Thursday, June 28, 2012

Sarah Palin...Happy Fourth of July

Five, six, seven, eight….You betcha, and right, okay?

Sarah Palin here for IWS.

I know…you are all a thinkin’….what has happened to Sarah Palin?

Well…nothing good, but Jayman and Matt-Man have graciously allowed me to comment on the airwaves of their blog, and asked me to someday post on their radio show, so ima gonna make full use of their inconveniences.

Next week marks our nation’s 122nd birthday, and as we were back then, an unincorporated land, Thomas Jefferson finally had the balls to scream to the world…

“The Gay Nineties have arrived, could we please put an end to British buggery, and their colonization of the Americas, sans Belize…Belizean chicks are HOT, and even hotter since those darkies have a British accent.”

TJ knew what was what, however, a fellow Republican, one Bill McKinley, said…well Bill didn’t say much…he got assassinated by a rogue Indian’s arrow whose family grew up to watch MSNBC, so I guess you could say that that Ohioan was actually a, By-Gone-Again.

Ha…My retarded son would like that joke….if he could read, but I digest….Anyhoo…

When George Washington Carver was elected President, he was so big on the peanut, that his Vice-President, Billy Carter became President after him, I think.  Okay maybe not, but anyway…

As a southern girl from below the arctic circle of Alaska, I love my Dixie guys, but c’mon?  Billy Carter?

Oy, if Billy Carter owned slaves, they would have either all run away or beat him over the head with empty bottles of Colt 45, what a dumbass…he had it so good and now look at him.  Well, look at what he was…Is he dead?

Anyway, I want to salute our brave men and women fighting people who are defending us against terrorism in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Turkey.

Oh those Turks…give them an Ottoman and the next thing you know, they are propping their feet all over you. Ha…Get it?

See?  I can be funny.

Anyway, on these days leading up to our nation’s birthday, I am blessed to know that Chief Justice John Roberts struck down Obamacare.

We all knew that it was unconstitutional, and when CNN and FOX news blasted out that it had been ruled unconstitutional, I was one happy momma of a sexually loose and drunk child named Bristol.

And truly?

That’s all I want.

Your Favorite Eski-Ho,

Sarah Palin

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