Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I'm Special ... And Weird

Hola all you folks with minds like a steel trap! I don’t have anything really deep for you today, just a couple of things that are more proof that I’m probably going to be sent off to some sort of assisted living home at an early age. It’ll be me and a bunch of guys who played in the NFL in the 60s’ and 70’s.

Last week I went to the store with the primary purpose of getting the stuff I needed for two meals I was planning, smothered steak and red beans & rice*. For these meals I needed: Steak, tomato sauce, onion, potatoes, red kidney beans, rice, crushed tomatoes, green pepper, another onion, sausage. That seems simple enough, right?

I already had the beans and the rice, so that made it even easier. When I got home and was ready to make the smothered steak, I realized I didn’t have any tomato sauce. Dammit! You can’t have smothered steak without something to smother it with, amirite? So, I ran back out to the store to get the tomato sauce. While I was there I suddenly remembered I didn’t have any onions.

Theeeeeeeeeeen I remember I didn’t have crushed tomato either. So, I got that too. After I got home I stared at all the stuff I had forgotten and just kind of chuckled to myself. I mean, who could possibly forget ALL that shit? Sometimes I don’t even know how I make it through the day.

Later that night I was just hanging out, minding my own business when I suddenly had a horrible thought. I instantly leapt from my chair and ran into the kitchen. This isn’t as dramatic as it sounds because I didn’t really leap and it only takes like 4 steps to get to my kitchen. Anyway, I opened the fridge and stared at for a couple of minutes and slowly realized my worst fears had indeed come true.

I also forgot the sausage for the red beans & rice.

So, to review, I needed TEN items for these two meals. I already had two of those items. And, someone I managed to forget to get FIVE of them. That’s a fifty percent failure rate? I think that’s a new record.

Okay, actually it’s not. In fact, it’s not even close to a record. The record was the day I ran to the store just to get A-1 sauce, which I had forgotten earlier in the week and absolutely positively had to have. So, I went to Walmart to get it. I came home with five or six things, including donuts, but no A-1. Yeah, that was the day I knew I was special.

In other news, have you ever had a day when you were extra jumpy and even more easily distracted than usual? That was me today. Every time I caught something in my peripheral vision, I jumped. Hell, I even swerved to avoid a car that was just parking in a parking lot next to the road I was driving down. He would have had to jump a curb and sidewalk to get to me too.

If anyone walked up behind me I spun around as if they were Jerry Sandusky and I was only 11 years old. I’m surprised I didn’t clench my fists and square up with anyone who dared to get near me. Maybe I should have had a few beers at lunch to settle myself down? I’ll try that next time.

*Don’t get all worked up. I realize this isn’t a traditional red beans & rice recipe. I’m creative in the kitchen, remember?



Also, today on I’m With Stupid we decided it was time for something completely different. We spent some time handing out some new state mottoes (or mottos, I've been struggling with this one all day, apparently both are acceptable though), then for the rest of the show we just played “Fuck, Marry or Kill” and “Would You Rather.” We actually surprised ourselves by not getting too gross too! Well, other than that Lindsay Lohan one.

Anyway, it was a different, but still enjoyable 45 minutes so give it a listen!

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