sekali tidak berhubungan dengan perawan atau tidak perawan. Karena cara berjalan seseorang dipengaruhi oleh pertumbuhan dan perkembangan fisiknya, seperti lebar tulang pinggul dan juga banyaknya lemak di sekitar paha.

2. Orang yang tidak perawan bagian bokong terlihat berkurang elastisitasnya
Bentuk bokong yang kendur atau berkurang elastisitas tidak berhubungan dengan perawan atau tidak perawan. Seseorang yang kurang berolahraga atau aktivitas fisik bisa membuat bokongnya kendur.

3. Orang yang tidak perawan salah satu payudaranya akan terlihat lebih besar
Hal ini bisa membuat orang beranggapan perempuan dengan payudara cukup besar sudah tidak perawan. Padahal payudara seseorang memang bisa membesar ketika terangsang, tapi umumnya ia akan kembali ke bentuk semula dan tidak permanen.

4. Orang yang tidak perawan urinennya jernih
Kualitas urine ditentukan oleh asupan air yang diterima oleh tubuh, semakin banyak air yang diminum maka urinnya akan jernih dan bersih. Sedangkan warna urine yang tidak jernih bisa disebabkan oleh kurang minum atau ada penyakit tertentu seperti infeksi kandung kemih bukan karena perawan atau tidak perawan.

5. Gadis yang tidak berdarah ketika pertama kali berhubungan seks sudah tidak perawan
Darah yang keluar terjadi ketika selaput dara yang menutupi pembukaan ****** robek saat berhubungan seksual. Tapi selaput dara ini bisa robek melalui kegiatan fisik seperti bersepeda, jatuh, menggunakan pembalut tidak tepat atau senam yang berlebihan.

Monday, January 23, 2012

State of the Union Address 2012: Why Bother?

Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States…

And the joint Congress and American public go, “Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.”

Sad.

But the sadness…disinterest…malaise…or just plain, “What the fuck ever”, feeling is not without an understandable reason.

Tonight, during the State of the Union Address President Obama will say in some form or fashion as all President’s before him have said…

“The State of the Union is strong.”

Well, in my opinion, the State of the Union is far from strong, in fact, it sucks. And, I’m not talking about our economy, or our stature in the eyes of the world. I’m talking about us.

I’m talking about us as a nation of people who over the years have defeated an empire, have come together like none other, and now, after nearly 236 years of this great nation’s existence…

We argue over whether a woman has private and personal control over her own body, if a spouse has the right to let his spouse die in a dignified way, or if we should attack a country such as Iran whose military prowess is along the lines of the paper tiger that was Hussein’s Iraq.

Our nation has so many problems…from our debt, to reliance on foreign oil, to unemployment, to trying to find our markets and international place in the 21st Century.

And yet, when looking for a President and leader in our 2012 election cycle, what do many Americans look toward to guide their choice?

American History? The Constitution? Or perhaps, Common Sense? Noooooooo…

Many Americans find their safe harbors via the lighthouse of the media beacons that are MSNBC, FOX News, and some whacked out manchicks named Rachel Maddow and/or Sean Hannity among others.

Unfortunately, they seem to be the catalytic minority, and…they are what fuel the misfiring engine that is the do nothing government that we seem to have these days. Politicians want one thing, and that one thing is not to help America, it is to get reelected.

And in order to secure that end game, legislators agree with tiny minded folks, and no matter what, feed the electorate with what they want to hear in order to accomplish their unending, monetarily satisfying tenure within the once great halls of Congress.

Seriously, Mr. and/or Mrs. American Voter…you suck.

Choosing a President, taking the ten minutes it takes to vote, and actually researching who and why you want to vote for him or her has become such a chore. Because? Thinking takes time.

Millions of Americans listen to Limbaugh, Hannity, Maddow, and Olbermann because they would rather not think for themselves. They are too busy ordering pizza , texting a friend about how their spouse hates them, or playing Farmville on Facebook as they experience the virtual birth of a calf…

Gimme a break. It’s because of the laziness of the American voter that we in 2012, are left with a field of Presidential candidates of Romney, Gingrich, Santorum, Paul, and Obama.

In 1800 and 1804, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson went head to head in the Presidential election, and in 2012..?

We will have either Romney or Gingrich up against Obama.

Adams and Jefferson debated over the future course this country would take in order to make our then nascent nation more successful, and 200 and some years later?

No matter who the GOP picks to represent their party, the General Election debate will center on not who will make this country greater, but rather who will make this nation less than it already has become.

Ironically, it is our forefathers who set us upon this path with the birth of herd mentality political parties. However...

While they saw political parties merely as schools of thought, Americans today see them as political Cliff Notes, and comfortable, totalitarian schools of non-thought.

Americans today don’t have time to read the entire virtual biography that a candidate may put forth; they merely want to gaze, and listen to it briefly upon 24/7 cable news, and then like Pavlov’s dogs, obediently nod their heads, and wag their tails to what they know, and agree…or bark at the screen when they don’t.

After all, thinking takes time, and there are X-Box games to be played, spouses to cheat upon, and other who are unlike you and I to mock.

I wonder about our country, and when I do , I wonder about Ben Franklin.

He drank…He loooved the ladies…He smoked…He, like an idiot, stood out in the lightning…He hung out with pigeons as he trained them, and today?

Because of all of that, he couldn’t get elected as a City Commissioner of Bagwine, Ohio.

Americans today do not like thinkers…they do not like great people…Americans like a world that is homogenous…that thinks as they do…that is uncomplicated.

And that is exactly why America, the former bastion of innovation and great ideas, is becoming second-rate as a nation, and a nation whose State of the Union is not strong.

Matt-Man

Email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

Sunday, January 22, 2012

South Carolina and Republicans Let Their Freak Flags Fly


Hola South Carolina! Look at you!! You’re all grown up and sexy as hell! I remember when you were such a prude too. You were completely disgusted with ANYTHING of a sexual nature AT ALL. Remember that? Remember when you were all “Family Values is the number one issue!” and “We are all values voters” and all that that shit?

And, now you’re voting big time for Newt Freaking Gingrich. That would be the Newt of the multiple marriages, multiple adulterous affairs and an attempt to get one of his ex-wives to agree to an open marriage. And the Newt who had to resign the Speakership because of multiple ethics investigations and the fact that it was obvious he was about to take the Republican Party over a cliff with him.

I know, I know, this was about standing up to the establishment and not letting them force Willard “Fraudy McFakerson” Romney on you guys. Sure thing guys. What better way to stick it to the establishment than to vote for the former Speaker of the House and Washington lobbyist Newt Gingrich AKA: “Mr. Outsider?”

Hey, I’m not complaining at all. I really love the new “Sassy” South Carolina look. I like the short dresses, the plunging necklines, the heavy drinking and smoking and even the jeans so tight on the guys they create that sexy bulge. I mean sure, it’s going to take some getting used to, but I agree that this new look is going to be great for you.

But, there are a couple things I need to ask you about. Now that a candidate for president’s moral character, past transgressions and down-right bizarre behavior no longer matter, should we go back and fix a few things? Maybe go back and give a few people a retroactive pass for their mistakes? I mean, it’s only fair right?

Let’s start by asking Mark Sanford if he’d like to be shadow governor of South Carolina. And, make sure he understands that he can go visit his muy caliente Argentinian girlfriend anytime he wants. He kind of did get run out of office and forced not to run for reelection after that whole thing. And, since those kinds of actions no longer matter, let’s make it up to him.

Oh and Eliot Spitzer is free to head up to Albany, NY and hang out with Gov. Cuomo up there. He can kind of be like the “Co-Governor” or something like that. No real power, but a nice title and his once very promising political career should be completely restored. And, when he runs for President in 2016 or 2020, there will be no mentions of his dalliances with prostitutes, right South Carolina? Remember, moral character no longer matters.

You know what. I just thought of something. You guys aren’t going to just suddenly up and go back to that whole “value voters” shit as soon as Newt is finished off either in the GOP primaries or in the general election are you? If you think about it, that would be a really dirty thing to do. Way beneath you guys. What’s that? You’re not? You promise? Oaky then, that’s great!  

Oh BTW, South Carolina and other republicans now supporting Newt Gringrich. Now that you’ve decided not to worry with morality anymore, you’ll have to go ahead and drop all opposition to Gay Marriage. HEY! I don’t make the rules, but there’s really no other choice. I know that’s gonna be a tough one to swallow, but it’s only fair.

Anyway, once again, love the new look South Carolina!

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

--

In other news, on Saturday’s I’m With Stupid podcast, Matt-Man and Jayman laid out a very thoughtful, well thought out argument as to Why Women Suck. In fact, we made such a compelling argument, that even our hecklers on Twitter finally had to concede we were right. Well, not publicly or anything like that. No woman would ever admit to being wrong publicly.

Also remember that we will be on again doing some Show Prep and other stuff on Wednesday at 11 AM ET and then next Saturday we’ll be back again at 11 PM ET to talk about Why Men Suck cause we’re fair like that.

Anyway, please listen to our “Why Women Suck” episode and let’s see if we can’t drive this show right to the top of BTR’s ratings! And as always, thank you so much for your continued support. We love each and every one of you. 


Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

I'm With Stupid Babe of the Week: Callista Gingrich

Move over Jackie-O...You're yesterday's glamour girl Michelle...

There's about to be a new babe about to be redecorating the White House in 2013.

Callista Gingrich.


Damn right, Bitches. Newt saved the best for probably what is to be his last wife, and Callista Gingrich III is smoking hot.

Callista Gingrich is classy, lithe, and has the dreamiest eyes I have ever seen...


Callista is carefree, open to all things, and yet with one look can steal a guy's soul heart...


Oh yeah... Politics can be cold, callous, and calculating at times, but Callista Gingrich adds a soft touch to the entire Presidential race this year, and because of that, she is the IWS Babe of the Week.

Cheers Callista!!

email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
twitter: @mattmaniws

Friday, January 20, 2012

Matt Said, Jay Said XXII


מאט מדבר, מדבר ג'יי, אתה מקשיב.

Matt: “Thank you for calling our happy home, Matt speaking.”
Jay: “Hi drunk, I’m Matt.”
Matt: “My God man, the sun hasn’t even set!”
Jay: “Is that a problem?”
Matt: “Don’t you have any social graces?”
Jay: “I reject society’s arbitrary unwritten rules.”
Matt: “I guess I just come from a better class of people.”
Jay: “You and Willard Romney.”
Matt: “Noooo … The Romney’s are so uncouth, I’m more like the Rothschild’s”

Matt: “We have a new mascot down at the Beer Mine.”
Jay: “Oh really? Is it of the blow up variety?”
Matt: “You sick fuck. No, it’s a stray cat who has adopted us.”
Jay: “Awwww how sweet.”
Matt: “She is sweet. I named her ‘Depot’ in honor of the name of the Mine.”
Jay: “That’s pretty clever. Did you get her some cat food?”
Matt: “Oh yeah, she’s got a food and water dish.”
Jay: “Does she have a little bed to sleep on.”
Matt: “Yup, she sleeps in the bathroom at night.”
Jay: “Cool. I can’t stand to see animals suffer.”
Matt: “Me neither.”


Jay: “Last Saturday’s show finally showed up in the rankings.”
Matt: “I know, but I still think we’re getting screwed.”
Jay: “You know, I was thinking.”
Matt: “Jay, beer thoughts are usually bad thoughts.”
Jay: “No, no this is good.”
Matt: “Alright.”
Jay: “You’ve got over 300 ‘friends’ on Facebook, right?”
Matt: “Yeah, and I know where you’re going here.”
Jay: “Combined we have like 500 friends.”
Matt: “And if they all just HIT PLAY we would move further up the board.”
Jay: “And get more exposure resulting in even MORE plays.”
Matt: “They wouldn’t even have to listen if they didn’t want to.”
Jay: “Exactly! Even though they should cause we’re fucking funny.”
Matt: “Oh hell yes. But, they could listen once, and then just play a second time.”
Jay: “Right, even I don’t listen to us twice.”
Matt: “Noooo ... Usually I turn it on and say ‘Shut up assholes!’”
Jay: “Yeah, I yell ‘Not these fucking guys again!’ at the computer.”
Matt: “Anyway, hitting #1 once would be cool.”
Jay: “I know. And those 9 or 10 shows ahead of us all suck.”
Matt: “Have you listened to them?”
Jay: “No. I’m just bitter because I’ve never been #1 in anything.”
Matt: “No more beer for you.”
Jay: “Why?”
Matt: “Because you’re drinking SADdweiser.”

Jay: “What are we talking about on Saturday’s show?”
Matt: “Why women suck?”
Jay: “That’s perfect. A couple more beers and I’ll have enough material by myself.”
Matt: “Okay Jay, that’s really enough drinking for today.”
Jay: “You’re not my mother.”
Matt: “Time to take a nap.”
Jay: “I don’t need a nap.”
Matt: “No, I was talking about me.”
Jay: “Oh! Nite, nite.”
Matt: “Goodnight.”

So there you go folks. Genius in action. Also, don’t forget to listen to I’m With Stupid on Saturday at 11 PM ET as we talk about Why Women Suck!

Anda Dibayar Untuk Terjemahkan Subtitles Film dan Buku !


Pembaca, ada satu kesempatan bagi siapa saja di seluruh dunia termasuk Indonesia untuk menggunakan waktu lowongnya.

Perusahaan ini akan membayar anda untuk setiap terjemahan baik berupa subtitles film, buku dan text documents.

Pembayaran akan dilakukan setelah hasil terjemahan anda di audit dan dinyatakan layak.

Untuk mencobanya silahkan daftarkan diri anda secara online di PaidOnlineTranslator. Selamat mencoba dan mendulang uang !

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Akibat Jika WC Pria dan Wanita Terlalu Berdekatan !







karya gif yang luar biasa !

Johnny Vegas Picks the Conference Championship Games

Hola Gamblers! Johnny Vegas, IWS’ sports handicapping expert here to fire a perfect spiral of advice that hits you right between the numbers for a big score once again! As you may recall, last weekend I lit up the scoreboard by going 2-2 against the spread and 4-0 in picks straight up. Not too shabby!

It’s time for the conference championships which means there’s no more time to fool around. This is it baby! Winners go to the Super Bowl! And, the NFL has served up a couple of pretty tasty treats for us gamblers to nibble at. So let’s get right to it, shall we? As always, the favorite is in all caps.

AFC Championship: Baltimore +7.5 @ NEW ENGLAND:  Well kids, I think we all pretty much new all season long that this is where these two teams were going to end up. And to most this looks like a really tough match up with the potential for an upset. But, that’s why you need an expert like me. I make it my business to know how to see past the forest for the trees. And not just any trees, but the ones the money grows on baby.

After hours and hours of research and crunching the numbers, in my professional opinion, Ravens QB Joe Flacco plays like doggie doo-doo on the road. Now, I know this analysis flies in the face of conventional wisdom which tells us that Flacco is a mentally tough elite QB who can deal with all levels of adversity. But, I’m here to tell ya that just might not be the case.

So, even though 7.5 points seems like a lot, I think you can safely take New England to cover with ease as Tom Brady racks up big numbers throwing to Welker underneath most of the day and then catches the world by surprise by hitting Chad Ochocinco deep a couple of times.

NFC Championship: NY Football Giants +2.5 @ SAN FRANCISCO: And here are the two teams that very few people expected to see playing each other this weekend. Well, except for me, of course. This is why you should listen to me. I was all over these two teams last week, and I’m all over this game this week.  

You can pretty much just toss the line out on this one. It’s basically a pick ‘em game and may officially be by game time. For most people this is a tough game to pick. The Giants are riding the wave right now and appear destined for a Super Bowl XLII rematch with the Patriots and two full weeks of interviews with the entire fucking Manning clan, reminders that Tom Brady is married to Gisele Bundchen and replays of David Tyree’s catch. I can’t wait.

And, here’s something I’ve uncovered in my research. In games that kick off in late afternoons on the West Coast, in shitty stadiums against teams from cities with a large gay population Eli Manning plays a very relaxed style and is great at hooking up with receivers, backs and tight ends. Weird, right? But, the facts are the facts and I think it’s just impossible to overlook how happy Eli seems to be playing in cities in front of a lot of gays. Therefore, take the Giants to blow through the Niners and head on into the Super Bowl as they continue to surge. Hell, if they win a second Super Bowl, someone will probably erect a statue of Eli Manning.

Alright, there you kids. And, as always, if you’re desperate and pathetic enough to take gambling advice from someone on a website named “I’m With Stupid” then you deserve to end up being featured in a local news story about how your gambling addiction cost you your family, house job and car.
--
In other news, on Wednesday’s edition of I’m With Stupid podcast Matt-Man and Jayman absolutely DESTROYED the bad internet censorship bills SOPA and PIPA and the government-loving, liberty-hating people who support those bills. I highly recommend you listen as it was a truly great show.


Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Prime Minister of Turkey Bastes Gov. Rick Perry

Merhaba and  Günaydın to you.

This is Turkish Prime Minister, Recep Tayyip Erdogan for I’m With Stupid.  Why is the Prime Minister of a country of nearly 80 Million people vocabularizing on this medium, you ask?

Well listen as I tell you…One American GOP candidate for President, Rick Perry, says that we are but a Muslim-ruled alarmist and terrorist nation.

When we objected to his words to the U.S. Department of State, we were brushed off by an official statement that read…

“Don’t worry your pretty, little, whirling dervished heads about what Rick Perry says; he’s a fucking moron.”

Frankly and grammatically, I was behooven to put finger to type pad and contact someone…indeed, anyone…who in America would listen to us, and allow me to speak upon behalf of our ecru-colored peoples.

Mr. Perry says that my nation of Turkey should receive no U.S. aid because we are a nation of Islamic terrorists.

Allow me to explain to Mr. Drugstore Cowboy, who in shoe-shined boots, shoots cooped up birds at a ranch probably named in honor of his and his daddy’s dalliances, that we Turks, have for sixty years, been a friend to the West and more importantly, to the United States.

Let me tell you something Perry…Toward the end of World War II we entered on the side of the Allies.

During the Cold War, we told the Soviets to bring it, because we knew they wouldn’t, ‘cause we are Turks.

During the Korean Conflict, we fought along side of you, bled with you, and ate shit-canned WW II rations with you, and we as allies…Turks, Aussies, Brits, and Americans, together gunned down much of the shallow gene pool that was to become Kim Jong Il.

In 1952 we had asked for, and were granted, a membership into NATO.  Turkey became the lynchpin and the keystone for keeping the USSR from gaining a iron foothold in the Middle East.  And what do we get in return from you, Mr. Perry?  That’s right…

Heartache.

I know.  I know…You Mr. Perry, like many Americans, have this, balls to the wailing walls feeling for Israel and all of her “vast greatness” as a place of Middle East democracy and God Given benevolence, however…

Many of us in Turkey distrust the State of Israel, what with her illegal capture of some of our Turks recently, and Israel’s attack on the U.S.S. Liberty in 1967; we would rather just simply ignore Israel, all the while seeing Palestine being granted her own state.

And allow me to ask you this, Mr. Perry…If Israel is such a great and glorious democracy , how come America is still spoon-feeding her a couple of billion dollars a year.  Should not that foreign aid end as well, if you guys are so strapped?

Oh my goodness gracious, Mr. Perry.  You claim, we as Turks are rattling scimitars, and going beyond the pale as we as a country explore our future and examine who we want to be.  And, maybe we are changing from the country of Ataturk into something different, however…

We may be changing into a national version of you, and demonstrating exactly what it is that you, if we were a Jewish State, would like and support…

We like you, may want our democracy to someday, become a theocracy, but with one glaring difference.

We are doing it because for many in our nation our faith tells us to, not because that is what the Presidential polls tell us to do.

And Mr. Perry with the South Carolina Primary quickly approaching, and in all of your brief and xenophobic less-than-glory, I utter to you the words that Ataturk said years ago…

“As they have come, so they will go.”

Don’t let the door of obscurity and ignorance hit you on the ass, Rick.

Sincerely,
Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Prime Minister

email:   neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

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