Hola Bitches! Well, he did it again. Tim Tebow led his Denver Broncos to another unlikely win. This time, he did it on the big stage of the NFL playoffs and against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Nobody thought the Broncos had a chance in hell of even staying close. Well, nobody except Tim Tebow and yours truly. I told the Matt-Man on Friday that the Broncos had a chance. And, as so often is the case, I was right.
I got to thinking about all the Tebow hate and have come to a conclusion that it goes much deeper than what most people think. Generally people in the media and sports fans simply say that the Tebow hate is because of how he is so public about his religious beliefs. Many people say that Tebow hate is actually hatred against ALL Christians.
While there certainly is some backlash against his very public Christian beliefs, I don’t think disliking him means someone hates ALL Christians. In fact, for a lot of people I think it’s more personal. Not personal about Tim, but personal about themselves. See, everything always seems to work out great for Tim Terrific. And for most people, well, things don’t work out well. At least, we don’t feel like they do. So, when we see someone who seems always get the lucky break, we get jealous.
That’s right kids. Tim Tebow is the NFL’s Ferris Bueller (with a better set of ethics and morals) and we’re all Cameron just sitting there staring at him trying to figure out how it is that EVERYTHING always works out for him.
So, I think it would be great to create a reality TV show just following Tim around all day long as amazing things constantly happen to him. It would get huge ratings because people who love him AND the people who hate him would all watch. The Tebow Lovers will be thrilled and amazed at Tim’s great life and the haters will be driven to drink and spiral further and further into self-hatred and despair.
Here’s what an average day would be like for Tim Tebow…
- Tim will be running late in the morning, but amazingly there will be some Krispy Kreme Donuts on the counter. How lucky is that? And, as he’s driving to the stadium for practice, every single traffic light will turn green.
- He goes to Target to get some jeans. Unfortunately, they don’t have anything with inseam longer than 36” and Tim needs 38”. Of course, being Tim he was cool with this and decided to check out their shirts. While he was doing that, an employee comes by and restocks the jeans shelf and there are two pairs of jeans with 38” inseam! So awesome!
- Tim then goes to Best Buy to look at plasma TVs. He finds one he thinks is perfect, but it’s really expensive and buying it would be way to showy for a guy like him. Suddenly, an employee walks by and puts a “Today Only! 60% Off” sign on top of the plasma TV he wanted. So, he gets an amazing bargain!
- By this time it’s snowing heavily in Denver, so Tim has to be very careful driving home. But, amazingly enough just as he turns onto the road that goes to his neighborhood he sees the snow plow is in front him, so he just pulls in behind it and has a much safer drive home than it would have been.
- Tim gets home, hooks up his new TV, turns it on and Gilmore Girls is on! While watching Gilmore Girls Tim gets hungry but then realizes he forgot to go to the store and he has absolutely nothing good to eat in the house. Right at that moment, Lindsay Vonn shows up with a freaking pizza.
There you have it folks. It isn’t just football that works out for Tim all the time. Every single thing in Tim’s life works out in mysterious ways. That’s what every episode would be. Just following Tebow around while he lives his perfect freaking life and everyone at home either celebrates or gets really pissed off.
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