Y‘know?
Jayman and I have been website and internet radio partners for over a year now, and I love the guy, however…
His post yesterday about how skinny chicks get crapped on by men and women in life, and specifically, within the spider web of drunken neurons and itchy “Enter” key fingers that is social media, left me feeling a bit empty…a bit…I dunno….
Feeling like I had gone to a fine restaurant and all I got was a salad and bowl of luke warm consommé.
I hungered for a counterpoint after reading Jay’s articulations and assertions on how fine, sexy, and healthy, thin chicks are.
Let me tell you right now folks…I dig fat chicks.
Fat, voluptuous, thick, broad across the beam…no matter what you want to call these ladies of larger proportions, I am down with the mounds of ground round that are the big chicks.
I like the bigger broads for a myriad of reasons. Allow me to ’splain….
I am a hemophiliac, and having sex with a skinny chick could result in some serious set backs for me. For instance…
Back in 2005, Kate Moss wanted to have sex with me. She was cute and funny and all that, but I could foresee myself bangin’ away on her, and then one of her ribs piercing my skin, and puncturing my lung.
My kid seeing the coroner’s pictures of me in my, gasping for air, non-coagulating, swimming in the gruel of forced vomitization from Kate’s last supper of a Kalamata olive death, is not the impression I would like him to be left with…so I passed.
No, my friends, I dig thick chicks. They have plenty to offer.
The first thing that comes to mind is that they are obviously comfortable in their own skin. If they weren’t, the wouldn’t have so much of it. I do like a chick who exudes that, “take me as I am” attitude, with a smile and a body as big as the Montana sky.
With big chicks, sex is never a problem…You can have sex anywhere, anytime. I’m not talking public places folks; I’m talking places on their bodies. Holy Cow!!
So many folds, so little time.
Hell, you can be dry humping her leg, find a crevice, and the next thing you know, you swollen manhood has been swallowed up by the Whore of Cellulite. It doesn’t do much for her libido, but man oh man, does your prostate feel better after that seminal explosion.
And what’s great? Even though it didn’t do much for her, her post-femur-coital reply is…
“Glad you feel better, honey…turn on the football game, and I’ll order pizza. I‘m starving.”
Oh yeahhhhhhhhh. What would a skinny bitch say after something like that?
“Godammit you bastard…You shot your load all over me, and now instead of weighing 101.8 pounds, I weigh 102.2...Where’s the Syrup of Ipecac? I need to toss some bile.”
Another thing…Big chicks have the cutest faces. Seriously, you men out there…how many times have you said to yourself…“Damn she’s cute…too bad she’s a biggin’.” Uh-huh… I know, so don’t lie.
Actually all chicks rawwwwwk…
Thin, thick, black, white, etc, etc. all of them rock… Well…many, but not all, because say what you will ladies, there are as many of you that are assholes as there men who are; stupid knows no gender.
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
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