Everything Just Sucks

Hola y’all. You know, back in the day, like a month or so ago, I was a pretty positive person. No matter how bad things looked or seemed, I always just felt like we would all muddle through and things would improve and eventually be okay. Those days are over though.

Everything sucks and it just isn’t going to get any better. We’re in free fall and there isn’t a big air bag to land on and save us. Every single thing that happens is for the worse, not just the big stuff like bad economic numbers, college presidents, athletic directors and coaches covering a child rape scandal or mass shootings either. Nothing is getting any better.

In a comment on the amazing Jo’s blog a couple of weeks ago I said this:

“I don't think people are running out of compassion, I just think the people without any are the ones we hear from the most.” 

Why the hell would I write such bullshit? I mean, it’s quite obviously not true. People in general are way less compassionate then they used to be. I guess maybe I was just trying to be positive and pretend like we’re not going to shit as a people. And worse than that, most people seem to be bragging about their lack of compassion, not to mention bragging about being shitty family members, shitty friends, shitty parents and just shitty all-around people. Being shitty is suddenly something to be proud of.

President Obama may not lack compassion, but he does look as though he is fairly comfortable with unemployment above 8% and poverty rates near record levels for the foreseeable future. Oh yeah, I forgot, it’s ALL the other side’s fault. Speaking of the other side, Mitt Romney, a man who lies with every breath he takes, doesn’t even try to hide is contempt and hatred for those “regular Americans.” You know, the people Sarah Palin claims to represent.

And wasn’t it special seeing America’s White Trash Sweetheart’s three year old grandson call his Aunt a “Faggot” on Bristol Palin’s reality show? Yes, yes it was. What’s that? Oh, Bristol insists that Tripp didn’t say “Faggot” but instead said “Fuck it,” and that she’s not “proud” of what he said. That’s makes it all okay. Also, Bristol is apparently unaware of this new invention in the entertainment industry called “editing” where they take things you’re not “proud” of out of the final product.

Of course how you feel about all that depends on the political party you are a member of. Everyone must go to their favorite partisan blogs to find out how they feel about Tripp Palin’s potty mouth and everything else in the world. EVERY-THING from politics to sports to movies, to television to music to books to anything else you can think of can only be discussed in partisan political terms. There are two extreme positions to choose from, white or black and that’s it. No gray areas allowed.

We don’t need context for Obama’s “you didn’t build that” comment or Ann Romney’s “you people” line. We know what they meant. They meant what we desperately wanted them to mean and it confirms our dislike of them and makes us feel better about our views. Any evidence that we’re wrong is met with anger. We will not tolerate having our world view challenged.

But, don’t worry y’all. All summer long President Obama and Mitt Romney will keep telling us that we’re all exceptional just by virtue of being Americans. So, at least we’ve got that going for us.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

IWS Babe of the Week...It's Raining Men

It’s Sunday , so it’s IWS Babe of the Week Day, however…

We’re changing it up a bit and giving the ladies a little eye candy this Sunday, because on today’s IWS radio show at Noon ET, Matt-Man and Jayman will be asking:

“What Do Women Want?”

Perhaps some of you women enjoy refined, dignified, and more than slightly experienced uber-men like Sean Connery…

Or, perhaps some women go all 180 and prefer a pretty little, wo-man-teen-boy like Justin Bieber…

Then again…

Maybe you like a sense of humor, so you opt for a caring, yet funny man, like Chris Rock…

Or these two funny guys…

Some women, like many men, are turned on by scholarly types, like Stephen Hawking…

Or of course, America’s Libertarian genius, Glenn Beck…

Some women, shallowly like to hear whatever they want, and in that case, Mitt Romney is a fine choice…

Of course, some women like the bad boy types and want to hang out with sexy criminals who are trying to destroy America, like this foreign-born terrorist…

Then again, some women just want plain, down to Earth, sexy like George Clooney…

What’s not to like?  He’s cool.

But in order to find out what women truly want in a man, you need to join us live on IWS Radio today at Noon ET, as Matt and Jay ask, “What Do Women Want?”

It’s gonna be a huge show, so ladies…you better have your Glenn Beck/Stephen Hawking loving asses listening and calling in at 661.244.9852, and tell us what you want.

Until today at Noon ET…

Cheers!!
.

Obama and Gay Marriage...The President Comes Out of the Closet

Happy Presidentially Endorsed Gay Marriage Thursday to one and all!!

Cum stained man panties are a-heavin’ and the lip stick marred bras are a-flyin’ today because President Obama announced on Wednesday that he is fully behind, and pushing for the rights of gays across America to nuptialize.

Or something.

I mean, well…that’s what good Christians, right-wing neo-tards, and James Dobson would have you believe.

However…

When President Obama came out of the political closet of cowardice yesterday, and announced that he wanted to “affirm” his belief in Gay Marriage after years of tap dancing around the issue, he freaked many God fearing Christians out.

Because as the God-Fearing Christians know, once gays are given reassurance that the head of the most powerful country on Earth says, “Go forth and marry”…

Gays everywhere will take that as a free pass to move from having sex in the quasi-private security of public park restrooms and homos everywhere will teabag each other on Main Street U.S.A., as The Indigo Girls recite excerpts from love letters sent from Alice Toklas to Gertrude Stein while strumming porn score power chords in D Flat Minor.

You know what I say to that line of thinking?  Of course you don’t, or I wouldn’t have written this, but I digress…

There are far too many Americans who think that intelligent, gay adults are nothing more than sex machines in search of little kids with which to have sex when there are no other intelligent, gay adults with which to have sex.

In the minds of more than a handful of Americans, gays are nothing more than the perverse embodiment of the Devil.

Blow Me, Oh Righteous Ones!!

The idiotic, far right-wing Conservative nut jobs who are afraid of Gay Marriage are the same ones who see black helicopters casting shadows of government infiltration upon their day to day lives…Who nebulously claim government has become too big, and who scream..

“Obama is a Socialist”, all the while cashing their Social Security checks, in order to drive a well-built and bailed-out Cadillac while transiting the Interstate Highway system, in order to roam around National Parks such as Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon, or the Battlefield at Yorktown.

See?

Liberals and Conservative both enjoy the bounty of a nation that is rife with national interest, history,  and endowments, but…there is a difference. And this gay marriage issue seems to apply the yellow highlighter of difference upon these two schools of thought.

In my world, I consider myself to be a Liberal because I believe that every opportunity for personal growth, affection, knowledge, and happiness should be applied and reasonably given to all.  If it is not, what is the purpose of living here, in fact, what would be the purpose of being an American?

Some Conservatives would say, “I agree with you, but that does not apply to the God Given rite of marriage.”

My answer goes back to the Declaration of Independence.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

And seriously?

If a woman loves another woman or a man loves another man, and they just want to live together with the protection that a legal contract such as marriage or a civil union provides…how the hell does that affect you?

Uh-huh…It doesn’t.  So…

Throw some rice for the gay couples and leave your presents at the door.

I hope Jayman and I are recognized for our work in this area.  You see…

It was only hours after yesterday’s IWS Radio Show in which we chastised Obama for lacking the courage to come out in favor of gay marriage, that he did.  Once again, the power of IWS in full force.

If you didn’t catch the magic live, you can listen to it here:

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

Heather Childers Has Fox News Style Thoughts

Holaaaaaa Conspiracy Theorists! Well, someone got loose from Fox News again this week. “Straight” news chick Heather Childers found a really juicy story on one of those right-wing conspiracy websites that she thought Fox views needed to hear about. But, since the story is laughably moronic, she had to play it the Fox News way.

Instead of saying it was interesting or it needed to be investigates she just asked for everyone’s “thoughts” that Obama had threatened to kill Chelsea Clinton if Bill or Hillary told anyone Barack was born in Kenya. Apparently asking for “thoughts’ on Twitter is the equivalent to repeating an internet rumor on air with Fox News’ patented “Some people have said…”

So, here are some other conspiracies and bullshit stories that Fox News anchors want their viewers to hear about, but they can’t actually talk about on air…

@BretBaier: “Story: Barack Obama fathered two black kids.” Thoughts?

@JulieBanderas: “Source: Hillary Clinton pregnant with Vlad Putin’s love child.” Thoughts?

@GretchenCarlson: “NBA star admits Obama likes to move hard left.” Thoughts?

@SteveDoocey: “Reports: Former high ranking Kenyan official: ‘Obama born in Uganda’” Thoughts?

@NeilCavuto: “Wall Street Journal proves conclusively Mitt Romney is barely even Middle Class.” Thoughts?

@AlisynCamerota: “Rick Santorum: ‘Cali universities no longer teach American History’” Thoughts?*

@CarlCameron: “Owner of gay bar in Sheboygan: ‘Obama is gay, he was a regular here!’” Thoughts?

@MonicaCrowley: “Shocker! First Lady Michelle ‘beat the shit out of’ Dennis Kucinich” Thoughts?

@EricBolling: “Sources: Joe Biden to get new hair plugs before the election.” Thoughts?

@LindaChavez: “Story: Obama plans an elite Blacks Only federal police force in second term.” Thoughts?

@JudgeNapolitano: “Sources: Obama wants to expand Supreme Court to 21 members in second term.” Thoughts?

And that’s just the stories they were pushing this morning. Very sincere apologies will be coming tomorrow for their “inappropriate” tweeting of “rumors” but they got the word out.

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

*Actually, Santorum DID make that claim.

--

In other news, Wednesday’s “One and Done” episode of I’m With Stupid covered a lot of ground. Jayman talked about his great victory over DiGiorno Pizza, but his frustration with some other Social Media sites. There was a little TMI, and then Matt-Man shared some thoughts on people ordering virtual strangers to “accept” Jesus into their lives. Then short discussions about Mitt Romney’s big(ish) wins on Tuesday and Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino’s motorcycle accident. Then, we launched a few Molotov Mocktails.

All that and so much more so check us out! You’ll be happy you did! 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

State fo the Union Insta-Analysis

Hola y’all and welcome to my expert analysis of the State of the Union address. I’ll be firing away at the O-Man throughout the speech and then post this raw and unedited. Well, I might edit it some, but I won’t change my reactions to the idiotic things Obama is going to say.

Also, it’s my understanding that Indian Governor Mitch Daniels will be giving the Republican Response tonight. I won’t include him since I get to make fun of republicans three times a week when they debate. But, I will say I’m so happy that Newt’s success has allowed Gov. Daniels to make a comeback and forced everyone to go back to pretending he’s not a fucking weirdo.

Okay, everyone’s in the building! LET’S DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!

Ahem. He’s taking his time getting to the podium. I guess I’ll have another beer.

Whoa! That wasn’t a “FRIENDZONE” hug he just gave Gabby Giffords.

John Boehner is still the darkest man in the room.

Okay, here we go.  … DRINK!!

I honestly thought there was at least an outside chance Obama would show up wearing a glittery jacket and just do lounge songs. No such luck. Apparently he’s gonna be all serious about this shit.

The State of the Union is? … Strong? Not fucking hardly dude.

Opening by praising the military and reminding everyone he had Bin Laden killed. If you don’t applaud you hate America more than Obama does.

“An economy built to last, where hard work pays off, and responsibility is rewarded.” – Pfffffft. Yeah right.

“… a blueprint for an economy that’s built to last – an economy built on American manufacturing, American energy, skills for American workers, and a renewal of American values.”– Yeah, I think that horse has already left the barn buddy.

I’m glad I didn’t tell you guys to drink every time he uses the word “responsibility.” That would have been down-right irresponsible of me.

Lots of talk of “tax equity.” It’s almost as if he expects to run against Romney in the fall.

I wonder if any republican will use the words “Class Warfare” to describe Obama’s speech.

If I ever attend a SotU I’m going to bring a laser pointer with me to see if I can freak out the Secret Service.

Let’s break for a little song and dance routine from Shakira…

General Moters is #1 again and Mitt Romney is a big fat poopy head!

“What’s happening in Detroit can happy anywhere. Cleveland. Pittsburgh.” – IT ALREADY HAS!!

We’re still talking about the auto industry. We get it. You got one right. Thanks. Let’s move on.

A Trade Enforcement Unit! We’re gonna let China have it! Finally. Maybe. We’ll see.

1^st Human Interest Story: “Jayman is a guy who is fast becoming a HUGE internet celebrity, yet he still has no groupies. My administration will NOT LET THIS STAND! We’re going to assign some of the daughters of legal age of Newt and Bill Clinton’s groupies to him. It’s only fair.”

“Unemployment, Reemployment, ME-employment.”

If we had done something about immigration reform when we should have, Mitt Romney’s family never would have moved here from Mexico! 

John Kerry looks like our economy!

“Blah, blah, blah … Energy strategy.” Yeah, yeah whatever. Justified comes on in 20 minutes. Pick up the pace.

Transportation projects! Does this mean his going to fix my car?

Oh great. Now he wants to fix the mortgage crisis that he could have fixed already but caved to both dems and repubs in ’09 on fixing the bankruptcy bill.

Obama keeps saying he “won’t go back.” That’s great, but he isn’t going forward either.

Joe Biden either has a cold and keeps eating lozenges or he has a very serious Vicodin habit.

The debt, taxes and other shit. I’m not gonna lie. I’m running out of energy here.

Sorry, I had to take a break to give Christine O’Donnell some shit on Twitter.

Now, it’s mostly “republicans suck.” I forget, is this an election year?

“You can call it ‘Class Warfare’ all you want.” – GOP response: You’re on!

How fucking long is this speech? GAWD!

Has Obama updated us on Demi Moore’s condition?

IRAN!!

ISRAEL!!

And yeah, that’s pretty much it. More military is great, America is great stuff you’ve heard before and will again. Okay, that’s it, I’m going to watch Justified now. Thanks!

Jayman
email: jayman3768@gmail.com
twitter: @Jayman_IWS 

State of the Union Address 2012: Why Bother?

Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States…

And the joint Congress and American public go, “Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.”

Sad.

But the sadness…disinterest…malaise…or just plain, “What the fuck ever”, feeling is not without an understandable reason.

Tonight, during the State of the Union Address President Obama will say in some form or fashion as all President’s before him have said…

“The State of the Union is strong.”

Well, in my opinion, the State of the Union is far from strong, in fact, it sucks. And, I’m not talking about our economy, or our stature in the eyes of the world. I’m talking about us.

I’m talking about us as a nation of people who over the years have defeated an empire, have come together like none other, and now, after nearly 236 years of this great nation’s existence…

We argue over whether a woman has private and personal control over her own body, if a spouse has the right to let his spouse die in a dignified way, or if we should attack a country such as Iran whose military prowess is along the lines of the paper tiger that was Hussein’s Iraq.

Our nation has so many problems…from our debt, to reliance on foreign oil, to unemployment, to trying to find our markets and international place in the 21st Century.

And yet, when looking for a President and leader in our 2012 election cycle, what do many Americans look toward to guide their choice?

American History? The Constitution? Or perhaps, Common Sense? Noooooooo…

Many Americans find their safe harbors via the lighthouse of the media beacons that are MSNBC, FOX News, and some whacked out manchicks named Rachel Maddow and/or Sean Hannity among others.

Unfortunately, they seem to be the catalytic minority, and…they are what fuel the misfiring engine that is the do nothing government that we seem to have these days. Politicians want one thing, and that one thing is not to help America, it is to get reelected.

And in order to secure that end game, legislators agree with tiny minded folks, and no matter what, feed the electorate with what they want to hear in order to accomplish their unending, monetarily satisfying tenure within the once great halls of Congress.

Seriously, Mr. and/or Mrs. American Voter…you suck.

Choosing a President, taking the ten minutes it takes to vote, and actually researching who and why you want to vote for him or her has become such a chore. Because? Thinking takes time.

Millions of Americans listen to Limbaugh, Hannity, Maddow, and Olbermann because they would rather not think for themselves. They are too busy ordering pizza , texting a friend about how their spouse hates them, or playing Farmville on Facebook as they experience the virtual birth of a calf…

Gimme a break. It’s because of the laziness of the American voter that we in 2012, are left with a field of Presidential candidates of Romney, Gingrich, Santorum, Paul, and Obama.

In 1800 and 1804, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson went head to head in the Presidential election, and in 2012..?

We will have either Romney or Gingrich up against Obama.

Adams and Jefferson debated over the future course this country would take in order to make our then nascent nation more successful, and 200 and some years later?

No matter who the GOP picks to represent their party, the General Election debate will center on not who will make this country greater, but rather who will make this nation less than it already has become.

Ironically, it is our forefathers who set us upon this path with the birth of herd mentality political parties. However...

While they saw political parties merely as schools of thought, Americans today see them as political Cliff Notes, and comfortable, totalitarian schools of non-thought.

Americans today don’t have time to read the entire virtual biography that a candidate may put forth; they merely want to gaze, and listen to it briefly upon 24/7 cable news, and then like Pavlov’s dogs, obediently nod their heads, and wag their tails to what they know, and agree…or bark at the screen when they don’t.

After all, thinking takes time, and there are X-Box games to be played, spouses to cheat upon, and other who are unlike you and I to mock.

I wonder about our country, and when I do , I wonder about Ben Franklin.

He drank…He loooved the ladies…He smoked…He, like an idiot, stood out in the lightning…He hung out with pigeons as he trained them, and today?

Because of all of that, he couldn’t get elected as a City Commissioner of Bagwine, Ohio.

Americans today do not like thinkers…they do not like great people…Americans like a world that is homogenous…that thinks as they do…that is uncomplicated.

And that is exactly why America, the former bastion of innovation and great ideas, is becoming second-rate as a nation, and a nation whose State of the Union is not strong.

Matt-Man

Email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

The Progressive Tea Party ...

President Obama has nominated Richard Cordray to be the head of the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. And, as you might have expected there is a certain politically active group of people out there who are all kinds of pissed off. Yup, once again the Tea Par… oh wait. Sorry, about that. Once again the people on the left who call themselves “progressives” have their panties in a knot.

It always happens the same way. Obama recognizes the reality of a situation and decides that rather than going through a long, drawn-out and ultimately futile fight, makes the smart move. In this case, it’s his decision not to nominate Elizabeth Warren who faces not just opposition from republicans, but doesn’t have a single democrat who matters* in the senate willing to fight for her. 

The reaction is also always the same. Progressives stare in complete disbelief that they didn’t get the toy they wanted. Then the lower lip starts trembling and then the tears start flowing. Then they throw themselves down on the floor of the toy section and scream, kick, punch and make absolute fools of themselves. 

Then, when they run out of energy, mommy picks them up and holds them.  She reassures them that their feelings are valid too, and that they will be allowed to blog about them when they get home. When they’re ready, they let mommy know that it’s okay to move on to the grocery section and check out the organic produce. 

The democrats have their own version of the Tea Party, and they are every bit as demanding that things be done their way and their way only. And, no matter how often they get what they want, when they don’t, they not only throw a fit, they start the name calling. 

While progressives are busy saying that the Tea Party is inflexible and should accept “political realities” they are proving to be exactly the same. After Obama didn’t nominate Elizabeth Warren, instead of accepting political realities, the progressives called Obama a “coward.” 

No matter how much they get, and progressives have actually gotten quite a bit, SCHIP, DADT repealed, DOMA all but dead, hate crimes bill that included gays and lesbians, HCR**, financial reform, new emphasis by govt agencies on equal pay, Sotomayor and Kagen on the bench, student loan reform, the ending of hostilities and draw down in Iraq, the beginning of the draw down in Afghanistan, and a whole lot more, it’s never enough. In fact, it’s like none of it ever happened.  Because in progressives’ minds none of those things mattered. The only thing that matters to progressives is the shiny toy they wanted RIGHT NOW. And they didn’t get it. So, it’s fit throwing and name calling time again. 

This has been the case since day one.  Almost immediately after being sworn in, the demands from progressives started and then haven’t let up or even paused to reflect on all the toys that they did get that they wanted. The only thing progressives can see is the one thing they didn’t get today. So at the same time that they are mocking the republicans for holding “symbolic” votes in the house, progressives are demanding a completely symbolic fight over Elizabeth Warren. 

With “supporters” like progressives, President Obama doesn’t need the Tea Party.

*Democrats who can persuade other democrats to act and have some influence in the senate.
**Don’t start bitching about the lack of a public option in HCR. The blame for that lies solely at the feet of Harry Reid. 

Only a Lindsay Lohan Lesbian Movie ...

Could have made this week any better.

Hola Bitches!

Well, it's been a pretty amazing week. Let's see what all happened.

The biggest news of the week was that the “I'm With Stupid” humor blog went live to great fanfare. We'd like to remind anyone who would like to be a regular or irregular contributor to the blog to let us know!

Former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman and his perfect hair, MAN those Mormons have great hair, announced he was officially running for the GOP nomination for president. His speech was so boring that even Fox News broke away from it to talk about suddenly exciting by comparison Tim T-Paw Pawlenty.

President Obama addressed the nation Wednesday night to talk about his plan to begin the slow draw down of troops in Afghanistan. He also ignored both his own lawyers and congress and pressed on with US support of bombing of Libya. Obama makes all these war decisions while stroking his Nobel Peace Prize.

The Cleveland Cavaliers made Duke's Kyrie Irving the number one over all selection in this year's NBA draft. You know LeBron James is really hated when people prefer a Duke guy to him.

One of the things we have found by going through the treasure trove of information that was grabbed during the Bin Laden raid is that Osama was thinking that Al Qaeda was in need of a rebranding effort including a name change. So, I thought I would propose some great new names:

Focus on the Jihad

Near Beer Bombers

Infidel Intifada

Westboro Baptist Caliphate

Al Qeada II: Electric Boogaloo

Beards and Bombs

And today we found out that Lindsay Lohan has once again showed off her superior intellect and knowledge of the law and has again avoided jail time. Good job Lindsay. But, I really wish you would get back to me on my screenplay idea. A movie about lesbians in prison and the various cliques. When Lindsay's character, Mona Lott, is accepted into the most exclusive clique, another girl, Joy Kill, played by Kate Upton plots her revenge by first seducing Mona and then all the other girls in the clique AND the prison warden played by Tyra Banks.

The movie is titled: Mean Womyn

Lindsay Kate and Tyra (for educational purposes of course):

I have no idea why Lindsay hasn't gotten back to me on that one.


Oh and one other thing. R.I.P. to Peter Falk. He starred as Columbo back in the day when they really knew how to make a good cop show...

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/jayman_iws