Hola Bitches!
Jayman here, and I’m going to help get you ready for Thanksgiving. I know you’re thinking “Hey, that’s not until Thursday.” Well, that’s true, but you can never start preparing soon enough. There is just so much to do. So many decisions to make. So many plans. So much time needed to sit and watch old Thanksgiving episodes of Giada de Laurentiis on Food Network.
What? Who else you gonna watch? Sandra Lee? She probably uses turkey meat from a can and mixes it with ranch dressing and some spices in a food processer and then molds it into the form of a turkey. Rachael Ray? I doubt she even cooks her own turkey. Ina Garten? She probably gets some fancy custom made free range hybrid organic turkey flown in FROM TURKEY.
The first thing you have to do is count how many people you’re feeding. We’ll be doing Thanksgiving for three here at the Jayman Estates and I’ll be cooking most of it. Once you know how many you have to decide what time. We’re going to shoot for an early afternoon lunch. Somewhere around 1:30 ish.
Now you have to set the menu. Turkey? Or Turkey Breast? Or no turkey at all and instead have pork roast, ham, goose, duck or red meat? We’re going with turkey breast because that’s what everyone else wants. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m into dark meat, but I like to just go along so turkey breast it is. Side dishes will be mashed potatoes (not sweet potatoes, but some people like that crap), stuffing that will be brought by our guest as well as her candied yams (whatever the hell those are) asparagus and pea casserole (others go with green bean instead), cranberry sauce and of course some dinner rolls.
And wine. You don’t want to screw up the wine choice. Don’t be a cheapskate on this one. I recommend going with a good Merlot or maybe even a top quality Red Zinfandel. I know most people will get Cabernets, but I don’t really like Cabs. Also, I don’t like to follow all those snooty “rules” about which wine goes with which foods. Just so long as you get good wine, you’ll be okay.
Simple, yet delicious menu. Although I’m still looking around to see if there is something else I should add to it. Like Nachos or something good like that.
Next we have dessert. This one is always tough because people like what they like and don’t do much compromising on desserts. We’re going with Apple Pie (frozen, not homemade) and some Vanilla Ice Cream to go with it. A lot of people prefer to be all traditional and shit and go with Pumpkin Pie. My mother loves Pecan Pie, but she wants to wait and have one on Christmas. See, you gotta think these things through and make some tough decisions.
As you can see, all the tough decisions have to be made in advance. With proper preparation, you can make Thanksgiving Day go smoothly. The only things you have to worry about is making sure you don’t have all your side dishes sitting around getting cold while you’re waiting for the turkey to get done, or vice versa. And, you have more time to decide when the big family fight will break out. Don’t want that to happen too early in the day.
Of course, if you don’t want to do any of this you could always just go to Shoney’s.
OH one other thing! Another great tip would be for you to listen to our Thanksgiving Preview Show from Saturday. It was another 45 minutes of pure comedy and Thanksgiving GOLD! Especially when Sunshine State Shirley, Mike and Mrs. Mike all called in. How much fun would they be at T-Giving dinner? I’m guessing a hell of a lot more fun than your family.
So check it out! We thank you so very much for listening and telling all your friends about us. You guys rock!
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